christmas BPD blues . anyone ?

[Think About It...]

 any ideas how to relax and enjoy Christmas?

I find I am so stressed , ( I keep it hid, but I am feel worried and stressed all the time, as to when will next episode be) .Let's see- one thursday night, one friday night...hmm rest of weekend was opposite- syrupy and sweet...
It is like that blow up clown punching bag- up down up down ...

It barely registers with me that it is CHristmas, I mean we have gotten tree, presents etc- and I vow I will make sure my kids have a good day, but for myself, I just am worried as to what will set my BPD wife off.
Last year, I was TOO generous, which resulted in her becoming angry, harefull ,and throwing the tree out on Dec26, just to be spitefull I guess?
She went on and on about how she should have gone " home" for christmas ( a result of a guilt phone call fr "mom" )
I didn't do anything last year to make her react this way, it was about 5 days of hell though/
I mean and now she kind of wonders why i am not getting " excited" for  it ?
I know if the exact correct reaction isn't given to every gift she gives anyone, life will not be worth living.

Any ideas?  Is anyone else feeling the christmas BPD blues?

[redrover]

 any ideas how to relax and enjoy Christmas?

I find I am so stressed , ( I keep it hid, but I am feel worried and stressed all the time, as to when will next episode be) .Let's see- one thursday night, one friday night...hmm rest of weekend was opposite- syrupy and sweet...
It is like that blow up clown punching bag- up down up down ...

It barely registers with me that it is CHristmas, I mean we have gotten tree, presents etc- and I vow I will make sure my kids have a good day, but for myself, I just am worried as to what will set my BPD wife off.
Last year, I was TOO generous, which resulted in her becoming angry, harefull ,and throwing the tree out on Dec26, just to be spitefull I guess?
She went on and on about how she should have gone " home" for christmas ( a result of a guilt phone call fr "mom" )
I didn't do anything last year to make her react this way, it was about 5 days of hell though/
I mean and now she kind of wonders why i am not getting " excited" for  it ?
I know if the exact correct reaction isn't given to every gift she gives anyone, life will not be worth living.

Any ideas?  Is anyone else feeling the christmas BPD blues?

[truefriend]

redrover...you are allowing her too much power. The power to make you anticipate the next blow up. The dread of a holiday that should be enjoyed. You said before you were going to disengage when the time was right? Start doing that in small doses now. Carry on and do no let her engage you in a battle of the wills. Please read the boundaries section and start using these. If she starts raging, just walk away or leave. Do not overspend on her as it results in the same reaction either way. Just a fact they will become disregulated during the holidays. It's up to you to decide how to handle these explosions. In the long run these episodes are going to happen either way, if you set boundaries...you will at least feel better about yourself...

[havana]

Is anyone else feeling the christmas BPD blues?

We have a tradition at our house where each year my wife accuses me of ruining Christmas. It happened last night as we were watching "A Christmas Carol", (the one with George C Scott.)

The first time he says Bah Humbug...she says, "that's you" ...I ignored it.
Then I go and get a jar of peanuts & sit down.
She says "Oh, I guess I don't want any peanuts, you know it's customary to ask someone else if they would like some."  Then she was off to the races.

I have been dodging bullets & avoiding triggers most of my life so I am pretty good at it but sometimes you just can't imagine a jar of peanuts triggering anything

[Z500]

The first time he says Bah Humbug...she says, "that's you" ...I ignored it.

reminds me of my ex, the way she would say that kind of crap as if i actually cared

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Fuzzy Bunny]

I have been dodging bullets & avoiding triggers most of my life so I am pretty good at it but sometimes you just can't imagine a jar of peanuts triggering anything

From my short time with my ex, when she asked a question...if you said yes, she would blow up, if you said no, she would blow up...when their hurting, and need to hurt you, it doesnt matter what sets them off...they are just looking to inflict some pain...on you...

I hope you have a good Christmas Redrover, I was never good at handling my ex, all I can say is do the things that make you happy, do the things that make Christmas exciting for you...if she wants to be the Scrooge...ignore...turn your back...enjoy the season!

[redrover]

The irony of the whole thing is that she will call me Scrooge etc, and say I don't like Christmas, and it ruins it for her ...
I admit I DO get a little sick of the commercializations and over spending, but as for rest - I am the one putting up the tree, decorating the house, making cookies with the kids.
The BPD's really just are not happy unless they are digging at others are they ?
I will just tune her out I  guess and maybe spike the eggnog- I alwasy have THAT to fall back on, I remmeber she told me if I ever became a drinker , she would leave me ! hmmm...I guess I have that up my sleeve...

[Fuzzy Bunny]

I believe that they need us to feel worse than they do, to see us happy, I think drives them crazy...well actually crazier...