SUCCESS STORIES

[Think About It...]

Thanks much for this thread! 

When I first became serious with my DH and discovered that his ex wife had BPD, I looked hard for success stories of POST divorce relationships with people diagnosed with BPD.  I knew his ex (not well) before they split up, and she seemed remarkably open to me, though occasionally raging.  I have worked with many mentally ill people, and do not get my buttons pushed as easily as some by crazy stuff, and also have good boundaries.  I had high hopes.  They have not been realized. 

I share the experience of the BPD in my life (my "ex-wife in-law") that sometimes it seems all she needs is someone to WANT to understand her, someone to love her for who she is.  The biggest success stories here seem to be stories in which people were truly great mates for each other, with the exception of the BPD issue...I know many people stay with a partner for religious reasons, but it seems that many here stayed due to real love and friendship.  This is why my partner and I are together.  We are deep, true friends.  With his ex, that was not the case.  He became involved for the drama, and they got pregnant a few months in, and told him when he tried to break up after a violent spell.  They were never really friends, but he stayed for 7 years "for the kids."  He did love her, but never had the friendship or skills to create boundaries or to use "non-violent communication skills" like Randi Krieger's. 

He is now quite honest about the ways that his reactions to her and his personality contributed to her worst BPD rages.  I think the bottom line, though, was that they really did not have that "partnership/friendship/soulmate" connection so many of you seem to have that makes learning these skills seem worth it. 

I really think the BPD in our life has a lot of potential.  She refuses to accept diagnosis and is alcoholic, on the downside.  On the upside, she always responds positively to my genuine caring about her, even when she is hatefully attacking me.  She will always hug back.  She has a warm, loving side that can really be accessed even in the worst times.  She does not cut or self-harm.  She is able to maintain a few (one or two) good friends.  She has strong social values and works to help the world in lots of good ways.  She loves her kids, though she is very self-absorbed and can be negligent and emotionally abusive and manipulative to the extreme, and is very focused on alienating them from their dad. 

All this said, I wish that there were more examples of successful separation, successful post-divorce relationships.  Not just tolerance, but real care.  Part of the problem here is the terrible devastation of abandonment for the BPD sufferer--even when she leaves first.  Part of the issue is that while the BPD person in my life always responds to loving/understanding/compassionate actions and statements in the moment, she forgets about this feeling right away and it turns into her old story--"everyone hates me, screw them!"  I would have to be telling her she is okay with me, even crazy, every five minutes for that feeling to have any lasting impressoin--and I would not have that kind of energy for even a romantic partner, much less my partner's ex wife! 

But I can see that if my current mate became mentally ill, I would do everything in my power to work through that with him (as I do with issues that have developed in the past 3 years of our relationship), because I love him and because the things I need to do inside me to make it all work are things I want to do anyway, and he supports me in that. 

More power to you all!  I know I am not supposed to post on this board, but sometimes I feel alone in my sense that the BPD person in my life is really a beautiful soul--someone that is VERY hard for me to deal with, someone who may never seek treatment, someone who may mostly hate me and do her best to destroy me due to my role in her and her kids' and ex husband's lives...but someone who STILL can really hear it when I tell her I love her for who she is, and someone who can genuinely tell me the same. 

I really see her as a success story...he relationships are mess, her kids are emotionally scrambled...but here is a woman who was beaten senseless by mom, abandoned at 2 years old by dad, and sexually abused by her mom's BFs until she became a teen...and she 1) Does not physically abuse her kids; 2) has never officially objected to their dad having 50% custody, though she has tried to alienate the kids from him constantly and tells them she will take them away from daddy, but has never tried; 3) has two kids who really do feel loved by her...fearful about her leaving or dying or freaking out, yes...but loved.  This is a woman who took in unimaginable pain and somehow turned it into a lot of love.  Lots of rage, anger, meanness, ugly emotional manipulation, yes...but also a lot of love, forgiveness, and MUCH better parenting than she was given.  She is a difficult part of my life, and I feel very angry at times about how she treats the kids and my husband; I love them, and see the pain that her untreated BPD causes in their lives. 

