Son trashed the house

[Think About It...]

Hi guys my beautiful son has been finding it so very difficult in coming to terms with the ending of his Dads and my relationship. No closure but hey whats new... He has subsequently totally abandoned him as well as me.  Obviously new victim is of paramount importance. Broken promises every week for the last two months to meet him which have never happened and then excuses... Until this week with no more promises just no transport so he gets to avoid him totally must of been his master plan that one that he kept on hold... this is man who would not under any circumstances go without transport... Utter cruelty we all are aware of why he behaves like this but for my son its sooooooo hard to deal with.
Our son is not emotionally equipped at all to cope with this (well who is it has took me this long myself...
Heavy drinking has taken over totally and within the past few weeks every let down has triggered horrendous behaviour.  This has resulted in the family home being trashed so badly this time that my son is in a homeless shelter.  I had no alternative the state of the house was just to much for me...
So I am having to deal with that as well... Visited him today and its just so awful but I cannot cope anymore.   Watching the damage my son caused to the house just reminded me of what my BPD used to do when he was drunk so many times...

If all this doesnt make any sense forgive me...

[20years]

Hi guys my beautiful son has been finding it so very difficult in coming to terms with the ending of his Dads and my relationship. No closure but hey whats new... He has subsequently totally abandoned him as well as me.  Obviously new victim is of paramount importance. Broken promises every week for the last two months to meet him which have never happened and then excuses... Until this week with no more promises just no transport so he gets to avoid him totally must of been his master plan that one that he kept on hold... this is man who would not under any circumstances go without transport... Utter cruelty we all are aware of why he behaves like this but for my son its sooooooo hard to deal with.
Our son is not emotionally equipped at all to cope with this (well who is it has took me this long myself...
Heavy drinking has taken over totally and within the past few weeks every let down has triggered horrendous behaviour.  This has resulted in the family home being trashed so badly this time that my son is in a homeless shelter.  I had no alternative the state of the house was just to much for me...
So I am having to deal with that as well... Visited him today and its just so awful but I cannot cope anymore.   Watching the damage my son caused to the house just reminded me of what my BPD used to do when he was drunk so many times...

If all this doesnt make any sense forgive me...

[OnceConfused]

20years:

At time like this one, leave the solution to God. Let God helps you.Many times we are so busy thinking this or that, and we let the outside noise masks the soft voice of God. "Prayer is when you are talking to God. Intuition is when God talks to you."

Take a very slow walk in the park, even take off your shoes and walk on the wet grass. Let the mother earth support you. Keep focus on counting your breath with each step, 1-2-3-4 IN, 1-2-3-4 Out breath. Feel the wet grass, smell the sweet aroma of the leaves beneath, sense the soft, warm breeze on your skin. Say a prayer like: I am grateful for my health. I can deal with all my obstacles with just a little help from God. Pleas give me the clarity for my mind to see things and to make the right decisions.

Once your mind is quiet down, then you will hear that voice from God. Listen to your inner feeling or intuition. And act on that intuition. Don't be afraid.

Namaste

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[yttikolleh]

20 I'm sorry - this kind of thing is so hard to deal with.  How old is your son?  Does he have anyone he can go to counseling with?  I understand how kids can get so upset when one parent doesn't follow through, been there done that. 

I hate to see him in a shelter but maybe that will get him to collect his thoughts and calm down.  Do you have other family he could stay with for a while to give both of you a little breather?

[20years]

Hi, Once Confused,  I am very emotional at this time and tears still frequently vist. I appreciate your kind comments.  I do not have a God but in a strange way I am in process of achieving a kind of peace and serenity if only for about an 3 hours a day but hey its a start.  You said dont be afraid I try every day but with Mum terminally ill and with everything else goin on I am soooooo very afraid.  The people in the homeless shelter have been very kind to me after I shared my circumstances with them and I am confident that my son will have support also whilst living there.

   from me to you

[20years]

Hi yttikolleh, thank you for your reply it is hard to deal with your right especially when you are dealing with a UBPD husband who has just disappeared off the face of the earth and my Mums terminally ill ...
I saw my son over the weekend and because the homeless shelter is sooooo very bad condition wise etc., it does appear to have had a calming effect on him he told me he has not drunk anything whilst in there except for a small amount (well at least he was being honest) 
BUT one of the first things he said to me was "HAS DAD BEEN IN TOUCH" has he rung you, texted, you etc., I said no but we must both concentrate on us and not him anymore...
   from me to you