Extinction Burst... the buttons aren't working

[Think About It...]

Will you consider allowing natural consequences happen? If she hits you or pulls your hair it may be best to report her and call 911? (although I would caution that she could falsely accuse you so take steps to protect yourself)

If she attacked a stranger she would have to deal with assult charges. Why should it be different with you? Right now she got away with violence, I am sure your son was in the house? At some point you will need to consider that.

[ifsogirl26]

Will you consider allowing natural consequences happen? If she hits you or pulls your hair it may be best to report her and call 911? (although I would caution that she could falsely accuse you so take steps to protect yourself)

If she attacked a stranger she would have to deal with assult charges. Why should it be different with you? Right now she got away with violence, I am sure your son was in the house? At some point you will need to consider that.

[DragoN]

Well I hope it doesn't get much worse, cause today was pretty bad.

...unfortunately...it can.
BUT...no worries...another 24-48 hours away is good for the soul. Both in fact.

If she doesn't pull the same stunt again I will be surprised...who knows? If she does...you know what to do...and DO it much sooner. Best not stick around for it...that 0.01% chance of her getting ' normal'...*meh* ...be gone. It really has worked wonders around here.

Ditto for the verbal abuse..,..it's quite the rarity now. Also...the accusations of cheating...been a long time..and it was once a 48 hours cycle of garbage.

Boundaries work.    Or they did for me at any rate...I was kind of a real B*atch about them though.  

Will you consider allowing natural consequences happen? If she hits you or pulls your hair it may be best to report her and call 911? (although I would caution that she could falsely accuse you so take steps to protect yourself)

If she attacked a stranger she would have to deal with assult charges. Why should it be different with you? Right now she got away with violence, I am sure your son was in the house? At some point you will need to consider that.

Strongly agree...a mini recorder for when she goes off...just in case. Tell her you are recording her. Then it's legal...even if she chooses not to agree doesn't matter...you may not be able to admit it in court...but if the cops hear it ...cover your bases.

[Scorpion]

Yeah I've thought about the recording cause I know if I call the police and they come she will cry abuse. something that's worried me for some time.

I think she really thinks that I am abusing her, what a funny disease this is.

I have put my phone on record before, just so that she could hear herself. That definitely brought out the beast, now she thinks I'm constantly recording her to use it against her. I'm pretty sure if she knew I was recording her my phone would be in a million pieces, however I do need to do something to protect myself. Last thing I need is a night in jail and lose my job.

[DragoN]

That definitely brought out the beast, now she thinks I'm constantly recording her to use it against her.

Funny isn't it...evidence she can't deny. *OH* 

 

Hilarious...I have killed my self laughing at the sheer lunacy of the cognitive dissonance that surrounds the lies to themselves...because...even they can't do it after a point...then Implosion.

*meh*
Not my problem.

My H no longer emails me anymore...Time and Date stamps with his own words copied back to him...*oops*...how did that happen? 

she knows...

[ifsogirl26]

Talk to the police about how to protect yourself now. Let them know that she is mentally ill and you want to protect you and your child from abuse and false accusations. See what they recommend and what you can legally do. Maybe if they have it on record that you talked to them about this that could serve to protect you in case she takes that route.

[Scorpion]

I think that might be sound advice. Maybe I'll talk to a family friend who's a criminal lawyer and find out what the best course of action is... never hurts to be prepared.

I'm going to try and have my phone beside me when I go back ready to go just in case. Cause I know who's side the police will take if I don't prepare myself and the worst does happen... big bad abusive man.

Wow this is so tough. I know this is going to take a lot of strength to see through.   to all of you for the help!

[DragoN]

... never hurts to be prepared.

Do this first...then go back. Ok?

[Scorpion]

Sounds like good advice to me   Thanks Dragon

[DragoN]

Learned it the hard way... ;p

I aim not to make the same mistakes...over and over and ...you get the idea.  

Boundaries are a lot of work. Why not make it a bit easier on yourself if you can? It's really worth it over the long haul.  x

As a man, your bind is far worse...I had/ have latitude when my H psychos...I can and do / did...fight back. Not so much anymore...I tend to GO before it gets to that point. Also...I am refining my validation skills...as they are pretty BLegh...but they are helpful..to a point. After that, Boundaries. Nothing works better than that.

She either gets with the program or she deselects herself from your life.

[Scorpion]

Reading about canadian law in regards to domestic violence and the lack of investigation of false allegations is terrifying.