But ultimately, she is in some ways a hero.  And whatever pain her choice not to treat her BPD and her parents' choices to hurt her causes me, her kids, or her ex husband, it causes her much more.  I hope she can find a partner who can be there for her in the way you all have been there for yours; and who she feels the kind of love for that makes her be able to risk seeking therapy. 

[ennie]

Thanks much for this thread! 

When I first became serious with my DH and discovered that his ex wife had BPD, I looked hard for success stories of POST divorce relationships with people diagnosed with BPD.  I knew his ex (not well) before they split up, and she seemed remarkably open to me, though occasionally raging.  I have worked with many mentally ill people, and do not get my buttons pushed as easily as some by crazy stuff, and also have good boundaries.  I had high hopes.  They have not been realized. 

I share the experience of the BPD in my life (my "ex-wife in-law") that sometimes it seems all she needs is someone to WANT to understand her, someone to love her for who she is.  The biggest success stories here seem to be stories in which people were truly great mates for each other, with the exception of the BPD issue...I know many people stay with a partner for religious reasons, but it seems that many here stayed due to real love and friendship.  This is why my partner and I are together.  We are deep, true friends.  With his ex, that was not the case.  He became involved for the drama, and they got pregnant a few months in, and told him when he tried to break up after a violent spell.  They were never really friends, but he stayed for 7 years "for the kids."  He did love her, but never had the friendship or skills to create boundaries or to use "non-violent communication skills" like Randi Krieger's. 

He is now quite honest about the ways that his reactions to her and his personality contributed to her worst BPD rages.  I think the bottom line, though, was that they really did not have that "partnership/friendship/soulmate" connection so many of you seem to have that makes learning these skills seem worth it. 

I really think the BPD in our life has a lot of potential.  She refuses to accept diagnosis and is alcoholic, on the downside.  On the upside, she always responds positively to my genuine caring about her, even when she is hatefully attacking me.  She will always hug back.  She has a warm, loving side that can really be accessed even in the worst times.  She does not cut or self-harm.  She is able to maintain a few (one or two) good friends.  She has strong social values and works to help the world in lots of good ways.  She loves her kids, though she is very self-absorbed and can be negligent and emotionally abusive and manipulative to the extreme, and is very focused on alienating them from their dad. 

All this said, I wish that there were more examples of successful separation, successful post-divorce relationships.  Not just tolerance, but real care.  Part of the problem here is the terrible devastation of abandonment for the BPD sufferer--even when she leaves first.  Part of the issue is that while the BPD person in my life always responds to loving/understanding/compassionate actions and statements in the moment, she forgets about this feeling right away and it turns into her old story--"everyone hates me, screw them!"  I would have to be telling her she is okay with me, even crazy, every five minutes for that feeling to have any lasting impressoin--and I would not have that kind of energy for even a romantic partner, much less my partner's ex wife! 

But I can see that if my current mate became mentally ill, I would do everything in my power to work through that with him (as I do with issues that have developed in the past 3 years of our relationship), because I love him and because the things I need to do inside me to make it all work are things I want to do anyway, and he supports me in that. 

More power to you all!  I know I am not supposed to post on this board, but sometimes I feel alone in my sense that the BPD person in my life is really a beautiful soul--someone that is VERY hard for me to deal with, someone who may never seek treatment, someone who may mostly hate me and do her best to destroy me due to my role in her and her kids' and ex husband's lives...but someone who STILL can really hear it when I tell her I love her for who she is, and someone who can genuinely tell me the same. 

I really see her as a success story...he relationships are mess, her kids are emotionally scrambled...but here is a woman who was beaten senseless by mom, abandoned at 2 years old by dad, and sexually abused by her mom's BFs until she became a teen...and she 1) Does not physically abuse her kids; 2) has never officially objected to their dad having 50% custody, though she has tried to alienate the kids from him constantly and tells them she will take them away from daddy, but has never tried; 3) has two kids who really do feel loved by her...fearful about her leaving or dying or freaking out, yes...but loved.  This is a woman who took in unimaginable pain and somehow turned it into a lot of love.  Lots of rage, anger, meanness, ugly emotional manipulation, yes...but also a lot of love, forgiveness, and MUCH better parenting than she was given.  She is a difficult part of my life, and I feel very angry at times about how she treats the kids and my husband; I love them, and see the pain that her untreated BPD causes in their lives. 

