Five Warning Signs Of Unhealthy Boundaries - Steve Safigan
Scarlet Phoenix:
Quote from: DreamFlyer99 on September 17, 2013, 12:55:09 PM
... .it's too bad I need to change, enabling was one of my best "skills."
lol
Quote from: DreamFlyer99 on September 17, 2013, 12:55:09 PM
I used to have the boundary that I would not talk about my husband's behaviors to others that might give someone else a negative view of him.
I thought I was "protecting" him and the way people saw our family and relationship, even though I was really uncomfortable with the drama that would go on in our family.
I was exactly the same! Then, like you, I came to realise that I am not helping him by hiding his behaviours. I don't go around telling everyone I know, but I'm not afraid to talk about it with our friends and his family who live close by. It has happened for example that he's been raging and calling me names before going to family functions. Before I would go and pretend nothing was wrong. Now I say that I don't wish to go with someone who talks to me that way and I call and give my excuses saying that dBPDbf has gone off on me and that I'm not going to come. None of them seem to hold this against me. They understand.
Quote from: Rockylove on September 28, 2013, 07:10:36 AM
I'm not sure I answered the question, but hey... .it's my choice!
He, he, good on you listening to your inner needs and wants!
Quote from: DreamFlyer99 on September 28, 2013, 08:37:22 AM
I've always struggled with self-worth issues, and have only in the past couple of years begun to accept myself and find that I actually do love myself, and that's been the result of seeing things realistically and firming up my boundaries:
Excerpt
When your boundaries are violated, you feel a whole host of negative emotions, such as anxiety, irritation, guilt and anger. You may believe that you're being taken advantage of or treated poorly; you may even begin to feel that you are worth less than other people.
I would think this would be a common result for most of us to having unhealthy boundaries, not being able to see our own worth?
I like that you've been able to firm up your boundaries and taking good care of yourself. The quote rings so true. I struggled with this, too.
Mike76:
Wow... .I am break all 5 in some way. Feeling sad... .
Scarlet Phoenix:
Quote from: Mike76 on October 04, 2013, 02:53:36 PM
Wow... .I am break all 5 in some way. Feeling sad... .
Hey Mike76, didn't mean to make you sad. I feel for you. It's shocking to see black on white how what we have learned is the right way to behave is not so healthy and "right" after all. It's a rude awakening, for sure. But also one that we need to find a better way, a healthier way to be in our lives.
Mike76:
Quote from: Scarlet Phoenix on October 04, 2013, 03:13:17 PM
Hey Mike76, didn't mean to make you sad. I feel for you. It's shocking to see black on white how what we have learned is the right way to behave is not so healthy and "right" after all. It's a rude awakening, for sure. But also one that we need to find a better way, a healthier way to be in our lives.
Trust me, you did not make me feel sad, it is more about my situation. My biggest problem is the following... .If I do anything different I normally do, set boundaries or stick to my boundaries. My my wife goes crazy, she calls it surprises, these surprises for her are one of my biggest hurdles.
Scarlet Phoenix:
Quote from: Mike76 on October 04, 2013, 05:20:26 PM
Trust me, you did not make me feel sad, it is more about my situation. My biggest problem is the following... .If I do anything different I normally do, set boundaries or stick to my boundaries. My my wife goes crazy, she calls it surprises, these surprises for her are one of my biggest hurdles.
I can understand that. I'm sure her reactions to your boundaries are pretty unpleasant to be around. Can you see that she is reacting strongly because when you try to stick to your boundary you're different than before, and less under her control?
I mean that in the nicest way, "under her control". It's just that for her it's scary, or just plain annoying maybe, so she reacts strongly to get you to quit it. But it really doesn't to you any good, either of you. She is probably not able to see that. You are.
Which boundaries have you tried to set and stick to?
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