BPDd tried to commit suicide IN a treatment facility.

[Think About It...]

I just got a call from the RTC where my 15yo d is currently living because they caught her in the act of attempting to commit suicide. Here we go again.  She had not done this in a while, but I guess she's back at it again.  She's been in & out of the hospital so many times that I can't even count.  Now she's in RTC & still not making a bit of progress.  If anything, being in these places is making her worse.  She's learning how to manipulate everyone better because of the company that she keeps in there.

Because she's ill, this is going to sound completely selfish & awful,  but I'm tired.  Tired of the constant drama.  Tired of the phone calls in the middle of the night every time they have to restrain her or if she cuts herself.  Tired of the way that she's manipulating the staff.  Tired of the constant meetings - family therapy where she doesn't participate, meetings with the insurance company for funding purposes.  I am mentally shutting down.

Thank you for reading my rant. I've been sucking this up & dealing with it for so long now, that it feels good just to say it for once. 

My heart really goes out to all of you that are dealing with a BPD child because this really sucks.

[tiredmommy2]

I just got a call from the RTC where my 15yo d is currently living because they caught her in the act of attempting to commit suicide. Here we go again.  She had not done this in a while, but I guess she's back at it again.  She's been in & out of the hospital so many times that I can't even count.  Now she's in RTC & still not making a bit of progress.  If anything, being in these places is making her worse.  She's learning how to manipulate everyone better because of the company that she keeps in there.

Because she's ill, this is going to sound completely selfish & awful,  but I'm tired.  Tired of the constant drama.  Tired of the phone calls in the middle of the night every time they have to restrain her or if she cuts herself.  Tired of the way that she's manipulating the staff.  Tired of the constant meetings - family therapy where she doesn't participate, meetings with the insurance company for funding purposes.  I am mentally shutting down.

Thank you for reading my rant. I've been sucking this up & dealing with it for so long now, that it feels good just to say it for once. 

My heart really goes out to all of you that are dealing with a BPD child because this really sucks.

[Togetheritispossible]

rtc..is this normal for rtc? How many attempts for your daughter in all? Sorry to hear this. How is the insurance game?

[peaceplease]

tiredmommy2,

I am so sorry to hear about your dd.  Unfortunately, sometimes the adolescents copy behaviors.  I can remember that we had two residents that were not cutters before and started when they were at facility. They need to be monitored closely, as they will cheek their pills and hide them in their room.   The plan was to OD on the pills.  However, we did room searches on every shift.  But, they were good at finding some  hiding spots. Unfortunately, some people did not do their job and just signed paper that they did a room check. There was some explaining to do when contraband was discovered and missed by staff.  As nurses, we were responsible for checking they took their pills in front of us.  This consisted of them coughing and opening their mouth. 

You can ask the staff not to call you during the night, and that you give them permission to notify you in the morning.  It is a law that they must notify you, but I believe that you can sign a paper to request that they do not call you during the night.  Unless, they absolutely MUST.

I hope that you can take some time to pamper yourself.  

peaceplease

[tiredmommy2]

It's not only the RTC.  She attempted to do this several times in the hospital too.  I'm in no way blaming the staff & I do understand that they have to notify me.  I love me d & want to know, but I am still tired. 

The fact that I feel this way has been a long time coming.  There were so many incidents for so many years that have lead up to me feeling emotionally drained.  When she was at home, she caused a lot of drama; cutting all of the time, attention seeking, lying about everything. This was followed by insinuating that she wanted to commit suicide, followed by her denying it to the crisis intervention people that I'd gotten involved.  After that, it was suicide attempts, multiple hospitalizations, forced discharges by the insurance company, more hospitalizations (each involving a trip to the E.R. & an admission which turns into a 12 hour process each time). It's all of the above that has gotten me to this point. 

My life has been  revolving around my daughter & her issues for way too long now. I have another child at home that deserves a good life.  I wish that she would just cooperate with the staff & stop all of the extra stuff.

Does the drama ever end?

[lbjnltx]

dear tiredmommy,

so very sorry to hear this disturbing and heart breaking news. 

i can totally understand and relate to being give out...we must have time and space to recharge before we are completely depleted.

i also have great concern about your d's access to instruments for self harm.  the facility my d is in is extremely secure...there isn't a knife, piece of glass or razor anywhere on the premises...i just don't understand how she has access to these things... ?

if there is anything i can do to help you please let me know...pm me if you like. 

i will be praying for you and  your d until i hear back from you.

lbjnltx

[j's friend]

 Dear TM2 I can totally understand your feelings of tiredness and send you many     
 
I said to a friend recently that I could happily put up with another year of d'16s drama if I knew it was going to stop after that,But it never

does and that is what eventually wears us down.

Are you recieving any t where you can let these feelings out, Or have someone other than your dh to talk to? (maybe a support group in your area)

Please try and take some time out for yourself and your other child while your d is in rtc. 

[INFORMATION ABOUT THE 'SUPPORTING A CHILD' BOARD]

INFORMATION ABOUT THE 'SUPPORTING A CHILD' BOARD Our objective is to learn how to support our loved ones and to find peace and understanding in our own lives. There is real help and real hope available for families. For information and guidelines please click here :

[tiredmommy2]

Thank you everyone for your responses.    It feels good to vent in a place where people understand & don't harshly judge me for feeling this way. 