But ultimately, she is in some ways a hero.  And whatever pain her choice not to treat her BPD and her parents' choices to hurt her causes me, her kids, or her ex husband, it causes her much more.  I hope she can find a partner who can be there for her in the way you all have been there for yours; and who she feels the kind of love for that makes her be able to risk seeking therapy. 

[Blossom]

What is your story of recovery? What has helped you? Your loved one? Your relationship? What challenges have you experienced along the way? What are your hopes for the future?

I think i can legitimately post here ... I came across this thread again recently and realised things have become a success for us, there are still issues, dBPDh's recovery has got a way to go still but he has come a long way.

We've been together five years, married for four. What helped us, i think, is that i have grown up with a mentally ill parent (who, thirty years later is still happily married to my mother) and as a result of my mother's work (health care field) and my own experiences, nothing he's shown has ever been a surprise, really. For me, it shows (as this site demonstrates) that information is empowering.

From my experiences, i've also been aware of the holistic element of recovery; dBPDh has benefited incredibly from eating healthily (he previously had a terrible diet) and improved sleep hygiene. He was suspicious to begin with but realises that a mind can only work well when it's got a healthy body helping it.

Recovery has been helped by several things, not just his DBT. His moving several hundred miles with me back to my hometown, and so, away from the areas he has previously lived in and suffered abuse in, has helped. That isn't to advocate running away from problems, but that distance helps. His nightmares and panic attacks reduced when there was a tangible distance from those who had hurt him.

I try not to think of myself as a carer but as balancing the need to be his guardian (of sorts) and cracking the whip. It's a balance that has benefited him. Being firm (so boundaries, in a sense) has also been a part of what has helped; at one point, dBPDh had issues with alcohol and (to cut a long story short), i told him he could carry on drinking if he wanted, but he would not longer be a part of our family. He didn't drink, after that, for almost a year and then he initiated discussion about alcohol. We eventually came to a compromise and, bless him, he always asks if it's okay for him to have a drink (as we had previously discussed) and most importantly listens when i suggest another day might be better, or another week etc.

Our biggest challenge was earlier this year (February, i think?) where i was wondering whether or not to continue with our relationship. The result was a very, very intense week of discussion between dBPDh and i; it was distressing at time but, in the end, it was important for us. My concerns had been (again, to cut a long story short) that whilst i loved him dearly, i wasn't going to wait indefinitely for improvement. The amazing thing was that my husband listened but importantly, as we talked, i had to be very careful with what i said. It meant talking slowly and in black and white terms, preventing him from construing anything otherwise. It was a very big case of cracking the whip and dBPDh being brave but it worked, he has coped with changes that had previously scared him and prefers things as they are now.

We have also had a lot of fun with medication and he is now happy on an anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety med (diazepam) and sleeping tablets. It's a heavy regime and the anti-depressant is a new development but works very well with the anti-psychotic and relieves some of the descending fog that comes with anti-psychotic meds. The diazepam has been important to him, he gets a very small number each month (to prevent addiction) and they help him calm down in those moments when he would otherwise have a meltdown that would result in very destructive behaviour and gives him the time to get away from the stress and/or to cope with it using his DBT skills. The sleeping tablets are, in a way, holistic too; with a properly rested body, his mind is much better equiped to cope.

So that's us, for the moment. I would like to think that in two or three years time, he may even be free of the diagnosis or at least close to that point. But who knows what will come; we hope for a good future, we don't expect it.

[Checkmate]

I won't try to predict our future .. My partner and I have been together for about 3 years ... the first 2 years where good and then he became very dysregulated ... shortly after he was dx with BPD ...

The first six months after the dx were HARD ... on both of us ... The actions leading to his dx were very hurtful to both of us individuall and our relationship ... a lot of trust was destroyed ...

The last couple of months things have very much improved ...

Here is why I think they have ...

