Are people with BPD devoid of emotion?

[BillP]

The last 18 months with the ex, I really didn't from day-to-day, hour-to-hour. Again...eggshells. Just trying to understand a little more of the mindset of those with the illness.

[Isos]

Actually I think people with BPD experience emotions much stronger than the rest of us. However they tend to be self centered in their experience of things. It's all about them, even when it's about someone else, at least to some degree. There are exceptions I'm sure.

Honestly I don't think we can hold this against them because they really can't help the way they experience the world.

[O'Maria]

Yes, very self centered! 

When I asked my ex to do something it was a major disappointment and instant irritation and then he got mad. Minor things turned into what he called "putting him down". If he called me names and said real bad things (plus all the physical abuse), it was nothing to be upset about. I was called oversensitive.

They cannot see things the way we do. They cannot understand our feelings. The lack of empathy is real. But they expect us to have tremendous patience and unconditional love.

I saw many narcissistic traits in my ex. He always took care of his own needs first (food, sex, stuff he wanted).

 

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[brenbabe]

I could never figure out what my ex was feeling. One minute he was saying he didnt want a relationship, moments later he would say he loved me and we should buy a home together. This back and forth in his statements went on for over 4 years that I was with him. He would leave me at random then return . Every time hed walk through my door hed say the above. I was so confused.

[Travis]

When they rage and call you names, is that really how they feel about you?

I'd like to hear an opinion on this as well.  I always thought my ubpdw said a lot of those things to get a reaction from me.  I tried not to take them too seriously as they wre jus tso bad, how could anybody, especially your wife say those things.  I mean horrible, profanity laced, vile and cruel things that they seem to want to go to your soul. 

[WalrusGumboot]

Actually I think people with BPD experience emotions much stronger than the rest of us.

I agree. Their emotions are likened to a child. We all were there at one point, and while it is hard to remember specific events and our reactions back when we are 5 or  6 years old, we do know that some events make us feel good, some make us feel bad. We do not know enough to help us navigate through the gray areas. Being that the two opposite extremes are all that they have to choose from, their energy is focused on one extreme or the other.

[Auspicious]

Actually I think people with BPD experience emotions much stronger than the rest of us.

I agree. Their emotions are likened to a child. We all were there at one point, and while it is hard to remember specific events and our reactions back when we are 5 or  6 years old, we do know that some events make us feel good, some make us feel bad. We do not know enough to help us navigate through the gray areas. Being that the two opposite extremes are all that they have to choose from, their energy is focused on one extreme or the other.

Stronger, in a way ... but also, shallower.

BPD involves some identity disturbance, a lack of a solid identity. Hence the "how can they change so completely?" thing.

If you have no solid identity, there's no grounding stopping you from wild swings of emotion. No "emotional memory" of "hey, I loved this person, how can I hate them or be indifferent to them now, all of a sudden?"

[O'Maria]

Maybe they are just looking for a reaction...or they consider childish tantrums normal behavior.

It is confusing.

I remember my ex telling me to "get the hell out of his life" and only 20 minutes later (seriously) "let's go look at houses together". ?

What is going on here? no logical sense at all except if there is a total lack of empathy and everything is just a dramatic foreplay.

[hiker_reader]

This thread is comforting because I'm struggling with his feelings, his empathy or lack thereof, etc.  It helps to be reminded that he lives in the moment and his emotions are so much more extreme.  It helps me to not take it so personally.

[glassheart]

Erm, BPD is all about their own emotion, to the detriment of everything else.  It's all about their own selfish, highly emotional needs.  They can't see beyond them.  The rages, tantrums, self-pitying depths of despair, manic happiness (which I suspect is just an act to cover the outrageous abusive way they behave the rest of the time).  They don't care how it affects anyone else. 

[O'Maria]

Did you experience the drama when you tried to leave or break up? 

Their selfish needs are so obvious, and that is why they choose a partner with empathy. Mine wanted someone who is passionate, encouraging, lovable...

I got so many promises, gifts, hugs and kisses whenever he realized I could leave. He was going to see a therapist, he was going to get a better job, buy a new house, give me whatever I wanted to get me back...

It was a cycle - took me a year to see that it always repeated itself. I think it was the lack of empathy to understand how hurt I was.