I said to a friend recently that I could happily put up with another year of d'16s drama if I knew it was going to stop after that,But it never

does and that is what eventually wears us down.

You nailed it right here!  I really could do this without complaining if I knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but there's not.  I am stuck riding an emotional roller coaster & I want off!  She will do well for a few weeks & I'll be happy thinking that she's making improvement only to be let down later because she has done something destructive. It seems like she doesn't even want to get better.  If she did, why would she continually self-sabotage? 

i also have great concern about your d's access to instruments for self harm.  the facility my d is in is extremely secure...there isn't a knife, piece of glass or razor anywhere on the premises...i just don't understand how she has access to these things... huh

It's not the facility or the staff - they have been awesome.  She has been in 4 different hospitals & managed to do the same things there, so it's no surprise that she has managed to self-harm in the RTC.  It's not that they have glass, razors or anything like that around, it's that my d is really sneaky & creative. She tried to drink shampoo, she has broken up plastic items to make them sharp enough to cut herself & when that fails, she will pull off scabs or just claw at her skin.  When they strip her room, she will rub body parts against walls or tables to create a friction burn.  The suicide attempt was that she actually hung herself with a sheet.  They stripped her room once again, so she's safe for now.  She will probably behave for a week or so, long enough to earn her things back, then wash, rinse & repeat.
Thank you for your concern lbjnltx.  You have been really awesome throughout this.  I hope your daughter is doing well & still on schedule to come home soon.

[lbjnltx]

hello tiredmommy,

how are you doing today?

it's that my d is really sneaky & creative.

i understand.  when my d was first at the facility (first 30 days)she asked a staff member "what would you do if i drank this pine sol?" it wasn't really a threat...more of looking for a reaction...she was seen picking up a piece of metal on the rodeo grounds during a field trip...it was immediately confiscated...
my d is not at a high security facility...they just watch them constantly, have peers that intervene with care and concern (how they are matched w/room mates), and are never out of arms reach of a staff member until they are not a flight risk.

is your d at a high risk, high security facility? (institutional type)  what does the facility recommend for her at this time?

lbjnltx

[tiredmommy2]

lbjnltx,

I'm okay today.  Thanks for asking. 

My d is at a high security facility, one with a good reputation, I might add.  She is doing stuff like what your d did as well...asking the "what if I ___?" questions in a attempt to get a rise out of the staff along with all of the other behaviors.   She's not on 1:1 supervision right now, but they are monitoring carefully, which is all they can do for now.  They are hoping that by making her realize that she can not manipulate them, she will get tired & stop.

Another strange thing happened today. 

The nurse from the facility called me to discuss possible treatment options for one of the medical conditions listed in her chart.  The problem is that she doesn't have any medical problems.  She has the doctors in there running around trying to treat a condition that she doesn't even have!  I don't understand this either.  What sense does this make?  She is also doing the same thing with her T - claiming to have psychiatric symptoms that she doesn't have. She's never going to get well if she keeps leading the treatment team in the wrong direction.

I'm trying not to get frustrated because it doesn't solve anything, but boy is it hard! The fact that your d is doing well & is almost ready to come home gives me a sliver of hope.  At least I know for sure that it's possible to treat BPD in teens

Are you recieving any t where you can let these feelings out, Or have someone other than your dh to talk to? (maybe a support group in your area)

Please try and take some time out for yourself and your other child while your d is in rtc.  Empathy

I'm not in T right now & it would be hard to get T in my area. (I live in the woods )
I had to all but stop talking to my DH about any of this because he can't deal with it.  He's a man that wants to "fix" everything & there's no "fixing" this problem, so he tends to get frustrated. 
I talk about this (on occasion) with one friend of mine, who is empathetic, but can't really understand. 
I do all of my talking right here, where there are people that understand. This place has made so much difference in my life.   

What I need to do is stop thinking about this all of the time & go back to the gym where I was at every day before all of this stuff happened! 

[lbjnltx]

glad you are ok today. 

They are hoping that by making her realize that she can not manipulate them, she will get tired & stop.

She has the doctors in there running around trying to treat a condition that she doesn't even have!  I don't understand this either.  What sense does this make?  She is also doing the same thing with her T - claiming to have psychiatric symptoms that she doesn't have. She's never going to get well if she keeps leading the treatment team in the wrong direction.

a well experienced staff should be able to figure out what is manipulation and histrionics from what is actual.  give them time, let them do what they do best...relax knowing that she is in the best place she can be right now. 

I'm not in T right now & it would be hard to get T in my area.

me too!  BPD14 and i travel an hour each way to go to a t who has experience w/BPD and BPD in adolescents...
many here go to al anon to get the support face to face...they address the same issues non's face who have a BPD as non's who face loving an addict.

He's a man that wants to "fix" everything & there's no "fixing" this problem, so he tends to get frustrated. 

if you got him a book to read would he?
"i don't have to make everything all better" by gary and joy lundberg is an easy read/easy to implement "program".

stay strong and take care of you.

lbjnltx