1. I don't get all worked  up over his stuff anymore ... He want's to break up, I just go with it ... It will change ...
2. I suck at validation so I go about it differently ... When I know something is wrong I drag it out of him and we talk about the issue head on
3. We were in couples therapy for about 4 months to start the discussion and he continues to see his individual therapist
4. My SO is aware and accepts his BPD ... Doesn't mean he likes it .. In fact he hates having it ... But he doesn't hide from it either ... Even if the BPD gets the upper hand for a couple of days, when he calms down he analyzes what happens and takes responsibility ...
5. My SO isn't verbally or physically abusive

So do we have a success story?

I don't know ..

Have things improved? Yes ... But is it a "perfect" relationship? No and it never will be ... But then nothing is ...

Is my SO more self aware? Yes and that, more than anything else has helped things to improve

For myself, personally, in all this the best thing I did was to just leave stuff alone and not get caught up in his craziness ...


I have no idea what will happen in a year for us ... But I can see improvements today ...

[LiveWire]

It's been years since I last visited and posted on this site. And I'm happy to say I'm still with my BPD partner who also became my wife about a year ago. To recap, our relationship started off with a bang and almost identical to one of the articles posted on this site ("How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves"). Rages occurred at least once or twice a week and even became physical a couple times, including once where I had to throw her out of the house to keep her from attacking me. But I knew early on things weren't "normal" with her, and that her anger stemmed from something deeper than anything I did to her. One of our biggest issues was her witnessing me looking at another woman early on in our relationship, something that still bothers her a great deal today. Her sexually abusive father used to let her in on all his disgusting sexual thoughts about women--who he'd like to have sex with, who he is having sex with (while cheating on her mother)--so she never grew up with a healthy understanding of male sexuality. To her, if I find another woman attractive that means she's not good enough.

She's been in therapy for several years now, starting first with DBT and now entering CBT/PTSD. Her disorders include BPD, PTSD, DID, OCD, eating, and other anxiety disorders. She's been declared permanently disabled.

I've learned a LOT about mental illness in our 5 years being together. I've practiced the PUVAS skill, but more than anything I've realized that when she's really upset or angry she's actually just extremely hurt and overwhelmed with emotion much like a child. Validating her feelings and being sympathetic can immediately disarm her, as there's almost no point in trying to be logical (i.e. Wise Mind) when her emotions are in motion.

One of the biggest frustrations I've always had is getting enough time to myself. I work a regular 40 hour week and she often sits home alone with her emotions. By the time I get home she wants my attention because it makes her feel better. This also tends to get worse for her as the day progresses. When things are really bad, this means I spend the majority of the night with her, listening to her talk about her feelings or telling her why I love her. It can be difficult to get even an hour or two to myself which I desperately need in order to unwind and be healthy, and this can sometimes spark arguments because my patience eventually runs thin.

Since she has started PTSD therapy things have really regressed as we were warned. Two suicide attempts in the past month and two emergency room visits. One attempt was made during a remote camping trip where I had to force her to throw up pills, all the while trying to hide the situation from our friends. Needless to say you don't exactly feel refreshed after a vacation like that. And it was all due to her obsessive thoughts about how many other women I must have gone camping with before her (i.e. feelings of worthlessness).

But she has improved considerably since the start of our relationship. Arguments no longer turn into extreme rages. She doesn't demonize me as often or dissociate as much. This has helped the relationship a lot, but there's plenty more work ahead as we're still learning, especially about her DID and her personas. DID causes her to forget things and past events, especially arguments and difficult days or suicide attempts. This explains why she can wake up the next day after a dysfunctional night and not even remember it happening. Unfortunately this has also had a negative effect on some of her friendships, as other people are less understanding when they're treated unfairly during one of her disordered episodes that she can't even recall.

[eeyore]

I am happy to say much progress has been made since I first arrived here.  Much progress has been made in just the last 9 months.  There has not been any rages in our house for months now.  We are talking constructively and the largest problem for us has been dealt with.   We will most likely always have some problems to be dealt with but at least we can do so much better now.  There has been peace and contentment not from avoidance but from true problem solving and working together.

