Relationship in spiral and a question.

[Think About It...]

My dBPDgf and I have had a breakdown every 24 hours or so since Thanksgiving. I get re-engaged back in and end up letting her act like nothing has happened. Each time we have an amazing day followed by a late night, early morning event.

I honestly don't have the energy to map out all the details. Everything is so textbook.

I engaged her this morning and got out everything that I had pent up for at least a month. Eventually we wore each other down over the phone.

Normally I wouldn't engage out of fear that things would turn to rage or I would say something I regretted.

This time I was calm and collected and I was able to show the pattern of double standards and the reasons for my shutting down on the relationship.

She has legitimate complaints, but won't acknowledge some of the reasons for my shutting down.

It is at the point of failure unless we can change our behaviors. She is diagnosed and realizes this. Unfortunately she has stopped her DBT for very BPD reasons i.e., conflict, resentment toward other participants in group.

She is very stuck and I really feel we are both obstacles in each others way right now. She shouldn't be in a relationship and I don't have the tools to be there for her at this stage in her recovery. I am also completely frozen in my own life, my own doing. I am putting nearly 100% of my time and emotional energy into this relationship. I know this is seriously unhealthy.

I love her very much and am sad about it. But we are in denial and attempts to move the relationship forward are failing because we can't agree to make the changes we need to or follow through with changes. All very typical stuff.

I think she is better off alone right now.

She sent me an email explaining she was miserable, she would make me miserable, I was better off without her, etc.

Should I just let her be at this point, how can I communicate or not without reinforcing her abandonment issues? I want her to know I love her and am here for her without being coda or continuing the cycle, getting "re-engaged". Any advice is helpful.

Thanks.

[mbloh]

My dBPDgf and I have had a breakdown every 24 hours or so since Thanksgiving. I get re-engaged back in and end up letting her act like nothing has happened. Each time we have an amazing day followed by a late night, early morning event.

I honestly don't have the energy to map out all the details. Everything is so textbook.

I engaged her this morning and got out everything that I had pent up for at least a month. Eventually we wore each other down over the phone.

Normally I wouldn't engage out of fear that things would turn to rage or I would say something I regretted.

This time I was calm and collected and I was able to show the pattern of double standards and the reasons for my shutting down on the relationship.

She has legitimate complaints, but won't acknowledge some of the reasons for my shutting down.

It is at the point of failure unless we can change our behaviors. She is diagnosed and realizes this. Unfortunately she has stopped her DBT for very BPD reasons i.e., conflict, resentment toward other participants in group.

She is very stuck and I really feel we are both obstacles in each others way right now. She shouldn't be in a relationship and I don't have the tools to be there for her at this stage in her recovery. I am also completely frozen in my own life, my own doing. I am putting nearly 100% of my time and emotional energy into this relationship. I know this is seriously unhealthy.

I love her very much and am sad about it. But we are in denial and attempts to move the relationship forward are failing because we can't agree to make the changes we need to or follow through with changes. All very typical stuff.

I think she is better off alone right now.

She sent me an email explaining she was miserable, she would make me miserable, I was better off without her, etc.

Should I just let her be at this point, how can I communicate or not without reinforcing her abandonment issues? I want her to know I love her and am here for her without being coda or continuing the cycle, getting "re-engaged". Any advice is helpful.

Thanks.