This is the second of a series of post. I have almost completed writing my diary of my SO. It helps me to break down some impasse in my head and hopefully I'll grow wiser and handle it better. HOPE!
She had many past relationships and many one nightstands. Of her past exclusive relationships, some cheated on her, one was an alcoholic and a gambler who borrowed from loan sharks and got her implicated. According to her, she walked out on all of them. Her favourite phrase is, âOut of sight, out of mindâ. She had nothing good to say about them. She does not believe in being friends with ex-partners and expects me to do the same. But now, she compares me with all of them and only their good points. She also said I am the worse among all of them.
She also exhibits an inability to tolerate differences and judge people when they are different from her. She is racist. She hates mainland Chinese and Indians. She would bark at me to do something to my hair because my fringe was beginning to make me look like a âmainland Chineseâ.
She is also unable to take responsibility for her actions or listen to any reasoning that would help her better understand certain situations and find the right solution. Her son was born in another country and she brought him back to our country when he was three years old. He has lived here for 24 years and has done his compulsory time in the army. By right, it should not have been a problem for him to gain citizenship of his adopted country. He has permanent residency since he was five. According to her, she went through hell trying to get him citizenship but was denied. She had gone on a talk show to air this matter but the talk show was eventually cancelled for good. After taking up the issue with a senior government officer, her son was granted permanent residency. She said she was told by the immigration officer then that his permanent residency is indefinite. For this matter, she feels short-changed by the government, never mind the fact that many women in the same situation then encountered the same treatment because the immigration policy then was such. This made her hate everything about the government, despite the fact that she and her sonâs family have been using social benefits. She hit the roof when she found out that her sonâs permanent residency had to be renewed and he is in danger of being deported. By this time, at age 27 going 28, her son had dropped out of school, been sent to boysâ home, gone AWOL from the army, done jail time for break-in, married with a son and has no stable employment. He does not pay any taxes. On top of that, he is staying in a heavily subsidised government rental apartment, is not required to pay a cent for his 7-year old sonâs medical fees incurred at government clinics, receiving free textbooks and uniforms for his school. The long and short is, the country is supporting his son for him. He does not want to work beyond certain number of hours because he wants to remain in the income bracket where his family remains entitled to social benefits. There are many other things which he does not do as a responsible adult but the above examples alone are sufficient explanation why his application for citizenship is not going to be smooth-sailing. Still she blames the government. And when I suggested that the most constructive solution is for him to get full-time employment and prove that he can provide for himself and his family. She accused me of taking sides with the government because I take on their projects,
When I help her out financially, she would be so grateful. When she asked me for loans and I gave it to her, she would say things that âBless you. Iâll pay you back monthly with interest when I start work. Iâll write you an IOU.â I told her that interest and IOU would not be necessary. She kept the loan records and I did not. Recently, I helped her seek legal help in getting her sister to give her part of the proceeds from the sale of the house they co-owned. She was so stressed by her equally dysfunctional sisterâs attacks that she almost wanted to give it up. I gave her my word that I will bear her legal fees if she loses. She said if she receives the proceeds, she would repay what she owed me. Throughout the process there were many times she almost wanted to give up but I encouraged her by telling her that she could use the money to make her feel less indebted to others. When she finally received payment, she said she wanted to repay me 50% of the loan. I said OK. When I found out that her son has started to ask her for money for tattoos and bought a new TV through hire purchase, I reminded her that good financial management means she should repay all her debts and bills and set aside money for groceries. She replied, âSo you want to be paid in full.â That was not what I was getting at. I was trying to make her realise that she should not have to go through all the legal trouble only to find herself back at square one. But she insisted that it was what I want and wrote me a cheque. She was very calm when she handed the cheque to me. When she started fighting with me again and I told her the stress I carried for her when applying legal procedures on her sister, she said that I did it because I wanted my money back.
I also notice that her negativity rises past 12am.