family t session 3-3-11
the session began with BPD14 asking about whether or not she could come home for a family visit and then return to the rtc to graduate at a later time.
t: it sounds like you are scared and worried about going home. the
staff told me that you are very nervous about going home.
BPD14: yes i am.
t: you can graduate and go home and return here if you really need to.
is the concern mostly about interacting with your friends at home?
BPD14: yeah. i just don't know how i will react if i get in a situation
that is not good for me.
me: how do we know we can do the right thing in any situation?
me: yes. and you have had lots of challenges with peers there and
have managed to use your skills.
t: BPD14, you know that we do not graduate students unless they have
earned it right?
t: why do some girls leave without graduating?
BPD14: because the insurance ran out.
t: right. the treatment team believes you are ready to graduate.
BPD14: (crying a little)
t: does being ready to graduate mean you will go home and be
t: will the doors of falcon ridge close on you when you leave?
BPD14: no. i just am going to miss my girls so much. i was the first
one to help many of them when they got here. i want to see them
grow and get better.
me: when you leave falcon you will still be able to have ppc and t with
lorneta. you will be able to visit on facebook with other grads.
BPD14: can i have group ppc over the phone?
t: we can ask nali if it is ok to do that sometime.
BPD14: i will be so worried about them.
t: how many horses have you worked with here at the ranch?
BPD14: 3 or 4
t: when you leave here do you trust the equine staff to take care of the
horses and not let anything bad happen to them?
BPD14: yeah. i'm going to miss them too.
t: can you trust the staff here to take good care of your friends and
not let anything bad happen to them as well?
BPD14: yes.i can. i can do that.
t: you are panicking a lot. do all the girls in trans panic a lot when it
gets close to graduation time?
BPD14: yeah. this is normal isn't it?
t: yes and not only is it normal it is good. it means you care about
doing well at home. because you care it means you will do well.
BPD14: can i tell my group that i am graduating on the 18th?
t: not yet. that news may be difficult for some of them and we need
to have support in place to help them through their feelings about
your leaving. we will have a good bye group meeting.
me: BPD14, the best way that you can help your peers that you leave
behind at falcon ridge is to come home and do well, be happy, and
use what you have learned. do you see how that would be helpful?
t: mom is right. doing well will be the best way to help your peers.
BPD14: yeah. it will give them hope that they can do it too.
t: if you are feeling uneasy in a situation what do you need to do?
BPD14: walk away. then tell mom and dad so they can help me figure
out how to handle that person or situation. then i can go back to
them and tell them how i feel and why i feel that way.
t: right. use your tools. we would not teach you tools here that
won't work out there.
me: dad and i want you to know that we are working hard on getting
some things in place for you here at home to help you succeed. i
have found a neurofeedback therapist in ____ for you to see. he is
really good at what he does and works with lots of kids your age.
we weren't able to do neurofeedback at falcon because we have run
out of time. do you know what neurofeedback is?
BPD14: yeah. it's like brain waves and computer games that help you
think better. how often will i have to go and how long will it take to
me: we would initially have to go 2 times a week and it is a 2 hour
BPD14: oh...i don't like to ride that much in the car.
me: i know that so what we may try to do is stay the night w/sissy at
her townhouse because she lives really close to the neuro t.
me: also the neuro t said that he may be willing to loan us the equip-
ment to work some of the sessions online to cut down on travel.
BPD14: great. that sounds good.
me: you know you have to be enrolled in school when you get home and the
education director and lorneta both believe that home school is the
best option for you until the end of this year. joette is going to give
you a diagnostic test in math to see where you are and what you may
need extra help with. i have a math tutor in place who is excited to
get to meet you and help you until you pass the taks test in math.
BPD14: i really don't want to .
me: i know. i didn't like the idea much either at first. after i though
about it for a bit and did some research i think it is a wise choice for
all of us. i won't be your teacher. it is an online public school with
some virtual classroom time and chat rooms w/the other students on
fridays. that will give you a chance to use some of your skills and
get some practice. you will have a different teacher for each of your
BPD14: will i still get to have some time with my real friends?
me: yes you will.
BPD14: i was not planning on this.
me: i know. it is a surprise and it can be a good surprise. if you think
about going to individual t an hour each way once a week and going
to neuro t 2 hours each way twice a week how can that work if you
are in school?
BPD14: oh. it wouldn't work well.
me: no, it would be too stressful.
t: mom and dad have worked hard to get a good foundation laid for
you to succeed at home. why do you think they did that?
BPD14: because they love me.
t: why do you think people have kids?
BPD14: uh...i can't believe i don't know this..
too have someone to
t: mom, why did you have BPD14?
me: because God wanted me to have her. she has taught me to love
on a level i would never have achieved without her. even the tough
times have challenged me to grow and be a better person and love
in a selfless way. unconditional love is what it is all about.
dh: we were ready for you. we made plans for you. mom decorated
your room in the little 2 bedroom house we lived in. you are a big
part of the family. school, friends, church, therapy, these are like
links in a chain. if one becomes weak what will happen?
BPD14: it will break the chain.
dh: if a link in your chain starts to become weak we will help you to
remember to use your tools and strengthen it back up.
t: if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing how strong will
the chain be?
t: is there a chance you will fail?
BPD14: well yes. i guess there is a small chance.
t: if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing will you fail?
t: open and honest communication will keep the chain strong. if you
rebel it will fall apart. the after care program that mom and dad and
falcon ridge has set up for you is in place. you have worked harder
than anyone in your group. you are my first girl to graduate the
program. we kind of started here at falcon at the same time.
BPD14: i promise i will not NOT follow the plan.
t: you sound much happier and confident in graduating now than you
did at the beginning of this call. what mind were you in when we
began therapy today?
BPD14: emotional mind.
t: do you feel better now?
BPD14: yes. lots!
t: are the emotions still there?
t: yes they are. they are just under control. mom and dad and BPD14
if you ever need unscheduled family t over the phone just call and we
will find a way to make it happen asap. BPD14, you must find a way
to transfer your skills home. do you use boundaries w/peers here?
t: you will need to do the same thing at home. be careful how you
use them and how you check your peers at home. be in control of
your emotions, don't let those emotions control you.
t: anything else mom or dad?
me: well, i have some sad news to share with BPD14. we had to put
down our kitty yoyo. she and BPD14 are the same age. i took her to
the vet and he said she is just worn out and there is little else we
could do for her. i'm sorry BPD14 to have to tell you that. are you
BPD14: yes i am ok.
t: it is sad when we have to lose a family pet.
me: ok. well i love you BPD14. i am so proud of how well you are
doing and how hard you are working.
BPD14: oh, mom, i need some money to go buy stuff to make my quilt
and i am broke up here.
t: call karen and work that out with her.
me: ok. i will
BPD14: don't forget mom, i really need to get started on my quilt
soon. write it down.
me: i am writing it down.
you know mom, she writes everything down.
BPD14: bye mom, bye dad. love you.
t: good job today BPD14, you are much more calm and have a better
understanding of your after care plan and the support it will provide
for your continued success.