The illusion of who we are tears at us painfully; with Grace we try to move on..

[Think About It...]

In the spirit of Christmas

She received the gift of me, which was a gift she could not hold, she could not even unwrap.  My mind keeps thinking if I sneak the gift in or have better wrapping paper, then she will receive it.  She cannot she only sees a box with colorful paper, with a ribbon that scares her, because ribbons can turn to shreds.  She does not understand that there is something inside the box.  Her box is empty and she is unable to hold onto herself long enough to realize not all boxes are empty; she can only know that ribbons eventually be shreds...so rather than wait for the natural decay of the ribbon, she rips it off the box and tears it to shreds herself, because at least then she has control over it; the only problem is the box.  The unopened box is not perfect anymore without the ribbon.  So she tosses the box and moves onto the next one who seems to be her new present...but that present will still have a ribbon...

[OutsidetheHermitWalls]

In the spirit of Christmas

She received the gift of me, which was a gift she could not hold, she could not even unwrap.  My mind keeps thinking if I sneak the gift in or have better wrapping paper, then she will receive it.  She cannot she only sees a box with colorful paper, with a ribbon that scares her, because ribbons can turn to shreds.  She does not understand that there is something inside the box.  Her box is empty and she is unable to hold onto herself long enough to realize not all boxes are empty; she can only know that ribbons eventually be shreds...so rather than wait for the natural decay of the ribbon, she rips it off the box and tears it to shreds herself, because at least then she has control over it; the only problem is the box.  The unopened box is not perfect anymore without the ribbon.  So she tosses the box and moves onto the next one who seems to be her new present...but that present will still have a ribbon...

[GreenMango]

Blake sometimes what's in those boxes are too painful for a person to face.

[OutsidetheHermitWalls]

Yes I can only imagine...Being ADHD I am sure I have parts of myself that I am sure what is underneath; I am sometimes confused and I hyper and creative or shy and shutdown because i experience both states; the difference is I am aware that I am aware; my ex BPD wife would not literally not be able to retain the feeling that she had the prior day when she was happy for a few hours; she had posted a pic on Facebook which everyone commented positively on; she asked me why are people saying I look so happy?  when I am so depressed.  I told her I am not sure but; did she feel positive when the picture was taken?  She said yes so I responded to the moment that it captured was what these people were commenting on; it was not discounting that she feels depressed right now.  At that time I was still unaware she was PBD; I thought it was a atypical presentation of depression caused by the miscarriages; now I can see the BPD in that either I am always depressed or I am not; there is know understanding of how to hold seemingly paradoxical concept;  that even in depression I can have moments where I don't seem depressed to others.  It seems BPD people I know seem to often feel very photogenic?  I wonder if it's just the two I knew, or is it common?

[afterdeath]

Yes I can only imagine...Being ADHD I am sure I have parts of myself that I am sure what is underneath; I am sometimes confused and I hyper and creative or shy and shutdown because i experience both states; the difference is I am aware that I am aware; my ex BPD wife would not literally not be able to retain the feeling that she had the prior day when she was happy for a few hours; she had posted a pic on Facebook which everyone commented positively on; she asked me why are people saying I look so happy?  when I am so depressed.  I told her I am not sure but; did she feel positive when the picture was taken?  She said yes so I responded to the moment that it captured was what these people were commenting on; it was not discounting that she feels depressed right now.  At that time I was still unaware she was PBD; I thought it was a atypical presentation of depression caused by the miscarriages; now I can see the BPD in that either I am always depressed or I am not; there is know understanding of how to hold seemingly paradoxical concept;  that even in depression I can have moments where I don't seem depressed to others.  It seems BPD people I know seem to often feel very photogenic?  I wonder if it's just the two I knew, or is it common?

My BPDex always took a ton of pictures. Not necessarily of herself, but sometimes of herself. It was almost like she had to document her life for her to remember the events that took place. Because when we'd split she could just simply throw them out or delete them and forget everything. Also she had to post photos on FB to get positive comments and i think that made her feel good about herself? She has since deactivated her account after i busted her from it and it has made me curious as to how she's getting her fix now on how she's the greatest mom and perfect person to everyone now?

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)