Lesbians, BPD and Genetics

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Am 3 months into my break-up with exBPDgf and am on the mend slowly but surely after a terrible depression...(after a few re-engages and self re-engages...NC since beginning of Jan and it's helped me soo much)  thanks again to these boards and people on the boards who reached out to me  |iiii  hug-2   ...and I surely did learn a lot about my co-dependent behavior... and am still learning  :)

 But what I also learned when telling my story to other lesbian friends, almost every single one said, "oh I had a BPD exgf...or my gf had an exBPD gf too...or my friend..." you get the picture...
I swear...after taking an informal survey...there is not one lesbian friend of mine that doesn't know another lesbian with BPD...
 WTH?  It seems to be a minefield out there littered with BPD lesbians. When I do go back to dating, I'm certainly going to keep my eyes and ears open and avoid them like the plague  *)... But do any other gay women out there think I'm right about this? Someone should do a study on this!  ;D lol(btw I am in a small Northern European country...maybe it's the genetics here...who knows...but soo many women here have it! I really would love to see some more research into where BPD comes from (genetics? environment?)  and why so many women and lesbians have it...Seriously if anyone is a BPD researcher out there, contact me b/c I think this country of only 15 million people with such an inordinately high number of BPD women would make a perfect test population if BPD is indeed from genes..and I can certainly point you towards a few to start your research with   :>:D:

well ive dated 4 women since ive come out.  the first, BPD with serious rage and she wasn't even capable of getting anywhere with me (this was when i learned of the illness, i found this site, helped her get diagnosed, etc ... we are still friends somehow, because we disengaged).  the second, diagnosed BPD and bi-polar II.  i thought she was joking.  i actually approached her because she was a licensed counselor and i wanted advice on my previous BPD girl.  the third, something .. who knows .. we dated for like 3 days.  the last, and really the last as i can imagine because she is the love of my life .. no doubt, however undiagnosed, BPD.  i can tell you, that while im not a gold-star, im definitely gay, and most definitely DO NOT have BPD.  but as sexual identity issues being a feature of it, and that some people "turn" gay due to abuse .. well these are the only reasons i can come up with.  but yes, trust me, ive mentioned this just a bit too many times, on how right after i came out the closet, i became a friggin expert on BPD.  awesome.

This disorder predominantly affects women, so in relationships where both partners are women, there will naturally tend to be more borderlines.

Many hypothesize that how one is treated as a child, has much to do with the development of this disorder.  The girl who dresses or acts differently from many other girls, or who has more “masculine” or simply more obscure interests, is often treated differently; she may receive less nurturing.  I've always gone out of my way to hug and kiss young boys, as institutionalized homophobia will come to make such “uncomfortable” and perhaps inappropriate, as they age; that's generally not the case for female children.

There may also be genetic factors, but the discussion of such here, would require the use of some descriptive terminology, which is apparently thought of as inappropriate by at least one of this site's Moderators.

I don't know that there has been any kind of study done on it, but I agree... Personality disorders SEEM to be prevalent amongst lesbians. It may be that, due to having to deal with being "different" all of our lives, some of us end up with BPD or NPD. I do think that lesbians tend to look more inward than most people - and may end up a bit codependent because of it. Note that codependency is a fine line... perhaps we are simply more compassionate and empathetic due to how we have been treated, or how we see ourselves. I think the relationship between two women is much more emotional than the average straight relationship. This closeness certainly makes each of us more vulnerable, and that vulnerability allows deeper hurts. That damage can cause disorders as well. The woman-to-woman relationship also may be, in the psyche, based on, or reflectant of the mother-to-child relationship. THAT means it is quite possible that the damage from an unhealthy lesbian relationship could create the same disorders that an unhealthy relationship with one's mother could create.
Interesting subject. Seems as though someone would have done a study on it.
At this point though, it is all conjecture. It may be as simple as... Lesbians are more aware because their relationships expose them to emotions that most are only scraping the surface of. Most women I know don't just walk away when something goes wrong. They may do so physically, but on an emotional level, they want to know why. It may be that we just get to the bottom of it, and identify the problem as BPD or NPD, whereas others just go on and don't look back.
I'm curious to read what others have to say.

Quote from: SoMuchPain on February 07, 2010, 11:03:53 PM

the love of my life .. no   i  i can tell you, that while im not a gold-star, im definitely gay, and most definitely DO NOT have BPD.

me too ! me too !
I own up to probably being co-depandant , leaning towards the avoidant personality, too passive, um what else...
oh yea, I let people walk all over me, I am a bit OCD ( don't need medication but, I can be a bit of a neat freak)
but i am NOT borderline!
although, I could see where some of the features ( of BPD) can present in other situations- or at least be misconstrued, and have someone call it Borderline, but it is not really.

I think you are right on the money twofeathers, with women it much more emotional, and so much thinking, and pondering, you know?  Men are liek " yay, potoaoes and steak, then maybe later ..."
with women everything needs to be discussed, and picked apart, and thought about.And god help us if you ar eun-emotional !
Also Think about the hormones involved !  I mean havgin pms in a relationship two times as much as a hetero relationship, and then add in mental illness perhaps ...

all in all I think I am a fairly good quality lesbian  ;D
this is funny, I just  remarked somewhere " we" should have our own support group .


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