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Think About It.... It is very important to talk to children about anger, about what they see in the world, and to evaluate the effects of the behavior they observe. Otherwise, their observations become the lesson itself.~ Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D., LCSW, Ultimate Guide to Transforming Anger
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Author Topic: He's gearing up for a huge fight again  (Read 323 times)
Untouched
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« on: November 28, 2010, 10:20:15 AM »

I had d8 Thanksgiving day until around 3 when I dropped her off with uBPDex's parents so I could go shopping that night.  I've been dating a wonderful man for several months now and had spent the day with new guy and his family...ex knows this.  I had just pulled out of my drive to head out to the stores when ex called and accused me of telling d8 that new guy is going to be her new daddy.  I told him I didn't have time for this nonsense and he put d8 on the phone and she said his mother told her that.  I explained to her that she has only one mommy and daddy and she said she knew that already.   lol (Come to find out, his mother did say that and said she was only joking)

So he left me alone the rest of that night.  Last night, after picking d8, he calls again and I let it go to VM.  Once again, he's spewing his nonsense...accusing my s16 of telling d8 that her mommy and daddy won't get back together.  He goes on to say that he's been nothing but good to my s16 (excuse me?) and he's allowed s16 to volunteer at a local haunted house event that ex has been volunteering at for many years, and when s16 was volunteering at a local fish fry and ex, his family, and d8 were there - they invited s16 to come eat with them on his break.  He also said that he can't help it if s16's dad doesn't love him, but he won't let anyone ruin his r/s with d8. 
I texted him and told him he needs to worry more about his own family trying to ruin his r/s and leave my children alone.  He didn't say anything else after that...but I expect to hear more today eventually. 

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david
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« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2010, 10:55:15 AM »

I only communicate via email to eliminate fights. My T explained negative engagement is still engagement. I only answer emails that pertain to the kids. If BPDw tries to bait me I usually turn it around by asking what she thinks will solve the problem. She usually doesn't respond since she has nothing to offer because that is not the real problem.
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Derrah
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« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2010, 08:00:33 PM »

Like David just mentioned, I also only communicate via email with regard to the kids (D16, S13). It really does make sanity more possible - it certainly limits the toxicity of my STBx (uBPD/npd) husband. I have gotten to the point where I limit the number of times I check the email account too. Also, if he sends me an email late at night (when I am more vulnerable to entering the "dance" with him as my T likes to call it), I make it a point of not responding until the next day when I am more rested and can get some perspective. Sometimes this means running my response by trusted friends or my sponsor first. It is a lot of extra steps to take, but to me is worth it.
Best wishes to you! x

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?

The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

Derrah
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« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2010, 08:04:13 PM »

One more thing...

Here is a link to an article on high conflict parenting. It has been really helpful for me. Hopefully it will provide some good information for you too!

www.BPDfamily.com/pdfs/stacer.pdf

-Derrah
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