the therapist tried to call on wednesday...stupid cell phone didn't ring. said she would call again on thursday.
Family therapist session #15
the session began w/BPDd-13 asking if her dog was coming for the off campus visit...told her no...no cargo passage into vegas...too big to fit in a carrier that would fit under the seat in the cabin...she was so disappointed. the therapist explained to her why the dog has to be able to move around in the carrier because BPDd-13 wanted to put the dog into a smaller carrier that would fit under the seat. therapist asked BPDd-13 "do you accept that mom did everything she could to bring your dog?" BPDd-13 said "no". therapist told her the dog's health would be at stake, the airlines have these rules for the protection of the pets, etc...then the therapist asked her if she thought it would be a good idea to fly her dog under dangerous circumstances...BPDd-13 said "no. I just miss him so much though." the therapist said "this is like all the times your parents were trying to protect you from danger...you didn't see it that way at the time. do you see it now?" BPDd-13: "yes". BPDd-13 didn't feel like continuing the family therapist session...she was very upset...t asked her to take a moment and process all this info and clear her mind...take a deep cleansing breathe...then asked BPDd-13 if she could continue now...BPDd-13 said "yes...i'm ok now".
BPDd-13 told us she has been tracking her anger, bad dreams, and hallucinations for the past 3 days...at the request of her t...to see if the abilify increase is helping and for the therapist to get a better idea of the issues..
BPDd-13 said that she is still hearing the voices...but less in the past few days...she didn't have a bad dream last nite..but did the nite before, and that she is still having anger issues. therapist asked her to create a time line to on her hallucinations. this is what BPDd-13 had written and read to us:
5 yrs. old.. say a man like in a thermal vision of purple and blue in the hall outside my bedroom.
7 yrs. old..started having blurrs in my vision.
12 yr. old..started seeing brown/black flashes out of the corners of my eye
heard voices whispering my name and saying "do it". also say
stuff I couldn't understand.
13 yr. old..voices are louder. heard a scream while I listen to music, miss
hearing words. having terrible dreams..woke up and saw the
back of a man's foot go into the closet.
i asked BPDd-13 if she remembers coming home from church camp at age 11 and telling me she thought our house was haunted...she did remember and said that "i don't think it is haunted..i think it is negative energy there". husband told her that we can proclaim God's word and cleanse the house of any negative energy from the past when she comes for a home visit. the therapist interjected here that it is true and is in the scriptures and also that BPDd-13 has a look of fear at this time. therapist asked BPDd-13 what else she could do to help...BPDd-13 said "create positive energy, pray w/my family so that I will feel safer. I don't want to go home and be angry".
i told my BPD13 about her grammy also hearing voices...since her late teens/early 20s and that she decided it was the Holy Spirit calling her and it happens rarely...and she is not afraid...i asked how that makes her feel to know that? she replied "it feels good to know that someone else can understand what I am going through".
i asked BPDd-13 why are you feeling angry lately? she replied "i just get this rush of feelings and I can't control it...when I try to control it the feelings build up and then eventually it goes away. I feel this when people are rude, won't listen to me, won't make good decisions or when someone says something I don't want to hear". therapist said "you are referring to your peers here right?" BPDd-13 : yes...i want to see them get better and at the same time I don't want them to get better because then they will go home and I will miss them. I told her "yes I can understand why you would be frustrated with them and the situation. however, everyone there has the same goal...to go home better and be happier. it sounds like you are conflicted." BPDd-13 asked "what does that mean?" therapist told her you have 2 desires that are opposing each other in this situation. I pointed out to BPDd-13 that she is seeing both sides of the same coin...that she is doing a good job of thinking instead of reacting and I was proud of her accomplishment.
BPDd-13 also said she has the goal of going into "trans" by month 6. once more BPDd-13 talks about the conflict of going into trans to get closer to coming home and not wanting to be in trans because it means she is closer to leaving her friends there...so we talk once more about her seeing both sides of a situation...cross application from how she feels to the idea that most of the other girls feel the same way. we discuss how valuable cross application is...like in equine therapy...taking what she learns about relationship w/her horse and applying it to her human relationships. therapist points out that she is using her "Wise Mind" and has taken the blinders off that she came to falcon ridge with.
we ended the session by talking about the difference between control and empowerment...t asked her to explain the difference...BPDd-13 said..one you can never do ... the other is always an option.
about 2 hours after our session the therapist called me privately. wanted to let me know that the pdoc was set on increasing the abilify...said she too was frustrated w/him for not explaining the reasoning of his decision...that when BPDd-13 had come into the room and spoke w/them...she talked about the voices in a way that was different than she had presented to her t...that she had a terrifying dream a few nights ago (didn't get permission from my BPDd-13 to share the content of the dream) woke up and that is when she say the man's foot going into the closet which means the visual hallucinations are back again. (this is with the increase in the abilify ). therapist said that she has been looking hard at other disorders to see if she can get an idea on how to best coach BPDd-13 through these psychotic issues...hasn't come to a conclusion yet.
informed therapist that we will not be able to have BPDd-13 participate in neurotherapy due to the extra cost...perhaps when she gets home we will have some extra $ for that...t also really wants us to take BPDd-13 to get a spect scan...we will have to see on that...it is over $3000...told therapist that most likely we will only be able to keep BPDd-13 there until feb. 1...8 months also due to $.