[superpup]

Hi guys,

I would really like to say happy and relieved I am to read your success stories.
Since me and my partner ended our r/ship after a turbulent and crazy year, it was only then that I decided to do some research and I found out about BPD, and everything clicked in to place. Me and my uBPD ex are currently spending some time apart to focus on our own lives and have arranged to meet up in December to maybe talk about trying again.
I don't know if he will want to, as far as he is concerned I spent the year 'hurting' him so badly that he doesn't trust me anymore (and I'm sure you are all aware that I did nothing to intentionally hurt him, a great phrase is that i occasionally fell off the insane and illogical pedestal he had placed me on which of course meant that I didn't love him and that I was the enemy)
As far as I'm concerned, since I found out about BPD, I am going to do everything I can to learn and understand what they go through, so that I can use the tools to keep us both from hurting each other and being able to live in peace and happiness. There is nothing I want more in the world than to be with my soulmate again.
I just hope he gives me that chance.

The reason I am posting on here is that during my research so far, I have come across so many sites and help for 'leaving a partner with BPD', there is waaaaaaaaaaay more info on how to leave than how to stay, and I was starting to worry that maybe its just to hard.

Your stories have given me hope, and I thank you all so much for allowing me and others to share them. 

[resend_end]

I think the major reason that we are still married is because I was willing to be alone and I took that chance. On his end he was given a wake up call and was willing to admit the way he dealt with his anger was not ok and he looked for help to change. Things are not perfect but life is much happier for both of us.

This is my experience as well.  After my BPDFH's brain cancer was found, and after he stopped chemo (he actually quit, long story... ugh, noncompliance!), he wanted to be on another "break" from the relationship - this was 3 years in, after many other breaks - and I put my foot down. I said "Fine, but I'm going to see other people too this time."  Having the tables turned really made him see what life was like without me around.  I didn't like being without him either, and we came back together and were much happier after that.

[georgie_porgie]

Hi. I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years. She is has been on medication and been doing therapy since before we met. She has made so much progress over the past year. The first year of our relationship was the hardest. I was away on a family holiday when she texted me to say she was down and was stood on a motorway bridge. I immediately got in touch with her parents and told them where she was. They went and got her and she was put on a mental ward. When I got back from holiday the first thing I did was go to see her. She seems fine and she was due to be released the next day. But a few hours after my visit her mum visited her and they ended up arguing. She left the ward and went missing.

Me and her mother drove around looking for her for a few hours when we came to a road blocked by police and ambulances. We immediately knew it was her. A police officer confirmed she had been knocked down by a car and we followed the ambulance to the hospital. My initial thoughts were, she's dead or she's a vegetable. I was inconsolable. I could hear her cries of pain through a door, as I was not allowed to see her until they had made an initial examination. When we were allowed in she was covered in blood and vomit, and was strapped down as she was thrashing around from all the pain. She didn't even know i was there. I tried to comfort her, telling her I was there, but she was in too much pain. She was sedated and taken away for an x ray to check for internal damage, or bleeding. 2 hours we waited anxiously for the results. All clear. She had miraculously survived a car accident with only bruises and cuts. A miracle! I spent the night in hospital with her. Ignoring the nurses telling me I couldn't sleep on the bed with her. I had nearly lost her, I wasn't going to let her go.

 It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I don't think I even realised myself until recently how much that night has effected me. I sometimes get flashbacks about it and cry. I came so close to losing her. But, a year down the line and she has decided she wants to live, she hasn't cut in almost a year. I'm so proud of her. She says she did it all for me, but I know how much hard work and determination it takes to do what she has achieved in such a short space of time. I'm extremely lucky as I know a lot of partners of BPD sufferers are abused physically or verbally,  but my girlfriend is the gentlest person I know. And the most honest. She never lies. If i ask her something she will always tell me the truth. We have a fantastic, affectionate relationship. I know she is my soul mate and I will be with her forever. I will stand by her because I know what we have is worth everything and I wont lose her again.

