April 25, 2014, 02:10:14 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Today's Feature: WORKSHOP: Do you know the art of WiseMind?  Learn more
Moderators: DreamGirl, P.F.Change, Rapt Reader
Advisors: an0ught, heartandwhole, livednlearned, pessim-optimist, Surnia, Waverider, winston72
Ambassadors: crumblingdad, DreamFlyer99, growing_wings, Kwamina, learning_curve74, maxsterling, maxen, Mutt, peaceplease, scallops, Turkish
Guidelines: Terms of Service, Abbreviations
  Home Blog   Boards   Help Login Register  
What is this?
Think About It...The basic premise of cognitive therapy is that the way we think about events in our lives (cognition) determines how we feel about them (emotions). ~ Jeffrey E. Young PH.D, Reinventing Your Life
169
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Help He's throwing my stuff away  (Read 3938 times)
1bravegirl
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3797


« on: March 09, 2011, 02:45:43 PM »

Ok,  I knew this wouldn't be easy but I'm about to go knock him upside his head..  and I have got to calm down..  down...

I worked my new job all week thus far and yesterday 10 hours! And i'm not in any mood to deal with his dysregulation today. help.. ? ?

He told me he was buying shelves yesterday to get the garage in order and I commended him and said to please just put my things to the side or in bags and I would go thru them later..  ( I had an old dresser in there with stuff in it that he was removing)
So what does he do?  He starts throwing my things away!  I didn't say.."If you see things that look like junk, go ahead and toss em.."" No! I said. let me throw my own stuff away and give me that courtesy.

So I get up and he's doing his thing out there.. I go to throw away the garbage from the house and there are my old snow boots and other things like hair scrunchies and just decent stuff.  Granted most of it was junk but it still bothers the heck out of me!

So I said.. What are you doing!  I asked you to PLEASE just put my stuff aside.

He said.. thats all junk. I didn't throw anything away worth anything.   

Well thats not the point.  It may be worth something to me. Thats the point!

So I felt very frustrated and came inside to calm down.  He thus attempts to open my door and tell me.."Until you can admit how much your stuff is all over the place and how hard this is on us, Im done talking about it." 

Oh really.. Ok..  I just said,  "That isn't really the way I would like to talk about this but ok ..     and didn't say anything else.. 

I need a little feedback please.    not thinking straight today. Very tired and I feel they know when we are not on our toes.  man!   

Also i've noticed that whenever I start a new job he gets off course and something weird happens in our world.   Like he has to take it up a notch or two and ends up making a big old mess! rolleyes barfy
thanks guys.. love  1bg
Logged

Annaleigh
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2525


« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2011, 03:38:40 PM »

He sees it as not important and doesn't conceive that you feel differently.  I know that one, I don't know how to resolve this.  H could never understand things important to me but not to him.  I could talk and explain 10 ways to Sunday and he just didn't get it.

Being a newbie at all this, I would ask him to please put everything back so that you could go through it.  If he argues or refuses, I'd repeat the request calmly.  If he dys-reg'd, I'd go run an errand or something along those lines.  Ok, Honey, I need to go run an errand and pick up some things, I'll be back shortly.

 Empathy

Logged
artman.1
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2161



« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2011, 03:39:28 PM »

1bravegirl,
   Maybe you might go out there and go through your stuff, and then put the things you really want to keep in a safe place, and let him proceed with the garage clean up.  In my house, I am the hoarder, and have much to much stuff in the garage.  Every once in a while my UBPDW goes berserk about the garage, and I will go out and work on it for awhile.  My biggest problem, is she cannot distinguish between the tools, and junk!  I know this is on purpose as she really resents anything of mine.  She has a Barbie Doll Collection that must have cost us $20,000.00.  She has a Coin Collection that is way over priced that she keeps purchasing.  She has every candle that was discarded from her old Merchandizer job, and boxes of greeting cards, etc..  But I have to many tools.  I have been using them to remodel our Kitchen, installing all new Cabinets, Pantry, widening doors, removing and raising the ceiling etc.., but I have to many tools that she needs to throw away.  This is BPD at its best!

Every time she wants to engage with the garage, I will get busy and throw junk out.  This usually helps..  I really can't blame her for her feelings, as she is home absolutely all the time and I work every day, for 9 to 10 hours.  She has to look at my current project underway all the time.  Presently, she is looking at my Fireplace project, where I removed all the old stone surround and rough cut mantle, and am installing a new Travertine tile surround and new Mantle.  What a mess I have made, but it will be finished in a week or so.


