life good, infected paw bad

[Think About It...]

So I figured I haven't given an update in a while, so here it is! Short version: life has its ups and downs but in general things are really very good.

Long version... I've had my first two sessions with my new therapist, and I like her. She's smart and she remembers things and she seems like she's gonna help me stay really focused on the stuff I have to work on. The stuff I have to work on is making me kinda nuts on and off, but I'm feeling really good about it. Enforced a boundary with a difficult friend/coworker the other day and feel really good about that. I've decided to stop going to MC with Carmel my SO every week--I've got my own therapist now, and the MC really isn't getting me or doing the MC with any skill at all. It's actually a real problem, as she's the T Carmel's come to feel really connected to after like 5 years or something, but this woman is starting down the road to that old age forgetfulness that's not dementia but not good for your therapist to have, esp when you've got BPD. So Carmel's feeling abandoned by her, but voicing it, and gonna try to talk to her about it. She's also fine with us just having MC on and off when we need it.

My work is good, both the job and creative, and so is hers--she's taking on an extra day and if she can handle it, she's working 4 days a week and is about ready to start working a full time job and get off the SSI, which will be an incredible victory. She's still adjusting to getting off the gabapentin, says she's been thinking about suicide in a not-planning way lately, which is crappy but part of what she still has to deal with until she's got better control over her emotions. It's amazing how well she's functioning, how loving she usually is, considering she's having these feelings. It's amazing, watching her change--it's like lately she's become this new grown-up person, like she's coming out of the cocoon she's been in the last few years, and just blooming. And still having anger issues and suicidal thoughts.

We're still, both of us, really moody, and trying to work together to deal with our feelings and reactions, and it can be really difficult. I mean, last week, I can't tell you how good life felt--like we're really getting to the happy life we deserve and the healthy relationship we've been working so hard for, and then our beloved she-cat got this furkin infection in her paw, and the stress of that has been causing us both to be a little acty-outy and that hasn't been so fabulous.

For animal lovers only... we think one of her front nails split and she got litter stuck up in it and couldn't get it out and we didn't notice until it was already infected--Carmel noticed it in fact--yucky looking paw. So we went to the vet and they gave us clavamox for the infection, told us to put neosporin on it, try to soak it and squeeze the puss out of it. Sure--squeeze the puss out of the cat that particularly hates being held down--Carmel was actually able to do it this morning--so gross and so brave of her--almost got bit! It's just so stressful, wishing we could make it all better but knowing we have to let the antibiotic work and having the confidence that it will do so before the infection moves to her bone and she has to get her first knuckle taken off! Grrrrr. All the soothing kitty vibes you can send are appreciated.

But that's the way life is. Things are going well and something crappy happens and you deal with it then things are good and then it happens again. Goal is to not let it throw you. Working on that...


Peacebaby

[peacebaby]

So I figured I haven't given an update in a while, so here it is! Short version: life has its ups and downs but in general things are really very good.

Long version... I've had my first two sessions with my new therapist, and I like her. She's smart and she remembers things and she seems like she's gonna help me stay really focused on the stuff I have to work on. The stuff I have to work on is making me kinda nuts on and off, but I'm feeling really good about it. Enforced a boundary with a difficult friend/coworker the other day and feel really good about that. I've decided to stop going to MC with Carmel my SO every week--I've got my own therapist now, and the MC really isn't getting me or doing the MC with any skill at all. It's actually a real problem, as she's the T Carmel's come to feel really connected to after like 5 years or something, but this woman is starting down the road to that old age forgetfulness that's not dementia but not good for your therapist to have, esp when you've got BPD. So Carmel's feeling abandoned by her, but voicing it, and gonna try to talk to her about it. She's also fine with us just having MC on and off when we need it.

