What's your definition of "positive entitlement"? How might "positive entitlement" relate to your life?
For me, positive entitlement is the right to live as peacefully as possible, without being bullied by others, without being manipulated by others.
I have the right to control my own life. I have the right to stand up for myself. I have the right to try and make a better life for myself rather than get pulled into "the pit".
I think for me it also means that it is perfectly reasonable to do things that other people do on a regular basis without being made to feel guilty about it or withstanding a "blackening" for it: take a vacation, take a break, spend time with others, pursue my own life goals, make important purchases, NOT involve her in every single aspect of my life, have confidence in my own abilities, etc., etc. It's only recently that I've realized how much other people have put up with from me
because I've been putting ubpdm's needs above everyone elses. Sometimes you have to give your time to other people, too, right? I've celebrated a lot of "December Thanksgivings" and "January Christmases" with other people in the family because heaven knows you ALWAYS have to spend major holidays with her and nobody else.
I shudder to think if I had let her completely have her way when my father got sick. It sickens me to think I didn't break free from her a little sooner so I could've spent more time with him in his last days. She once told me "If you go and take care of him it'll be over my dead body". I was a grown woman. What was wrong with me?
I've been so programmed to consider them first, that I have felt guilty about doing almost anything for myself before doing it for them; i.e. hand over large sums of money so they can afford to live a lifestyle beyond their means while I live with a lot less than they do even though I work hard and have earned the money to spend on myself. I've gotten a lot of mixed messages on this one in particular - I will be encouraged to spend on myself, or do something for myself, but then something always happens and the fact I did it will get thrown back at me. But also if I gave to them rather than to myself, it was never enough. That sort of thing. A no-win.
So "positive entitlement" means taking care of my life first, in a way that I see fit. Sometimes that means I come first, sometimes it means I put someone else's needs ahead of my own, but either way, it's my