[resend_end]

My uPBDfh and I had a really good evening last night!  He just got a new job (car sales) and had a rough day at work, plus he was struggling with his father's distancing and in general he wanted to talk.  He had been telling me about it when I was on my way home from work, but had to go since his dad was calling him.

I told him I had to stop at the library, then I'd be home.  I did, and when I got in I greeted him and the dog, and held the cat for a while, and everything seemed okay.  Then he got out his computer, and I asked if I could tell him more about my trip to the dentists earlier, and he said I could.  So I was talking, and he was quiet.  After I'd finished, he was still quiet for a while, so I kept asking if things were okay, and got a non-committal response from him.

He went to lay down in the bedroom then, in the way that he does when he's upset, and I went and tried to ask him to talk.  He wouldn't.  I got angry, and left the room to take out the trash.  After the trash I felt a bit calmer and decided to try again.  I could tell he was in more distress now, so I asked if I could sit by him on the bed and read.  And once I did, he eventually did open up to me.  Turns out he had wanted to tell me more about my day, but apparently I just "never stop talking" and he didn't know how to get a word in.  So when I didn't ask him about his story, he got upset because I was telling mine, and since I didn't remedy the situation that's when he went into the bedroom.

We discussed this and both agreed to try to express ourselves more openly.  I asked if it would help to have a stick or another object that was the "speaking stick", and if he needed to talk he could hold it up and I'd know he had something to say.  He's considering this idea, though he says his family used to try that when he was a teenager and wouldn't listen (literally would not listen even when his parents had the speaking stick), so I can tell there might be some resistance.

But!  We made progress.  I didn't give in to withdrawal or anger, I waited him out and was patient and he actually talked to me.  There was no blow-up.  We were able to go to dinner with his dad and have a nice time, and then went and got a Wii later in the evening and played it and had a great time!

If every time he has an issue things can go this way, we are on our way to great times.   

[Senra]

I'm happy to say that almost 8 months in, I consider our relationship at the very least on the WAY to success, due in part to this website.  It helped me so much to view his moods/actions in terms of regulated and dysregulated and to adjust my own thinking and actions accordingly.  It's been exactly a month and since I've adjusted myself I feel like we've been able to manage his dysregulations so that they aren't even the dysregulations that we've known, they're def bad moods but they don't escalate to much more than him being pissy and withdrawing for the night (before there was horrible verbal abuse, was starting to escalate into physical, and he put a loaded gun to his head in front of me and threatened suicide one night     I feel like he's responding to me so productively and seems so motivated to avoid what it was like before.  I'm very proud of us.  His moods would be the worst when he drank and now they def do usually return but instead of targeting me we use the time to process a bunch of grief and loss and PTSD  stuff that he's never dealt with, from childhood to now.  He's in the military and also been a cop and there is just so much he's experienced and never dealt w in a productive way.  I'm a mental health professional but I'm very conscious of the fact that I am not his therapist although obviously he needs therapy badly.  Loved ones can usually be very therapeutically supportive  to a certain extent though in any sort of mental health issue/situation, so I just do what I can in my role as that.  In fact just listening and validating  is basically all I do and he really seems to respond...yay us LOL!  Of course I'm prepared for anything but I'm also convinced that ground is never really lost, it just  goes into hiding!

[wieand05]

This isn't exactly a success story cause my wife isn't cured yet. She decided to move back into our house and we made her her own room. A room where she can go to if she needs space, no stress, relax, whatever she needs for her own time. 2 days ago I decided to write my thoughts on paper. My thoughts turned into 3 pages. She woke up and asked me what those papers were on the bed. I said, "oh, I thought I should write my thoughts down to see if it helps me cause I had things on my mind. You can read it if you want, but there are some things you probably won't like." So she starts reading and questions me calmly about some of the things. I was surprised on how calm she was. Well that night we talked about things, she let the truth out finally and was honest with me. She knew I expected the worst and had suspicions about certain things.

