Looking for opinions

[Think About It....]

Think About It.... It pays to learn to Fair Fighting Rules: * Focus on solving a problem/reaching a solution rather than venting your anger or winning a victory. Think win-win. * Deal with one issue at a time. No fair piling several complaints into one session. * Stay focused on the present. Bringing up the past isn't fair * State the problem clearly - think through what your complaint is, make sure you have all the facts. Avoid blaming the other parent. Use an "I-message" to state how you feel. When the kids come back from spending time with you they are often hungry. I am worried that they aren't getting enough to eat at your house. * Be willing to listen to what the other parent has to say. Summarize what you hear the other person saying. This is called paraphrasing or active listening. * Focus on the problem - not the person * Brainstorm solutions. Be willing to compromise. Give a little to get a little * hoose the best solution that will work for everybody - especially your kids. * Implement the solution. If it doesn't work, schedule another time to talk and pick another solution. ~ Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D.

[lets]

Hey everyone,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.

Facts:
1) Was with my exbdp/npdbf for two years, lived together for one.
2) I found out about an affair he was having (apparently for several months, I called the OW)
3) I confronted him over the phone (I was out of state for work) he denied, said he wasn't talking about it, I could believe what I wanted to believe and hung up
4) He sent a one line email wondering why I was questioning our relationship status since I was 'dragging his name through the mud'
5) in essence kicked me out of his house

Now I have been overly compassionate and am learning about my need to have better boundaries while working with my T.  I also am still in the bargaining phase I believe with grief.

Since all this happened my ex is acting like everything is normal.

Facts:
1) He txts, emails me or calls me daily, and the messages are like old times, no gushing or I love yous but very regular
2) Is finding leads for me for my business
3) Found me a new car (one he wants)
4) Recommending places for me to live
5) Inviting himself or offering to go on trips with me
6) I have seen him twice with other friends and he is overly affectionate with me
7) Invites me for coffee
8) One day he tells ppl he loves me and I kicked him the the curb, the next (to the same ppl) everything was my fault, I had it made with him if I just would have been nice.

It is so odd, it is like we were before the affair, breakup etc.  I keep waiting for him to bring up the affair or something, but in his mind I don't think it exists any longer...my T says that is to be expected...

I have gone LC, I have not spoken to him in weeks other than email and txt, not returned his calls etc...I'm trying to work on myself and my business..

Guess my question- does he think all is fine with us?

[havana]

Guess my question- does he think all is fine with us?

He thinks all is fine with him. He didn't do anything wrong & you're the bad seed. He is just so generous that you will eventually see things as he thinks they are. better make that NC.

[lets]

thanks Havana!!!

Now he is telling those same people I mentioned in my earlier post that we broke up a year ago and have been just friends since (living together) now these ppl he is telling this to know different, he has told them different many many times - not sure what his motive is there...

[TonyC]

he beleives its just water under the bridge. your still around...he may think you have accpted responsibility for him cheating.....so to him.. life goes on

and your still trying to sort this out...

[FunBear]

He's living in a parallel universe where he is the center and everything revolves around him.