Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 01, 2016, 08:46:57 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Moderators: lbjnltx, livednlearned, once removed, Turkish
Member support team: C.Stein, fromheeltoheal, Meili , VitaminC, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
Think About It... Some members think of "triangulation" as a dysfunctional behavior perpetrated on them by a person with BPD. And why not - this is how we often see triangles when we are in them and the '"odd man out"! However, seeing it this way is exactly the opposite of what we want to do to end the drama.. ~ Skippy
111
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How do you figure out what is normal?  (Read 882 times)
Mike76
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 289


« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2012, 09:33:29 AM »

My FOG is deep right now... I have done some reading but I am struggling to get out of it.  I will just keep trying.

So I do not need to open a new thread I am really struggling with forgiveness.

Without getting into the particular my uBPDw, she has really been giving me a hard time about a issue at church.  She does no like the timing I use with it( if I put it up while standing, although most of the church does what I did).  She keep telling me it is not about everyone else, and if I do not abide by her I am a failure as husband, and horrible person.   She has raged at me many times over this issue, on the way home in the car.  Using some of the tools I have learned from these boards I guess I may have finally communicated to her that she can not talk to me this way about this issue.  That I will not accept and this can not happen.  I say this because she apologized to me the other day and said "I should not have said those those about this issue, I placed unfair expectations on you".  I was hard for me to take in, because she has never really apologized for  anything and I realize she can back track tomorrow, next week, or next month.  How do you accept an apology with congratulation or to much validation?

Logged
jessicapuppy
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1118



WWW
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2012, 03:36:17 PM »

I'd have thought just a 'thank you' would suffice.  I don't suppose you want to make too much of the issue, as it may have been quite hard for her to say, and she may not want to make a big deal out of it.  You could perhaps say 'Thank you, that means a lot', if you wanted to let her know it was really appreciated.

I'd be interested to hear what anyone else things is the correct response...
Logged
Mike76
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 289


« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2012, 03:47:18 PM »

Problem is I did say "Thank you"...

She seemed to want something more that... Not sure what?  She said, that is all you are going to say?

I guess I should have added that before
Logged
PLEASE DO NOT TELL MEMBERS TO STAY OR LEAVE!
This board is for evaluating the pros and cons of staying or leaving a relationship. Please focus on evaluating options.
All members should learn to use the basic relationship tools to better manage the day to day interactions
jessicapuppy
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1118



WWW
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2012, 04:15:47 PM »

Problem is I did say "Thank you"...

She seemed to want something more that... Not sure what?  She said, that is all you are going to say?

I guess I should have added that before

Okay, so seemingly she was apologising in order to be praised!  Perhaps adding '...that meant a lot' to the thank you, might have sufficed? 

Did you ask her what she was hoping you'd have said?
Logged
Mike76
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 289


« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2012, 06:29:30 PM »

she pretty much wanted praise as you suggested.

Logged
jessicapuppy
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1118



WWW
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2012, 06:36:17 PM »

she pretty much wanted praise as you suggested.

Yes, that sounds very familiar!

My ex once told me he was jealous of my dogs, because I praise them more than I do him!  I asked him if what he was saying was that he wanted to be treated like a dog, and he said yes!
Logged
Links and Information
ARTICLES
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Profile: Borderline
Profile: Narcissistic
Profile: Antisocial
Treatment of BPD
Get him/her into Therapy
Series: My Child
Series: My Parent/Sibling
Series: My Significant Other
Series: My Spouse
Series: Recovering a Breakup
Series: My Failing Romance


ARTICLES ARCHIVED
Leaving a Partner
Depression
Sexual Addiction
Healthy Relationships


FOREIGN LANGUAGE
German
BOOK REVIEWS
Endorsed Books
Other Staff Reviews
Member Reviews



TOOLS
Triggering and Wisemind
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools


VIDEO
What is BPD - Family
What is BPD - Romantic
What is BPD - Child
End the Cycle of Conflict
Don't Be Invalidating
Empathy Skills
Dialectal Dilemma (audio)

ABOUT US
Mission
History (Wikipedia)
Professional Endorsements
Policy and Disclaimers


MESSAGEBOARD
Top 50 Questions
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory



Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account



OTHER
Facebook News

Google+
Google+ (Skip)
Video Blog
Helpful External Links
Domestic Violence Crisis
Suicidal Ideation


Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Top Spacer
Choosing a path
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2016, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!