Since we talked, She's been the person I know she can be. It's fantastic. I have a strong feeling that most of our problems were from her holding everything back and away from me. I also feel like since she read my thoughts, she understood my feelings. I could never say what I thought cause she would always say her point of view and it's hard for me to say anything. I also can't think fast enough to say things in a conversation about problems . I always end up thinking of things later. Anyway, her and I both believe this room for her is a perfect idea. She gets to see her sons, she has her space, she can see my progress as a husband, and I get my wife back. We're even talking a lot more which is great. I would love to be intimate with her, but she doesn't want that yet. She wants to help herself first and I respect that.

So here's to the best   

[Belley]

I am newbie to this site and I have a daughter and husband with BPD.  I also had a mother who apparently had scizophrenia and took her own life and then was raised by a pedophile father.  This is such a positive site so I too wanted to say thank you and I wholeheartedly agree that DBT, setting boundaries giving love and living in the moment is key and these stories are proof of this.  Also I support people with physical disabilities today and have worked with intellectually challenged as well as in corrections and when supporting people regardless of their type of diability this works.  This is probably why I stay positive and hopeful.  thanks for the encouragement.  I am also happy to report my bp daughter is receiving counselling and is in college taking the community and justice course and on her way to recovery.  The bigger picture I feel with her is that she will be an asset to her field.  My BPD husband is in a mood disorder support group now which in essence promotes mindfulness and personal accountability from recovered peers which is awesome.  I also want to add that god is good because I've always appreciated the power of prayer.

[VB]

Well, I am back after months away from the board. I wanted to try and see how me and him went. Yes, we had our ups and downs and our fights and our tantrums and our push and pulls, but we have made it through. My B/F is so much better. He now has a job (working away) and it has given him the confidence he needs and the space I need. We are moving from an apartment into a house so we will have more space to get away from each other when we need to!

I know that traits from his condition have rubbed off on me, by maybe I also I have traits. I dunno, that is a totally different story. I couldn't live without him, and he has made an effort, a massive effort. I just hope that it will last. I know that there will be times when bad things happen, but we will just work though them. I know I have to stop my traits showing thorugh so I am throwing myself into the house move and the gym and my running again. I will keep dropping by on here! This board helped me so much and I don't know what I would have done without it! 

[Godhelp]

Thank you for your post I am new to this all and looking for help it is good to hear some stories that have made it

[egwene]

I never thought that I'd be at this point, but I think that my story is a success.  uBPDbf and I have gone 3 months with no major incidents, and just this weekend he acknowledged and apologized for all of his behavior over the past year - SHOCKING, I KNOW.  I'd been doing my part - once I stopped putting up with his behavior, set boundaries for myself, and realized that I was willing to walk away, it forced him to take care of what he needed to do to keep his own emotions in check.  Taking better care of myself physically and emotionally was key.

Overall, he said, that a lot of the issues we've had in the past year were him creating and playing out scenarios in his head as to why we shouldn't be together because he was scared.  He says now that he's over being scared and wants to take the next step.  What's funny is that 6 months ago I would have killed to hear that from him because I was so codependent.  Now I'm so much more confident that I sort of wonder - well is he really what I want? 

Whatever my answer to that question may be in the future, I'm happy with where I am today.  Thank you to this board for being such a source of strength and support in what had been the darkest days on my life.  I hope that my story is a beacon of hope for those of you who haven't yet gotten where you want to be in your relationships...  With Love, Egwene

[lisa17]

Hello my name is Lisa my fiancee katie has BPD. I just wanted to share a sucess story.

After a traumatic childhood involving abuse, abondment, bullying and neglect she turned to self harm at the tender age of 12. Cutting, bitting, burning, ligaturing anything she could do. She also started to devlopobsseive all consumming crushes and attachements to women in autority eg: teachers, guide leaders etc. This behaviour would been seen as harassment/ stalking.

She had a major breakdown at the age of 20 at work and was refered to a mental health team for treatment. They did not help and acutally encouraged the beahviour. She went from job to job always being dismissed for erratic and self harming behaviour follwoing an attachment to boss/ superviser/colleague.

This eventually came to a head when, four years ago she was arrested and sent to Holloway prison facing 20 years for attemtped arson and harrassment having tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide by setting light to herself. This was to be a blessing in disguise. She was quickly diagnosed with BPD and after six months and being abused in prion was relased into pyschiatric care. Follwoing another hosptial admition for a massive overdose she was sent to a theraputic community in Birmingham called  Main House designed for people with BPD.


