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Think About It... Whether we bounce back from a breakup or wallow in unhappiness depends on our general self-regard. In a University of California, Santa Barbara study where participants people with low self-esteem took rejection the worst: They were most likely to blame themselves for what had happened and to rail against the rejecter. ~ Skip
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Author Topic: Can people with BPD really love?  (Read 8308 times)
Metta
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« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2010, 06:19:04 PM »

Dear Butterfly,
Avoid this man. Do not allow him contact. I don't like his indecent proposal to you. Yuck!

Can they love?
Mine would declare his love for me constantly, even when he had returned to an ex.

I finally decided that I didn't care if he thought he loved me or not. He probably loved some fantasy image of me and not the real woman I am.
I've given up trying to figure out if he loved me.

All I know is that all the pain and drama he caused me were not loving actions. I need love to be enacted through respect, courage and some tenderness. But mostly courage and respect, which he never had for himself or gave to me.
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2010, 08:23:37 PM »

Oh my goodness me look at all the reply posts! Thank you so much guys

Well after receiving a "goodnite. i miss you" and a "good morning" text off the exBPDbf while he is staying at his new flames...I have decided to go NC FINALLY!

My psychologist told me there are three stages after a relationship break up
1  grief of loss  ...done that been there ended up in hospital!
2  the "what ifs?"...yep done that too!
3 the anger stage...well guess what im there...all I can say what an hit_ but "Thank you" to myexBPDbf for showing your true colours over he last week he sure did validate alot of questions in my head for oh so long!

But here you go a$$hole...

You used me
You cheated on me
You lied to me
You manipulated me
You controlled me
You isolated me
You threatened me
You abused me
You disrespected me...NO YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE...
                 So this song is for you my exBPDbf
                 Goodbye and Good riddence and I wish your new flame the best of luck grin lol lol lol lol oh if she only knew oh but thats right I would of been the horrible one...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAzkYmBZpE0

Butterfly
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GCD145
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« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2010, 08:32:52 PM »


Well after receiving a "goodnite. i miss you" and a "good morning" text off the exBPDbf while he is staying at his new flames...I have decided to go NC FINALLY!

Good for you  Doing the right thing  !

It's easiest when you make it impossible for them to contact you.  Email blocks are really important, and consider changing your phone number.

Be strong,

GCD145
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kly
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« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2010, 01:03:00 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
Valentine09
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« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2010, 01:21:15 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  

I second that  cheesy
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kj1234
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« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2010, 01:46:14 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  
I third that!  Doing the right thing
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2010, 12:44:30 AM »

I am just going to vent here so excuse me guys...i have been looking back not in a reminiscing way but a "oh my god"  Thought way i am remember times when i had been manipulated to meet his needs and no body elses and i am angry and i feel so bloody used and stupid but i suppose the saying "love makes you blind" is really true! it is amazing how when you start to stand up for yourself and dont take their hit_ and they work out that your over their crap and dont meet "THEIR" needs anymore they drop you like a hot rag and so easily hop onto the next victim without a bat of an eye. they make you to be the worse in the world to the next victim so they feel "secure" that the ex aint a round but they still bug you and tell you that they "miss you" and try to drag you along for the ride "just in case" it doesnt work out with the next person. My eyes have been opened up so much over the last two weeks and so many things have been validated and feel at ease inside to know that it wasnt me and i wasn't a paranoid girlfriend he really did cheat on me he really was lying to me over and over again...i wish i could warn this single mother of two boys what she has got but i know she would not believe me im just the crazy ex...he has already emotionally cheated on her and more than likely has already lied to her it is just a vivious cycle...will he ever get it? will he ever understand what real love is? you dont tell people what they want to hear to get what you want, you dont say you love someone to get your needs fulfillied, i have never met such a selfish person in all my life, so greedy, so manipulative it is disgusting and it makes me sick that i loved someone like that !  barfy

Butterfly
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Valentine09
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« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2010, 01:07:04 AM »

you dont tell people what they want to hear to get what you want, you dont say you love someone to get your needs fulfillied, i have never met such a selfish person in all my life, so greedy, so manipulative it is disgusting and it makes me sick that i loved someone like that !  barfy

Butterfly


I feel the same way.  Mine told me she loved me one week and was gone for good two weeks later.  What they do should be illegal.  At least there should be some way to report them   lol    It wouldn't be as bad if they just left us alone after they leave us...but they like to torture us, and that's just evil.
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #28 on: February 11, 2010, 04:00:17 AM »

Yes I know Valentine! Whats the deal with that? why on earth do they turn around after dumping your ass for someone else and say they want to be friends and send you "i miss yous" "goodnight" and "goodmorning" text messages when there with the one they choose over you if there so great give them all of your time and attention you just dont do that it is emotional cheating to me...ive gone NC anyways i was over the messages and the invitations to his place when his girl wasnt around I respect myself too much...

butterfly
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kj1234
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« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2010, 10:54:14 AM »

Butterfly, I found myself saying, I guess love really is blind and ignorance is bliss (but not quite), after all the realities started to hit me.

  What they do should be illegal.  At least there should be some way to report them   lol

I recommend prenuptial agreements.  Marriage is supposed to be a "contract", but most states now have "no-fault" divorce, which pretty much means the contract has no validity and can not be used to protect either party from the other's actions, even in the case of adultery.  The typical court rules may allow you to retrieve some monetary things taken from you, maybe, but those rules are a bit of "pot luck" also because the equitable distribution is not necessarily equitable in the context of the devoided marriage contract.  I, myself, seem to have been lucky (or partially smart just by chance) this time.  She tried to get the money, but it appears she will have to give instead.  I'll call that justice by luck.
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