Could it be that if d15 leaves me first..equals less pain

[Think About It...]

  The ex emailed me and informed me that the nurses and doctors all told him that our daughter had a UTI for over a year. I told him that is impossible. Our daughter never a a UTI while she was in my care for almost 15 years. Ex said he believed this doctors because they are professionals and I ask him how do they know she had a UTI when our daughter was in my care. How can you diagnose a UTI without seeing the patient and doing tests on them? Ex replied that our daughter told the nurses and doctors that she had a "pain in her side" and by that they determind that she had a UTI for over a year. Sounds like BS to me. The only time she had a UTI was when she was in his care in August of this year. Because she had a UTI while living with him, he had to blame it on me. Why does it have to be someones fault? She got a UTI. Girls get them. But ex had to go out and blame me even though she wasn't in my home for a total of 95 days.

     Unfortunately peaceplease, my daughter will not beable to come back in my home. She has made some "Horrible" accusations against my husband and I and I can't take any chances of her coming back and making more false accusations. I will not lose my children because she sees me as the "evil" one. I can be the "good" one today but what happens when she doesn't get what she wants tomorrow? I will then be the "Evil" one and she will try and get rid of me. I can't do that to my other children. They need me.

    The court order "Provider" is a liscense psycologist and family advocate. I think he sees these cases more and more these days. Ex and I  were in the room wth him for a total of 90 minutes. The provider asked both ex and I if our daughter had a relationship with both of us and our families "before" all this happened.
I of course said "yes" she lived with me for almost 15 years and she saw my family on a regular basis. Then it was the ex's turn to answer the question and he said "Yes" that she had a relationship with both families. I could not believe what I just heard. HE LIED TO THE PROVIDER. I raised my hand like a "Little school girl" and said "NO, what he just said was not true". The thing is, the provider already knew the answer. The Provider yelled at my ex and told him if he "Lied" to him again to get out of his office. The provider wasn't going to tolerate any games. He told my ex what he already thought of him, and he was dead on. As for what he thought of me, I don't know. I was my self and that is all I can do at this point. He did tell me that things are going to get better. 

     Misfit101, I agree with you when it comes to the younger kids wanting to communicate with their sister. Right now it is just like you said with your d and s. She talks to them every other month and it is, "how are you? how is school?" nothing to complicated as of now. I will talk to my H and let him know that I will continue supervision all calls and that if the calls start to go in a direction that I think is unappropriate, we will stop the calls. I am sure he will be ok with that. He is just so hurt by what she is doing. He has always looked at her as his own. It breaks my heart to see what she is doing to him and knowing everything he has done for her. 

Thanks for all the support!

[agalmom]

  The ex emailed me and informed me that the nurses and doctors all told him that our daughter had a UTI for over a year. I told him that is impossible. Our daughter never a a UTI while she was in my care for almost 15 years. Ex said he believed this doctors because they are professionals and I ask him how do they know she had a UTI when our daughter was in my care. How can you diagnose a UTI without seeing the patient and doing tests on them? Ex replied that our daughter told the nurses and doctors that she had a "pain in her side" and by that they determind that she had a UTI for over a year. Sounds like BS to me. The only time she had a UTI was when she was in his care in August of this year. Because she had a UTI while living with him, he had to blame it on me. Why does it have to be someones fault? She got a UTI. Girls get them. But ex had to go out and blame me even though she wasn't in my home for a total of 95 days.

     Unfortunately peaceplease, my daughter will not beable to come back in my home. She has made some "Horrible" accusations against my husband and I and I can't take any chances of her coming back and making more false accusations. I will not lose my children because she sees me as the "evil" one. I can be the "good" one today but what happens when she doesn't get what she wants tomorrow? I will then be the "Evil" one and she will try and get rid of me. I can't do that to my other children. They need me.

    The court order "Provider" is a liscense psycologist and family advocate. I think he sees these cases more and more these days. Ex and I  were in the room wth him for a total of 90 minutes. The provider asked both ex and I if our daughter had a relationship with both of us and our families "before" all this happened.
I of course said "yes" she lived with me for almost 15 years and she saw my family on a regular basis. Then it was the ex's turn to answer the question and he said "Yes" that she had a relationship with both families. I could not believe what I just heard. HE LIED TO THE PROVIDER. I raised my hand like a "Little school girl" and said "NO, what he just said was not true". The thing is, the provider already knew the answer. The Provider yelled at my ex and told him if he "Lied" to him again to get out of his office. The provider wasn't going to tolerate any games. He told my ex what he already thought of him, and he was dead on. As for what he thought of me, I don't know. I was my self and that is all I can do at this point. He did tell me that things are going to get better. 