    
Logged

boatingwoman
*****
Offline Offline

Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 879



« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2011, 03:41:08 PM »

Is there any truth to what he said?  Do you have a problem with collecting/keeping stuff?
 Empathy

If you have a tendency to hoard, then you aren't ever going to be ready to have this discussion about your stuff.

It may make him anxious to see your stuff out there in the garage if he is a neat and orderly person.

BW
Logged

The worst day on a boat is better than the best day on land.
LW1968
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1538


« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2011, 03:43:57 PM »

Are you feeling like he's punishing you for going to work?  I know that I'm reading into some things, here...hard to know what he's feeling or why he did it until you can talk about it.

Logged
Jaybird
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 955



WWW
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2011, 04:06:45 PM »

It wasn't his call to make Bravegirl.  You were proactive in asking him not to deal with your stuff other than to set it aside.  He chose not to respect your reasonable request.  If I recall, he has moved into your home rather recently.  I don't see how your accumulation of stuff is causing you guys a problem.  It was there when he moved in.  It is yours to choose how you want to deal with it.  He can learn how to express his concerns and request change in a healthy way without stepping over your boundary(a literal property boundary this time) inappropriately. 

I hope when you both have calmed down that this can be revisited using the tools you already know and have been applying beautifully so far.  It seems like a minor set back that should not be over-looked if you don't want to set a precedence.  I would have been angry too.  Good for you for not letting things get out of hand.
Logged

"We seek to please God. He seeks to perfect us--and life works.  Not without pain but with purpose."

tranch
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 855


« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2011, 04:08:30 PM »

OMG I HATE THIS!

My wife does the same thing. Her sister is not BPD, but still just as irresponsible. [Just to give you a recent example of my wife's irresponsibility...she missed jury duty yesterday. She opened the letter, left it on the counter for 2 months, never added it to a calendar etc, and probably just LUCKily didn't throw it away completely...]

My sister in law lived at our house a few months and when she left, left some stuff. We kept reminding her to take it, but she kept forgetting when she came to visit. Well so my wife was cleaning the garage and just throws out a box of "junk". There were papers, letters, bills, etc. in there. Anyone who's ever had responsibility would know you don't throw out a box full of someones paperwork, even if it's unorganized. So I rifled through it just to prove this to her (b/c she seriously wanted to argue it), I found childhood photos, love letters she apparently wanted to keep, and her birth certificate.

My wife will also get out a ton of toys for my son (I have a bunch of toys I saved, nerf guns, STAR WARS TOYS, etc,). She gets out his new toys, plus my old toys, which are not appropriate for a 3 year old anyway, and things get mixed together and scattered around the basement. She continues to let him into new things till its a disaster. then she eventually goes on a cleaning spree, throws the stuff she recognizes into boxes, and then trashes all the little things she doesn't recognize, like parts of toys, parts of games that can't be used without everything, etc.

My wife just talked the other day about how she feels she's never had a connection with anyone, not even me or my son, or her family. I think she has even less of a connection with "stuff." I can empathize for her, but I can't understand why it's so hart for her to at least ADMIT that some people DO care about their stuff, and let THEM decide what to do with it.

I'm sorry you had to go through that...how do you get him to understand, I have no idea. Maybe it's one of those things that just do not compute. He doesn't understand why you would care so much, and at the moment all he cares about are his desires to clean something up. Sounds like he's similar to my wife in that way. What they want can so easily trump what we want.
Logged
egwene
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 98


« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2011, 08:46:20 PM »

1BG - Don't let this "stuff" issue take you off your new job high!  I have no direct insight into why he's dysregulating (correlated to your job or not...)  What I can say is that I know I would feel very angry if someone went through my stuff and started throwing it away even if I told them not to.  So, you were justified in being upset and if you didn't handle it 100% perfect, you did what you did and that's all that you could do.  What was the ultimate outcome?  It sounds like you didn't really lose anything (I hope)? 

- egwene
Logged
1bravegirl
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3797


« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2011, 12:43:07 PM »

Thanks everyone for your replies.. It went from bad to worse .. long story.

