a much needed update been awhile, any good news out there?

[Think About It...]

Hello everyone!

 I haven't been on much, i know guess it is called living my life as one would say.. but i do pop in once in a while, but i wanted to give every one an update..
 it will be one year since my husband who use to have rages never ending , and it went down to once every four months when i came on here. now like i said his last three day rage was november third 2008 woot! woot !for me . 

in march of 2009 i thought we were heading the a three day rage he was so edgy  but i watched him come down , and things went back to normal. never had a rage.
  with me coming back to the boards it really has helped  i increased my skills and tools and boundaries...
HE still rants but for some reason in the mornings and those are short and sweet, i call them actually just btching.. THere are times i still have to leave if things get to hot, or not even answer his phone calls, but that isn't to often, and when i do  leave he leaves me alone  now. he let's things cool down.
 By the time i get back things are better, use to be they would start in again and i would leave again.   so things have really improved...
  My husband as some know is in AA  24 years .and he is also undiagnoised , and a high functioning BPD. we are going on 12 years of marriage, and yes he still has BPD..so like i said woot woot for me!

 now any more good new to get me updated, no matter how little?

[Wanda]

Hello everyone!

 I haven't been on much, i know guess it is called living my life as one would say.. but i do pop in once in a while, but i wanted to give every one an update..
 it will be one year since my husband who use to have rages never ending , and it went down to once every four months when i came on here. now like i said his last three day rage was november third 2008 woot! woot !for me . 

in march of 2009 i thought we were heading the a three day rage he was so edgy  but i watched him come down , and things went back to normal. never had a rage.
  with me coming back to the boards it really has helped  i increased my skills and tools and boundaries...
HE still rants but for some reason in the mornings and those are short and sweet, i call them actually just btching.. THere are times i still have to leave if things get to hot, or not even answer his phone calls, but that isn't to often, and when i do  leave he leaves me alone  now. he let's things cool down.
 By the time i get back things are better, use to be they would start in again and i would leave again.   so things have really improved...
  My husband as some know is in AA  24 years .and he is also undiagnoised , and a high functioning BPD. we are going on 12 years of marriage, and yes he still has BPD..so like i said woot woot for me!

 now any more good new to get me updated, no matter how little?

[JoannaK]

Wanda, I'm glad to see an update.. Glad to see that things are continuing in a positive direction.  Perhaps he'll even get that btching under control one of these days. 

How are you feeling?  What feels better for you...   aside from hubby?

[dea0328]

Yaaay for you Wanda! That's great, always good to hear positive stories.  

[Steph]

hey Wanda!

YAYAYYA for you both..awesome, awesome!


 Ya know, everyone whines..I tend to preface my whining with an announcement like" Hey, I just need to whine here..no advice needed, just let me rant and hug me" sort of thing..which makes things alot nicer, as my H tends to like to offer constructuve ideas to make things better. Anyway, we both give the whine alert warning now, when we just need to do a brain dump Maybe thats all he is doing?

   Things here continue to be  really rock solid! YAYAY for us, too!

 x

[dados76]

overall.. life is pretty good.. i think my partner.. orig. from Chicago might have been supposed to be in the NW his whole life.. it was pouring this weekend.. hes happy to curl up with a book and drink coffee all day.. good.. b/c im working on something for his b-day.. so if hes happy to try and relax for once.. i get a lot done on that.. other than that.. helping neice and nephew get ready for halloween.. making wand for a a princess and skeleton make-up.. my partner and i have had a few weekends away from the house too in the city.. and that has been real enjoyable.. didnt try to plan too many activities.. just walked around a lot and checked out the new city..

[Wanda]

How are you feeling?  What feels better for you...   aside from hubby?



 i am a little less jumpy myself i am not waiting for the other shoe to drop,and i am not walking on eggshells like i use to, when that four month time came i was always walking on eggshells not no more..
 i continue to do what i want when i want( not worring about him), , if he comes great if not oh well.
 if i have to leave the house because things are a little heated i just do it, and go shopping i use to worry about what he will do no more i just let things be.
 This time is a tough time for him with the holidays i use to always be walking on eggshells wondering when the rage will happen.  nope i don;t worry any more i learned to let go of alot of things detach as you say and that has meant the world he makes a fool out of himself, it's on him not me...
 

[eeyore]

Things here are better.  No raging like before but I think that's because I have learned to deflect him before he goes into a rage.  He still has anger where he becomes so disassociated that he argues facts that are clearly wrong.  I've learned to side step that.  Get away until he forgets and calms down.  Then he's back to his lovable self. 

There are subjects that just aren't worth talking to him about.  When it comes to my feelings and my thinking.  It only leads him into this disassociative place.  So why bother bringing it up. 

[peacebaby]

Hey Wanda! Glad to hear things are going well for you and your H. 

he still has BPD

You're saying he still has other symptoms of BPD, even though the rages are down, but the rages were the part that made your life the most unpleasant? What other symptoms does he still have? Are you satisfied with this as his version of "recovered" as far as your future together?

As far as me and my SO, things are basically good, a bit up and down. She's had a month between her intensive DBT course and the first session today with a new therapist at a new program, and she's gotten a little lazy with her skills, but in general she is remembering to think before she acts and self-regulate instead of acting out. I'm not doing as well with that, but working hard on remembering she's mentally ill and that I need to not give in to my own craziness in certain ways. As always, we've been having lots of good times. I continue to check in here daily for the virtual group therapy.

Peacebaby

[Wanda]

but the rages were the part that made your life the most unpleasant? What other symptoms does he still have? Are you satisfied with this as his version of "recovered" as far as your future together?

 my husband is undiagnoised so yes he still has some symptoms like the black and white even though he sees some grey now which he never did before he still has the black and white, and at times he still can tell whoppers of stories, which i know not to be true, i have to always add in the grey in those stories, or just eqnore them if they are to far fetched.  he also still blames me and not takes responcibility for things, or yes he can actually not remember saying things that he said that was far fetched or mean.  BUt these are nothing compared to the rages which yes was the most unpleasant for me.    i can live with the way it is now, but i am still working on cutting even back more his btchyness. and i am working on reality things showing him more of the grey. THis might never happen or again just takes a while who knows but i am ok with the way things are.. thanks for asking glad things are going well for you as well. i wish my husband would concider treatment... boy that would really make a differnce.

[peacebaby]

Thanks for expanding, Wanda. It's always good for people to hear that real improvements can be made even when BPDs don't get diagnosis or treatment.


Peacebaby

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