     Misfit101, I agree with you when it comes to the younger kids wanting to communicate with their sister. Right now it is just like you said with your d and s. She talks to them every other month and it is, "how are you? how is school?" nothing to complicated as of now. I will talk to my H and let him know that I will continue supervision all calls and that if the calls start to go in a direction that I think is unappropriate, we will stop the calls. I am sure he will be ok with that. He is just so hurt by what she is doing. He has always looked at her as his own. It breaks my heart to see what she is doing to him and knowing everything he has done for her. 

Thanks for all the support!

[tired_mom]

Hi agalmom,
 Welcome to the boards, sorry to hear you are going through so much right now. This place is a wealth of understanding.
Something caught my eye when reading your post:

   Still waiting on the medical records from the Mental Facility she was admitted to in early August. Ex said she saw a Psycologist, lets see if he was truthful. That would be a miracle. I doubt it though. Ex never told me anything other than he got to see our daughter and that she was glad to be home. Oh, and she was diagnose with Hyperthyrodism.  ?

 Hyperthyroidismred-flag  You really need to find out if your daughter was diagnosed with this - is she being treated for it? My D has had off and on thyriod fluctuation, in fact  was diagnosed with it when she was 12, but then it was reversed. Because my family has a history of thyroid problems (and mental illness) at a later age, they continue to check her thyroid levels yearly. Its not all that common in adolescents, but when it is - more girls than boys and peak incidence in children aged 10-15 years. It can play havoc on mental state and add to BP, BPD and NPD. Thyroid disease (both Hyper or Hypo) at this age interfere with all sorts of puberty, depression, irrationality etc. Something to get checked out as you said everything was fine up until recently when your daughter was living with you. One of my D's therapist's who also works in the ER at a hospital mentioned that they check TSH levels on incoming patients who are there for mental illness reasons, just to rule it out before further diagnosis and treatment. Many places do not.

it may be nothing, but... need to rule it out or verify if she has it.

all the best
tired_mom

[agalmom]

     I agree Peaceplease! My ex emailed me and told me that all the doctors and nurses told him that my daughter had a uti for over a year. I emailed him back and said "How can a doctor diagnose a patient without seeing them and not only that she had no symtoms other than a off and on stomach ache (pain). I know what a UTI is and the symtoms. I did get my daughters medical records from the hospital she was admitted to by my ex and it did say she had a UTI.? Ok, well she was not in my care for 95 days. I know that if my daughter did have a UTI for the year they are claiming, she would probably be "DEAD" or very sick with Kidney problems. But, again, I know NOTHING and the ex knows EVERYTHING.    I really don't know whats worse, dealing with ex or coming to terms that my daughter hates me. They are "two peas in a pod" right now. Right now I can't stand neither onw of them. Sorry! but that is how I feel. My daughter is being so mean and I don't know if I can take anymore of it. She has not been diagnose yet with BPD, and I don't think daughter's dad will help in anyway to get her diagnose. My only chance to get the help she needs is to get in Order by the Family Court.

     Misfit, Ex claims the doctors and nurses told him.  ? As for the contact of her siblings. I do agree with you, but I also see husband's point and fears. All we want to do is protect them from any lies and from getting hurt.  Daughter too only calls or emails to ask how school is going and how they are. I think about how mean she was to them that last week my  daughter was in our home.  She was so mean to them. I had to get in her face and tell her that if she is angry at me then "OK" but don't you even take it out on your sister and brother. They have nothing to do with this. Did she listen? NO.
Do I want them talking to her? No Do I want them to hate their sister? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

   

[americanbelle]

I ask God what is my lesson in all this? What am I suppose to learn from all this?

to learn on Him?  to trust Him? to develop a heart at peace and filled w/compassion? etc...?

He trusted you with His precious child you call your daughter because He believes in you.

Might I add patience and strength.