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Think About It... Resentment is a mental process in which we repeatedly replay a feeling, and the events leading up to that feeling that angers us. With resentment, we re-experience and relive events in ways that affect us mentally, emotionally, physiologically and spiritually in destructive ways. ~ Mark Siche (author of Healing from Family Rifts),
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Author Topic: FACEBOOK... the BPD's feeding ground?  (Read 4569 times)
dilbert
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« on: March 23, 2010, 10:10:29 PM »

thats where i 'met' mine. and after reading hundreds of posts on here, FB is a recurring theme. can we shut down facebook? i dont check her page, hell the last time i talked to her was because i deleted her. we have to do something about fb...any suggestion? the only reason i get on there now is to play mafia wars lol. hey, if any of you are into mafia wars, let me know. what we gonna do about the facebook hell?
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goldenblunder
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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2010, 10:15:38 PM »

In my view, it is text messaging.  That is the truly evil method of the BP.  She can sit across from you at a table and say "I love you" to somebody else.
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innerspirit
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« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2010, 10:29:38 PM »

Well, I guess it's how you use or don't use the technology.  I joined up on FB just after the break-up with X; he and I aren't on each other's list, and I've kept a strict boundary with contacts that are mostly "his".  Also I've been careful to keep my personal life off my FB page.  But for a while I found myself somewhat addicted to the site.  I can see how seductive it could be as a covert means of checking up on anyone's X.

Haha --- pre-Industrial Age, do you think s came in the form of yodeling? 
Talking drums?
Voodoo dolls?
Smoke signals?  How would you know which one was for you (unless the BP were capable of writing "Surrender, Dorothy" in the sky?)
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dilbert
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« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2010, 10:33:33 PM »

Well, I guess it's how you use or don't use the technology.  I joined up on FB just after the break-up with X; he and I aren't on each other's list, and I've kept a strict boundary with contacts that are mostly "his".  Also I've been careful to keep my personal life off my FB page.  But for a while I found myself somewhat addicted to the site.  I can see how seductive it could be as a covert means of checking up on anyone's X.

Haha --- pre-Industrial Age, do you think s came in the form of yodeling? 
Talking drums?
Voodoo dolls?
Smoke signals?  How would you know which one was for you (unless the BP were capable of writing "Surrender, Dorothy" in the sky?)
haha thats pretty good yodeling...lol. and im probably the only person on earth who doesnt have a cell phone so i can dodge that bullet easily...and this just in! not even 3 minutes ago i see there is a reply to my friends post...he made a comment about mushroom hungint and i told him to pick me up too...well guess who replied 3 times to it? i havent even looked! i just came back here to ftf real quick lol. can anyone else check for me? lol
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This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
SoMuchPain
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« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2010, 10:41:02 PM »

In my view, it is text messaging.  That is the truly evil method of the BP.  She can sit across from you at a table and say "I love you" to somebody else.


im pretty sure mine did this before.  and im pretty sure she's texted me these things while sitting across from someone else.  i finally got the balls to go through her phone ... part of me wishes i hadn't, other part was glad i did.
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zero0zero0zero0
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« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2010, 10:50:04 PM »

 lol yodeling  LOVE it!
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rumack

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« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2010, 10:52:00 PM »

I'm having a hell of a time with fb.  She blocked me long before we officially split because she wanted a break.  Turns out while I was blocked, she decided she would be single.  Anyways, in my insanity, I actually created a dummy profile.  I still can't see her page, but I could see when she changed her picture.  She put up some modeling photo, I assume to get attention.  Later on, I figured out a way to see what she updated on her profile through the friends list of one of her friends.  I keep looking to see that relationship status change.  I can't for the life of me stop, and I want to so badly.
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temp101
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« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2010, 10:53:56 PM »

I find facebook so yawn. Farmville and that stuff? Double-yawn. The interface is very dull. Same with Twitter! I think since it appeals to teens and people in their 20s, it's definitely a playground for the emotionally immature (the age 3-10 set playing at being adults). (Or for those who see it as entertaining in ways I just cannot fathom  ? .) I do have a FB page up for my business but check it rarely.

Blocking = you have cooties. Heart = I gave you a valentine, but maybe I gave the entire class a valentine, you figure it out. Friend = you're popular with me!

Might as well walk over to the local high school and roam the halls again like I did when I was a teen smiley.

dilbert, if you figure out how to shut it down, there's a huge population of oldies that won't miss it smiley.
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zero0zero0zero0
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« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2010, 10:55:55 PM »

I'm having a hell of a time with fb.  She blocked me long before we officially split because she wanted a break.  Turns out while I was blocked, she decided she would be single.  Anyways, in my insanity, I actually created a dummy profile.  I still can't see her page, but I could see when she changed her picture.  She put up some modeling photo, I assume to get attention.  Later on, I figured out a way to see what she updated on her profile through the friends list of one of her friends.  I keep looking to see that relationship status change.  I can't for the life of me stop, and I want to so badly.

