She just told me she's seeing someone else and wants to be friends

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Ok, so...god, it seems like I'm always coming here..but, it's good...

OK, so, after a long summer of working on getting back together, and her proclamation - three weeks ago - of undying love, dedication, support and that she'd NEVER leave me, my ex-uBPDgf dumped me on 9/5. Said she wanted to be friends, have nothing change (me stay with her, us sleep together, etc) but she couldn't remain committed and that's that. I asked her if she was seeing someone MULTIPLE times..she denied it, said it was simply our problems and her lack of seeing a future with us anymore.

What ensued was a 10-day period of us bickering, being nasty, proclaiming we'd never speak to each other again...I've been, obviously, devesated...trying to - ridiculously - get her to see how irrational, mean, twisted her proclamatioins of undying, unconditional love were...and she's just simply refusing to deal with my sadness, emotions, and had pretty much gone dark on me.

Thankfully, she went on a trip for 2 weeks..and I thought it would be a time where her and I could go NC and process what we wanted, didn't want. She - after being asked - many times by  me what she wanted, where I fit...all she could say is, I don't know. I kept telling her I simply didn't understand why she was doing this so quickly, abruptly, meanly...if she wasn't seeing someone, why abandon the ship so quickly if she loves me so much (as she claims). Anyway, as soon as she left, she tsarted IMing, texting, calling pretty much non-stop...I made the decision to pretty much act like nothing had happened...both for my sanity and to act like I didn't give a damn.  We talked quite a bit, like we did in the past and enjoyed each other tremendously.

Over the last few days, she's told me how much she loves me, she asked me if I'd drive with her cross country if she goes back to HI, and asked me if I'd move tehre with her if she moved (then said, STOP, don't respond, you'll just throw this back in my face). She's been very nice, threw in those questions where it seemed like she was feeling the need for me...then, last night..

"I'm seeing someone. It's not a secret. You pegged it all along. I couldn't tell you when we were fighting, you would havfe cut me to pieces"

That, obviously, sent me reeling...but I simply couldn't fight anymore. I told he rhow disappointed I was that she didn't tell me, that I'm not stupid and this was going on before we broke up (which she denied and said she met him after we broke up on 9-5, but has only seen him 1/2x a week)...anyway, I'm not evfen sure if it's real, she's had a tendency to make this kinda stuff up.

Since I wasn't in the mood to fight, I just simply stated that there's a reality to her seeing someone else..that she's going to lose me, we're not going to talk much longer, and this is the beginning of the end of us..told her I was sad, but, not much I could do. She didn't take it well...said that I know how much I mean to her, that it's not that way, she doesnt have a commitment to this guy, but that if that's what I wanted to do, fine.

I told her simply that she wasnt making me feel like I was important, she wasnt telling me what she wanted, where I fit..and that, without that info, I wasn't going to just stick around and wait for updates...and be available at her behest or until someone better came around.

She said I was over-reacting, that we'd figure it out, that we always do...and sent me lyrics to some song about "If I could turn back the hands of time, I'd never let you go..." blah, blah, blah.

So, as you can see, this up and down is wrecking me...I'm understanding I can't rationalize with her..I see the need to go NC...but it's just hard, all of this is. I'm in a better way than I've ever been with any of this, I'm just sad..not mad anymore, not hateful, not needing to UNDERSTAND..just, sad.

She doesn't get that I simply can't take a step back...that I love her too much to be around while she has another person in her life. That her ability to stop feeling so strongly and start seeing someone else within a one-month period is not who I am...everything I said, felt, did..I meant. I'm still where I was lasst month when we were talking about a life together...she DOESN'T get that I'm heartbroken.

Since I'm not angry anymore...or mad..or needing..or expecting. I don't know what to say to her...from my point of view, there's not a sane person on this planet that wouldn't get all of this is too much for me. That it has nothing to do with me not wanting to be friends or in her has everything to do with her actions having consequences, her inability to care for my heart is going to cause us to lose each other...

What do I say? Do I say anything? Have any of you been through this? Thoughts?



If this "is wrecking" you, I would say that you need to do whatever is best for your emotional and physical wellbeing. You and your needs are paramount! What return will further investment offer for you?


As I sat with a friend after my break-up with my uBPDexgf and talked out what had happened, relating to him how as she was leaving our place that last morning, said that she would love me forever, totally, and that she was going to marry me, and then went up the street and slept with some other guy (whom she had been with everyday for at least the past week) and I tried to tell my friend that I thought that I should be involved with her so that I could help her in some way, he asked me a question that was both simple and wise.  He said, "Do you want to feel the way you did that day you found out every day for the rest of your life?"  I didn't and I don't.

I think the nature of the illness will never allow a non to recoup their investment.  NC


Daddy4321 - do you have a therapist that you can talk to?  If not, you should get one.  Letting someone, anyone put you through something like this and still talk to them is beyond me.

Been there, done that. Get off the emotional roller coaster now!  Initiate no contact,  otherwise you are in for a hell of a ride.


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