She was fianlly with people who understood and could her help. However she was still told that she would never have a 'notmal' life be able to go back to working in care or hold down a job. Spurred on by the death of her mother she engaged in extre therapy and was detrimend to prove the drs wrong and show them that although they can't 'cure' BPD you can take control of the illness rather than letting the illness control you.

She is now medication free and happily living with me in a 'healthy' functionning relationship. She hasnt self harmed for two years and is currently studying for her phd in child pyschology so she can help people like her.

We are too be married in november and we have just be approved to adopt our first child next year. There are still times the illness causes her distress but she is determined it aint going to ruin her life anymore.

So for all thoes out there struggling with BPD remeber there is hope and the doctors are not always right You can beat this rottern illness and live hapily long lives

[Steph]

Hello my name is Lisa my fiancee katie has BPD. I just wanted to share a sucess story.

After a traumatic childhood involving abuse, abondment, bullying and neglect she turned to self harm at the tender age of 12. Cutting, bitting, burning, ligaturing anything she could do. She also started to devlopobsseive all consumming crushes and attachements to women in autority eg: teachers, guide leaders etc. This behaviour would been seen as harassment/ stalking.

She had a major breakdown at the age of 20 at work and was refered to a mental health team for treatment. They did not help and acutally encouraged the beahviour. She went from job to job always being dismissed for erratic and self harming behaviour follwoing an attachment to boss/ superviser/colleague.

This eventually came to a head when, four years ago she was arrested and sent to Holloway prison facing 20 years for attemtped arson and harrassment having tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide by setting light to herself. This was to be a blessing in disguise. She was quickly diagnosed with BPD and after six months and being abused in prion was relased into pyschiatric care. Follwoing another hosptial admition for a massive overdose she was sent to a theraputic community in Birmingham called  Main House designed for people with BPD.


She was fianlly with people who understood and could her help. However she was still told that she would never have a 'notmal' life be able to go back to working in care or hold down a job. Spurred on by the death of her mother she engaged in extre therapy and was detrimend to prove the drs wrong and show them that although they can't 'cure' BPD you can take control of the illness rather than letting the illness control you.

She is now medication free and happily living with me in a 'healthy' functionning relationship. She hasnt self harmed for two years and is currently studying for her phd in child pyschology so she can help people like her.

We are too be married in november and we have just be approved to adopt our first child next year. There are still times the illness causes her distress but she is determined it aint going to ruin her life anymore.

So for all thoes out there struggling with BPD remeber there is hope and the doctors are not always right You can beat this rottern illness and live hapily long lives

 Hi and 

  Such a nice story!

How old is she at this point? and you? and how long together? What struggles have you had in the relationship?

My H actually was cured of BPD via DBT. Was this part of her treatment or what other therapies did she go thru?

Again, its nice to hear your story and we look forward to getting to know you!

Steph

[lisa17]

hi steph katie is 29 and i am 32. We struggled at first with the mood swings and she needed lots of my attention but its much better now. She had lots of therapy at main house including art and drama therapy. I think the turning point was the death of her best friend through suicide. She found her with jenny's parents and seeing the pain they went through made her realise she never wanted to put me or her family through the same

[manna1966]

Yes there is more info on how to leave.I can only think that indicates the severity of the disorder.
However -its great to hear your story.And all the rest here!

I went basically NC last week with the door left open a small crack.I hope UxBPDgf will find out more about her PD and that she contacts me.It's a small hope and I am forging ahead with a healthier outlook regardless.

M

The reason I am posting on here is that during my research so far, I have come across so many sites and help for 'leaving a partner with BPD', there is waaaaaaaaaaay more info on how to leave than how to stay, and I was starting to worry that maybe its just to hard.

[winning123]

1 year 6 months into therapy and 2 weeks without a episode. Wow after all the let downs seems to be getting better.Its hard for too hope this is gone but she seems to be dealing with things better...And me too I do not allow her to trigger me.