I'm giving you a virtual slap on the hand.  Stop looking at her fb, it is bad for you.  I know what you're saying.  I feel your pain.  5 years later, on occasion I am curious.  Try that old trick where you put a rubber band on your wrist and SNAP it when your getting the urge.
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Discarded
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« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2010, 11:05:59 PM »

facebook is where i discovered my little gem. but i have no desire to
see her page, her posts, her relationship status, or anything else about
her. i miss the girl i signed up for, but not the toxic trixie i ended up with.
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dilbert
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« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2010, 11:49:03 PM »

well maybe i should start a thread at how to 'disengage' from mafia wars lol. and its somewhat useful...some of my freinds have moved across the country so its a free way to communicate. status updates? who cares if your dog is sick? or you got a new basketball...one day i played the game tho lol. posted what i did for an entire day including bowel movements and taking my shower and whether or not i used conditioner...
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innerspirit
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« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2010, 12:03:45 AM »

one day i played the game tho lol. posted what i did for an entire day including bowel movements and taking my shower and whether or not i used conditioner...

That's TMI.

Time to bid you good night, all --
I.S.
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dustysaltus


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« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2010, 07:55:50 AM »

I reconnected with my exBPD fiance through facebook. If I signed on to chat and signed off without saying HI to her, all hell would break loose. It was also embarassing that we went from "single" to "in a relationship" to "engaged" to "single" to "engaged" to "single" to "engaged" to "single"...so basically someone who was my 450th friend who I didn't speak to in 10 years now knows that I am in some kind of rollercoaster relationship.  lol

There's nothing wrong with facebook though, it's some of the people that use facebook that have something wrong with them.

I just deleted the whole thing. We just had too many mutual friends and I just didn't want to have to worry about it anymore. If someone wants to get in touch with me they can email me or call me that's it.
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stoic
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« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2010, 08:51:56 AM »

I also worry about what might happen on Facebook should I break up with my wife ... I will block her of course but I know there would be some sort of passive aggressive smear campaign against me.  And her one friend will keep her o.formed of my activities as well.. I will block her too lol
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redrover
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« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2010, 09:17:01 AM »

mine  while in the midst of a BPD rage/ psychotic episode- went onto my FB ( she had gotten my password) and changed my status from married to single, just so people would talk...
She also began to email MY work friends , and others and bad mouth me, but they would have none of it- I had explained to them she had " issues" ( funny, they had already clued into that  shocked)
They deleted her.
Oddly enoguh , after I stupidly let her back in my home, over 8 months have goen by, and she has never mentioned the fact of being deleted etc. And she is on FB addictively , constantly. ?
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cretehead
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« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2010, 09:17:59 AM »

True NC is avoiding things like your ex's FB, I am not, cant be on FB period,I havent looked at her page,or even visited the site in almost 2 years ,and I get many requests from folks to join ect. I delete immediatly, there is nothing good that come, from me looking at anything that is going on in her life, where she is supposably married, with a child, which in itself is so crazy! Believe me, I would love to know,but its part of my recovery to stay away.
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antman6
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« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2010, 11:29:53 AM »

My cousin and his girlfriend met up on facebook, no BPD issues to be aware of. It seems that more and more people are meeting using facebook. I have a date this weekend from it smiley
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WayneB73
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« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2010, 11:33:33 AM »

i read an article about how BPD people talk about them selves on Fb and try and gain attention, most of my ex's comments are about her and what she's doing, almost like she wanting to be populer.. she very rearly comment son other people's profiles unless it had a connection with her, ie tagged pics of her or somthing to do with where she works..

has any one else noticed that?
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Want2know
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« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2010, 11:48:16 AM »

My issues with FB resulted in him deleting his account.

There were 2 issues I ran into.  First, it took him a while to make me his "friend" because he felt that since we lived together that it would be too much interaction, and he wanted some space.  Well, that pissed me off and made me suspicious.  Finally when he made me his friend, we would post things back and forth on each others page, and sometimes, as in non-FB life, he was nasty (on a public forum).

Second issue was the people he was friends with...I saw him respond very flirtatiously with other women, some of whom I knew he had "dated" before.  I would say things on occasion, which pissed him off.  Then, one time when he left his FB signed on, I checked his email.  There was a long back and forth with an ex-girlfriend that implied that he and I were just friends, and that he was "in love" with her, and how he was so happy to have photos of her to view, and how beautiful she was.  It was unbelievable to me. 

Now, I know it's one of those situations where he was trying to have a "back-up" in case we didn't make it.  Well, I proceeded to make her my "friend" and email her directly about him, asking if she was interested in him and that I was concerned (I didn't tell her I saw the email).  She actually was very open with me, and I believe what she told me.  She said that they had fun when they used to hang out but that he was a "waste of a man"...she went on to say he had so much potential, but that he was too messed up as a person.  She also didn't like the fact that he had kids (she is a lot younger).

Well, he didn't like the fact that we had become "friends".  I finally confronted him and told him that she told me what he said in his email (about us just being friends, etc.).  His excuse was that he was trying to reconnect with her because she was sexually abused when she was young, and so was his daughter, and he thought by being friends with her, he could understand what his daughter is going through.  Uh, yeah, that's why you tell her you're in love with her and he and I are just friends?  Yeah, right.

That was enough for him to delete his account.  Thank god.  One thing down, about a million more to go.
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“Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth."~ Souza

dilbert
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« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2010, 04:23:01 PM »

i read an article about how BPD people talk about them selves on Fb and try and gain attention, most of my ex's comments are about her and what she's doing, almost like she wanting to be populer.. she very rearly comment son other people's profiles unless it had a connection with her, ie tagged pics of her or somthing to do with where she works..

has any one else noticed that?
oh ya, its like the same as holding a billboard above their head that says 'look at me!'
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