A Letter that did not reach it goal

[Think About It...]

About 2 weeks ago my Husband and I had talks at various occasions, and it seemed to me that things were getting better as he remained calm and listened and appeared to be understanding when certain issues were discussed. After many of those talks I told him that in order to move on and put all those issues behind I needed to empty my heart and decided to write him a letter. he was supportive and very happy about that, saying we should be able to discuss and communicate as adults. Wow...
I therefore wrote the letter putting down all the frustration and feelings and anger at different situations, I sincerely thought that doing this would empty my heart for good and would help me forgive and forget, he was so supportive, too supportive... I was asking him are you sure, you will not rage or get upset because of the issues i will talk about...
So finally i handed the letter over and: he says i did put an axe in his heart, he did not expect me to say what i said... so he does not speak to me except good morning/good night, sleeps in the second bedroom. As always he ends up being the victim and my feelings/opnions are disregarded.
I am reading the High Conflict Couple and I might have been too judmental ... so I went and said just that I was sorry for his pain

Please let me know how to handle this...

[Ned25]

About 2 weeks ago my Husband and I had talks at various occasions, and it seemed to me that things were getting better as he remained calm and listened and appeared to be understanding when certain issues were discussed. After many of those talks I told him that in order to move on and put all those issues behind I needed to empty my heart and decided to write him a letter. he was supportive and very happy about that, saying we should be able to discuss and communicate as adults. Wow...
I therefore wrote the letter putting down all the frustration and feelings and anger at different situations, I sincerely thought that doing this would empty my heart for good and would help me forgive and forget, he was so supportive, too supportive... I was asking him are you sure, you will not rage or get upset because of the issues i will talk about...
So finally i handed the letter over and: he says i did put an axe in his heart, he did not expect me to say what i said... so he does not speak to me except good morning/good night, sleeps in the second bedroom. As always he ends up being the victim and my feelings/opnions are disregarded.
I am reading the High Conflict Couple and I might have been too judmental ... so I went and said just that I was sorry for his pain

Please let me know how to handle this...

[Ibenhad]

 the High Conflict Couple is excellent. I am going to work on it with my dBPDF as soon as she has a bit more DBT under her belt. Did you get out what you needed to get out? Then you did the right thing. Forgetting the past and forgiving isn't easy and some of the stuff they do is real hard to forget. I think by getting it out on paper it was good for you. Maybe it hurt him as he didn't even realize he did some of the stuff listed in one of his rages. Maybe he just doesn't believe he is capable of this kind of thing. Be proud of yourself and bottom line is it will help you. Congrats.

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Ned25]

I am in Siberia, almost no talk, no contact, not even a look some days. He repeats that i did hurt him and of course does not seem to realise that all what i've said is a reaction to his words and behavior. I love him and this is very hard, he talked about divorce, so i am not sure our marriage will survive, i feel sad and lonely.

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