My work is good, both the job and creative, and so is hers--she's taking on an extra day and if she can handle it, she's working 4 days a week and is about ready to start working a full time job and get off the SSI, which will be an incredible victory. She's still adjusting to getting off the gabapentin, says she's been thinking about suicide in a not-planning way lately, which is crappy but part of what she still has to deal with until she's got better control over her emotions. It's amazing how well she's functioning, how loving she usually is, considering she's having these feelings. It's amazing, watching her change--it's like lately she's become this new grown-up person, like she's coming out of the cocoon she's been in the last few years, and just blooming. And still having anger issues and suicidal thoughts.

We're still, both of us, really moody, and trying to work together to deal with our feelings and reactions, and it can be really difficult. I mean, last week, I can't tell you how good life felt--like we're really getting to the happy life we deserve and the healthy relationship we've been working so hard for, and then our beloved she-cat got this furkin infection in her paw, and the stress of that has been causing us both to be a little acty-outy and that hasn't been so fabulous.

For animal lovers only... we think one of her front nails split and she got litter stuck up in it and couldn't get it out and we didn't notice until it was already infected--Carmel noticed it in fact--yucky looking paw. So we went to the vet and they gave us clavamox for the infection, told us to put neosporin on it, try to soak it and squeeze the puss out of it. Sure--squeeze the puss out of the cat that particularly hates being held down--Carmel was actually able to do it this morning--so gross and so brave of her--almost got bit! It's just so stressful, wishing we could make it all better but knowing we have to let the antibiotic work and having the confidence that it will do so before the infection moves to her bone and she has to get her first knuckle taken off! Grrrrr. All the soothing kitty vibes you can send are appreciated.

But that's the way life is. Things are going well and something crappy happens and you deal with it then things are good and then it happens again. Goal is to not let it throw you. Working on that...


Peacebaby

[Steph]

 Thanks for the update! I am so happy for you both! I am really delighted!

Good call on your own T and I am happy its working for you. A shame about Cs T, tho..whats that about?

 Re the paw? Hows it looking now? Clavamox is a great abx and should kick the infection out of there. I wonder if kitty would appreciate a warm heating pad...the kind that lets you use warm moisture with it, that her lil paw could just lay on while shes basking in the warmth? Could that work?

Ive dealt with alot of abcess stuff over the years and..well..it can get gross!

   Hang in there!

[dados76]

glad to hear life is good.. and that youve got to see your T a few times.. i know youve been working at that for a while now..

also real good to hear about how good carmel is doing.. it must be hard.. to be functioning.. and still have craziness going on in her head.. how is she doing w/being on less meds? other than adjusting.. w/some thoughts coming in.. she was feeling physically sick too.. is that end getting better?

[peacebaby]

Hey Dados! Yeah, she hasn't been getting sick in the AM more than once a week, which is nice, so I think things are evening out. It's feels like the gabapentin was taking care of some part of her craziness for her, and then her body was dealing with it through the throwing up in the morning, and now she's feeling it in the casual suicidal ideation--at this point, figuring out a way to deal with whatever it is in therapy is the only thing left!

Thanks Steph, the heating pad is a good idea. I think it's healing--Carmel's cleaned it some more and it the swelling has gone down. Still doesn't look attractive by any means. We're supposed to do what we're doing for 2o days and then they'll look at it again--does that sound right? How long does it usually take clavamox to show real improvement?

Peacebaby

[dados76]

It's feels like the gabapentin was taking care of some part of her craziness for her, and then her body was dealing with it through the throwing up in the morning, and now she's feeling it in the casual suicidal ideation--at this point, figuring out a way to deal with whatever it is in therapy is the only thing left!

i think.. if she can be talking about it.. thats a good start.. so its not hidden.. out in the open seems better.. lately R is.. outwardly more kinda crazy.. but says he feels better inside.. than usual.. so.. ill take it   maybe for carmel its kinda the same.. the drug was blocking something.. now its back.. but maybe she can deal with it more up front now..

[peacebaby]

he drug was blocking something.. now its back.. but maybe she can deal with it more up front now..

Exactly. She took the drugs to help handle the things she couldn't handle, now she has tools, so she's weaning herself off them, but it means she's really gotta deal with the stuff she's gotta deal with. I'm figuring she can handle it.

