We are seeing each other again

[Think About It...]

My ex and I just started seeing each other again a few weeks ago...maybe a month.  I feel like she is loosing interest or something.  I have my own insecurities and paranoia though.

I know I can be sensitive and negative.  I want to make sure I'm not jumping the gun with what I'm feeling.  I know we all can have bad weeks.  I guess I just need someone to confirm with me ( and I think I just need to hear it from someone else ) that BPD's have bad weeks too, and that it might even be worse.

See, she tells me she wants to come and see me, but when when we are around each other I feel a small distance.  I get a little insecure and paraniod...okay maybe more then a bit...and I think I smuther her.  Am I pushing her away?  Am I just being clingy and everything is fine?  Maybe this is just normal relationship stuff and I'm just being super sensitive?  LOL I am a pisces.

[TheAngryHaggis]

My ex and I just started seeing each other again a few weeks ago...maybe a month.  I feel like she is loosing interest or something.  I have my own insecurities and paranoia though.

I know I can be sensitive and negative.  I want to make sure I'm not jumping the gun with what I'm feeling.  I know we all can have bad weeks.  I guess I just need someone to confirm with me ( and I think I just need to hear it from someone else ) that BPD's have bad weeks too, and that it might even be worse.

See, she tells me she wants to come and see me, but when when we are around each other I feel a small distance.  I get a little insecure and paraniod...okay maybe more then a bit...and I think I smuther her.  Am I pushing her away?  Am I just being clingy and everything is fine?  Maybe this is just normal relationship stuff and I'm just being super sensitive?  LOL I am a pisces.

[united for now]

"Normal" relationships don't obsess about whether they are normal or not 

To answer your question:

Yes, those who suffer from BPD have more severe responses to situations than others do - actually, that defines BPD. They are like emotional sunburn victims - everything hurts and stings them  ;p

Yes, if you are insecure and worried, then most likely you ARE smothering her. There also isn't anything she can really do to make you feel better about it, since the problems stem from YOU, not her actions or lack of actions.

I hate you - don't leave me is also a hallmark trait for BPD's. The closer they get to a person, the more they fear losing that person, triggering them to leave first so they won't feel the pain of getting left. Twisted thinking, but then again, they ARE mentally ill.

I'm glad that you made it here.
We have a ton of info and support here that can help you learn the basics of BPD and also how to stop making things worse and how to make them better.

A great place to start is to the right ========>> with our clickable lessons.

[Hop Head]

Haggis, you and I are a lot alike (though I'm a Taurus, so add stubbornness to the list). I get insecure and paranoid as well, and I've admitted to my girl that I'm clingy.

And yes, you most likely are pushing her away. Being clingy will push any girl away, but especially so with borderlines. They tend to fear being engulfed, so when someone gets close to them they push away and keep a distance. Don't take it personally. Just pull back some, and like a magnet she'll follow.

[TheAngryHaggis]

Thank you both.  I did pull away a bit and things got better. 

We are doing okay, but I have to admit that I have to do something about my insecurity cause we are in an "unofficial" relationship.  I don't even know if she considers us dating!

I like to know that we both have some boundarys.  Rules.  I don't understand why we can't lay down some ground rules and still work on us the way we have been. 

I'm seem to always be afraid of her loosing interest in me and dating others...or dating others and me.  I understand that dating multiple people at the same time is not unheard of these days...but I am not one of those who partake in that.  I see nothing wrong with it...but I am NOT a new person to her.  We have been together for the last two years!  Why can't she just give up a little control and say to me "I won't date anyone else." 

Instead I just get "You have to trust me".  Last night she told me after I made a joke about a hair I found on her pillow, (you know...The "That better be yours."...in it was very much in a joking tone), that if she wanted to she could do whatever she likes, even though I may not like it, because her and I are not in a committed relationship.   Now she didn't say she would...but it makes me feel horrible that option is there...I'm so scared.  Right now I can't remember word for word what she said...but she said something to make me feel like she would have no guilt about it.  But again...she did NOT say she was...and I don't think she would.

She tells me that she loves me and knows that I am the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with...then why can't be up our commitment level a bit?

Sorry for bad spelling.

[Idle M]

My bf and I recently got back together too. We aren't in a committed relationship but have agreed that anything physical is reserved only for each other.  he has lied and cheated before so I really can't trust that he won't decide to break this promise if he has the opportunity. We are free to date others and also sees a woman he says is just a friend. (I've seen their emails and he might be telling me the truth)I think she would like it to be more then friends and she knows he is seeing me, but not that he's at my house most nights. I've told him I won't put up with it if he decides to date her or someone else serously. I will wish them luck and be gone. he doesn't want to lose me and seems to feel bed about the stuff he's admitted to. I am taking each day as it comes. He's ruined my trust and made a huge mess of what I feel for him. He steps over that boundary and he's going to lose my friendship too.  I think he realizes he's on his very last chance. 

[Auspicious]

We are doing okay, but I have to admit that I have to do something about my insecurity cause we are in an "unofficial" relationship.  I don't even know if she considers us dating!

It would be normal of you to want to know that. It's taken me a long time to learn this, but anybody that it is healthy to be with is not going to be pushed away by "normal". So you could just ask her?

I like to know that we both have some boundarys.  Rules.  I don't understand why we can't lay down some ground rules and still work on us the way we have been. 

You can make rules for yourself, but not for her.

I'm seem to always be afraid of her loosing interest in me and dating others...or dating others and me.  I understand that dating multiple people at the same time is not unheard of these days...but I am not one of those who partake in that.  I see nothing wrong with it...but I am NOT a new person to her.  We have been together for the last two years!  Why can't she just give up a little control and say to me "I won't date anyone else." 

If she won't, and that's what you need in a partner, then you won't be able to have her as a partner. You will have a choice - change your need, or not be her partner.

Instead I just get "You have to trust me".  Last night she told me after I made a joke about a hair I found on her pillow, (you know...The "That better be yours."...in it was very much in a joking tone), that if she wanted to she could do whatever she likes, even though I may not like it, because her and I are not in a committed relationship.   Now she didn't say she would...but it makes me feel horrible that option is there...I'm so scared.  Right now I can't remember word for word what she said...but she said something to make me feel like she would have no guilt about it.  But again...she did NOT say she was...and I don't think she would.

Well, she gave you an answer. It sounds like you don't like the answer. What you do about that is up to you!

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