I'm thinking if the "pretend" calls to the police don't stop I'm out, before the "pretend" becomes very very real

[DragoN]

I'm thinking if the "pretend" calls to the police don't stop I'm out, before the "pretend" becomes very very real

Might want to march yourself down to the police station and give them a heads up and expect that you may be doubted...not fun.  ;p

Lay it on the line. Back it up with whatever evidence you have including your parents if necessary.

It sucks,...but being charged with DV...would suck worse. Boundaries aren't fun, they aren't easy and they are necessary. You are protecting your child and your livelihood here. Don't be playing Russian Roulette with a confirmed nut bar. Won't turn out in your favor, you can put money on it.

Too many men on this board have been caught in that exact crossfire...it's bad. Really bad.

Forewarned is forearmed....and if you don't take pre emptive actions...you will kick yourself for it later.

Read Matt's story...you can find him easily and trace back. 

[Scorpion]

Yeah, seems to be quite the double standard that men can't be abused by women... try being where I was Monday morning and tell me that's not abuse.

[T2H]

D'oh!

Strength, eh.

(fellow canuck)

[DragoN]

try being where I was Monday morning and tell me that's not abuse.

That was abuse...and she's daft to even go there.

Were I there and I saw her doing that to you...she'd be peeling herself off the wall. 

Some things...you just don't do and expect to get away with it.
And...sometimes  I do the wrong thing for the right reasons..and still land in the cow pattie ...*oh well* It washes off. 
Legally you are stuck playing by the rules...even when sometimes the rules are D'oh!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsgVspgy184

[Nutts45]

Have ya'll talked about your boundaries. 

Fat Mike this is probably the most important boundary for you..

No raging...leads to violence.

What are the consequence to violence?  You leaving one night.

Personally if you are going to continue, I would suggest staying at your moms until boundaries can be discussed during a T session and they are agreed upon.

This also gives you backing on her admitting physical violence. 

[DragoN]

No raging...leads to violence.

Ditto that.

Same boundary regarding Verbal abuse...don't stick around for it.

[Scorpion]

So today went pretty good, not perfect but hey I would never expect that 

We met at Starbucks after I took our boy to his Dr. Appt. I thought a public place to test the waters face to face would be a good idea. It worked we had a coffee, hung out and it was alright. While we were there she showed me her laptop and it was open to a "BPD and PMS" website and the link between them. I guess I could understand how they would affect each other, but still does not excuse her behaviour, I know it was her subtle way of saying "This is probably why I went mental yesterday" No dice, not acceptable.

Got home, and she made me dinner and was trying to be nice. I was kind of indifferent towards her and just relaxed and watched TV before work. So after we ate I sat her down and told her how yesterdays behaviour was not going to be tolerated. I re-inforced the fact that I need my sleep and that's going to be what happens, If I can't get it at home I will find a place to get it. She got agitated, but kept her cool. She was being fairly unreasonable saying I'm trying to be her therapist  and I don't make rules

I said I'm not trying to give you rules, I'm telling you what I need to function and please respect it.

So she says to me something along the lines of "Don't tell me what you're doing it just makes me angry, just do it"

I say to her, "I thought it would be fair to give you clear expectations of what I need and to include you in the process as we are a family"

She says "Don't"

I won't.

[Fathom]

This is Great news Mike! You can't expect these things to be taken without some resistance and it seemed pretty mild. A pat on the back to you!

oh, btw, I know the PMS/BPD connection all too well!

[DragoN]

"BPD and PMS" website and the link between them. I guess I could understand how they would affect each other, but still does not excuse her behaviour, I know it was her subtle way of saying "This is probably why I went mental yesterday" No dice, not acceptable.

PMS, Drunk...whatever...No excuse for abuse.
Interesting though...she *knows*...and tries to blame it on something else.

So she says to me something along the lines of "Don't tell me what you're doing it just makes me angry, just do it"

I don't bother discussing boundaries with my H. It goes no where.

Just DO it. thank you Nike

Boundaries are really hard work at times.
Worth it though.

Radical acceptance can go along with Radical Boundaries...as far as I am concerned.

Radically Accept the Right to live your life Without Abuse and be willing to back that up with Actions.

As Actions are the only thing that our mates recognize.
"Words" = *pfft*

[T2H]

Just DO it. thank you Nike

Only one letter difference! 

Good luck FM!