Peacebaby

[JDoe]

Dear Peacebaby,
  Sending up prayers for your kitty's icky paw!  I think 3-4 days of the antibiotic and you should see less swelling/pus/pain.  I've had to wrap kitties in a towel with just their head and paw sticking out in order to treat the paw.  They don't like it, but they don't like hurting either.  Hey, that sounds like BPD DH!
  Glad things are going well for you and Carmel, although her T sounds a bit shakey.
   to you and Kitty!
JDoe

[peacebaby]

Thanks J. Doe!

It's been a week of antibiotics now and I *think* it's getting better... supposed to do three weeks of it! Carmel's the brave one, willing to take the hate for wrapping the cat in a towel, however, she's only squeezed the puss out twice in the week and already the cat runs and hides under the bed whenever she stands up! So Carmel = pain to the cat right now, which Carmel's taking okay, just don't know if she'll be able to get near her again! And even with me, the cat is prepared to use her *back claws* to protect herself! Woe to the other cat if he does not stay away. Sometimes having cats is no day at the beach--like we transfer our stress to them and then they transfer it back to us...

although her T sounds a bit shakey.

Yeah, thank god she's got the other T at the program!

Peacebaby

[ifsogirl26]

Just keep giving the antibiotics even if it looks better. Cats can be so tricky. They hate getting meds and start to associate you with pain/meds after a very short while.
I used to be a vet tech and some of the meanest cats were diabetic cause they got insulin every day!

My older dog who already had one knee surgery started limping last night. I have a good idea that it is the same thing on the other knee! Its expensive. The last surgery cost 2 grand. We just dont have that right now so I am planning on asking donations from friends and family to help pay for the surgery. He is such a sweetie. We will definalty do the surgery. I cringed last night seeing him walk. Its his anterior cruciate liagment. Then I gave him an aspirin this morning and he feels better. Silly dog. He is so stoic I knew he was in pain when he didn't get up to greet me when I got home from work.

We do what needs to be done. At least this is fixable.
We had a cat that suddenly got sick and we tried all sorts of things but he just crashed and we couldn't figure why. So sad and feels like you throw so much money to find no answers.

[peacebaby]

Hey Ifsogirl! Oh, we will keep giving the antibiotics--worry not. The fact that it's looking a bit better doesn't mean it's looking good, and one learns in life that one should always finish the medication as prescribed, human or cat. And the antibiotics aren't too much of a problem--it's a liquid and is working best when we "accidentally spill it" on her fur so she'll immediately and fully lick it off. It's the trying to handle the infected paws that's the problem.

Sorry your dog is having problems! Do you guys have pet insurance? I know it sounds silly, but it's really worked well for us. We pay $70 combined for both cats every month, and every vet bill we've submitted, we've gotten at least half the money back.

We just tend to over-worry this stuff, me and Carmel. Our first year together, we had three cats and two of them died of cancer so we tend to always be afraid the cats are dying, even when it's a urinary tract infection. We just keep reminding ourselves that it's not fatal. Probably.

Peacebaby

[dados76]

that must be scary for both of you.. anytime a pet gets sick.. i would worry abt that too.. but this cat is lucky to have both you guys babying it.. even if it dont like it right now

[peacebaby]

Hey Dados! We're trying to be chill. Took Steph's advice and the cat is sleeping on a wet-heat heating pad, in Carmel's spot--luckily Carmel is at work.

I'm just having faith that the clavamox is going to work--she still won't let us clean the paw, but I can get antibiotic on it every so often. This morning she instigated a play fight with the other cat for the first time in days, so I'm considering that a very good sign--since she's been unwell, they haven't been hassling each other at all, he's just sniffed her a lot, so it has to mean she's on the mend. Fingers crossed!

And yeah Carmel's doing great, especially considering she says she still hasn't forgiven the beloved cat who died 6 years ago for abandoning her! She's got an instinct with animals. Kids too. Just knows how to take care of them. Kind of amazing, really, how patient and wise she is when it comes to screaming babies and sick cats.

Peacebaby