We all know that BPD relationships are troubled and a lot of fighting happens. In that light I believe the following "general" marital article is relevant to our community:
"Is Marriage Good for Your Health?" http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html?src=me&ref=general
5 page article about marital benefits, distress and effects on immune system and heart. The first two pages are a bit slow but then a series of newer investigations and results are quoted. Just two appetizer here:
In both cases, the emotional tone of a marital fight turned out to be just as predictive of poor heart health as whether the individual smoked or had high cholesterol. It is worth noting that the couples in Smithâ€™s study were all relatively happy. These were husbands and wives who loved each other. Yet many of them had developed styles of conflict that took a physical toll on each other. The solution, Smith noted, isnâ€™t to stop fighting. Itâ€™s to fight more thoughtfully. â€śDifficulties in marriage seem to be nearly universal,â€ť he said. â€śJust try not to let fights be any nastier than they need to be.â€ť
Coan says the study simulates how a supportive marriage and partnership gives the brain the opportunity to outsource some of its most difficult neural work. â€śWhen someone holds your hand in a study or just shows that they are there for you by giving you a back rub, when youâ€™re in their presence, that becomes a cue that you donâ€™t have to regulate your negative emotion,â€ť he told me. â€śThe other person is essentially regulating your negative emotion but without your prefrontal cortex. Itâ€™s much less wear and tear on us if we have someone there to help regulate us.â€ť
Underline by me - sounds like validation is very important in this context...