I am still too drained to deal with much now.  I'll elaborate later.  have a good day..
Logged

Annaleigh
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2525


« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2011, 12:48:41 PM »

 cry  Sorry it went south, take care of you and I'll be praying for you both.  Empathy
Logged
Auspicious
Distinguished Member
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8437



« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2011, 01:42:02 PM »

It sucks when someone you live with can't respect a shared space sad

You may just have to lock your stuff up, so he can't get at it. You may have to do highly inconvenient things to protect yourself. You shouldn't have to, but you may.
Logged

Have you read the Lessons?

At_Bay
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3279


Calm:condition free from storms (Merriam-Webster)


« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2011, 02:10:35 PM »

So sorry, 1BG. Hope things get worked out and you feel better soon.
Logged

Self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.--Ronald Reagan
Pixie-Dust
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 585



« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2011, 03:51:32 PM »

1BG-Wow, throwing your stuff away...not cool and now things got worse? Yikes. I hope things get better for you soon. Empathy

 Pixie
Logged
boatingwoman
*****
Offline Offline

Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 879



« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2011, 04:44:21 PM »

I wanted to clarify that I didn't mean he had a right to do that... just wanted more information about the context of the situation.

But, regardless, if he just moved in.. yes, it is offensive.
 
Empathy

BW


Logged

The worst day on a boat is better than the best day on land.
eeyore
*******
Offline Offline

Posts: 5939



« Reply #14 on: March 11, 2011, 05:23:40 PM »

I thought you lived in YOUR house? 
Logged


Jbird
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 1176



« Reply #15 on: March 11, 2011, 07:20:19 PM »

Hey friend... hang in there.  Empathy  Wish I was there to give you a big ole squeeze in real life. 
Logged

Still learning to use these wings of mine!
1bravegirl
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3797


« Reply #16 on: March 12, 2011, 05:47:15 PM »

Hi everyone.. thank you bunches for the support.  Yes it does suck that it can't be as simple as just asking your spouse to do ... A or B but never do C.. ok?  that is not ok with me.. ever. .  and they do C!

So yeah, it got worse.. I think when i work he feels more insecure about his role here or something..  I'm sure there is the aspect of me being able to carry my own weight financially when I have a job as opposed to counting on him when i'm not.  So maybe he feels less needed or secure.

I have so many things that are falling apart around me that need to be reinforced bigtime that i'm feeling very unhappy and disappointed in myself.

Too many boundaries not being kept intact and / or followed thru as agreed and this job I just started is too hard on my body. I found out by trying though right?

Its like 40 minutes away and its all mountain driving and then its very mentally and physically challenging and I don't recall being in this much pain in a long time.

So as much as i'd like to clarify the issues at hand, i'm holding back due to not feeling well enough to give it justice without making the situation worse due to being in such pain!  So I'm trying to wait and just state the obvious but with a pwBPD  there is no 'obvious' right?

so the good news is I got the call from the first Surgeon yesterday and she wants me to start with her afterall and can give me part time.. It's ten minutes away and so much easier to perform. I didn't know I'd be willing to do boring vs working harder.. but im thinking pushing 50 is making that decision for me.

So i have a list of things that are bothering the heck out of me and my H is very self serving to the things he is doing around here even if it is a lot, its not the things that I want him to help with.  I don't need big meals daily.
I need the dogs taken to the trails for their exercise..

I need down time here in MY  ok..our house so I can feel like I have some space here to relax too.  I came home today frm the busy job and just said..'i need to be in th elivingroom alone today..   """

and he went in the bedroom and took a nap.   I feel like i'm losing it bigtime. He is on workers comp and always here!  and if I want alone time I go in the bedroom but that means he is the only one ever in the livingroom, enjoying the fire, the giant flatscreen and i'm not feeling this at all!

I wanted to have an agreement that certain days of the week he allows me to be in the lroom on my own and he find things to do elsewhere.(not my fault he doesn't have any outside hobbies or friends.right?)   or he can leave the house and help me with tht dogs and go take them to dogpark or something.
He agreed to do this when he moved in and it went south.
things were good for a couple ofmonths then the rains/snow hit and i get that but now its time to get back on track and I see the old stuff creeping back in .(laziness.. not enough support) and I can't go there ever again.

I mean, its eating me away!  And I have brought it up this week but i'm so wasted from training that i'm not very tactful so he isn't receptive.. so I just stay quiet and internally miserable.

And he wasa suppose to initiate a family bible study weekly..   nope.  he is lacking in that area too. unless i bring it up... nothing happens..

So im feeling very betrayed and very lost and want my freedom here back within reason of course but i need him to be more supportive in area/s that count in my life.   animals.  household, giving me time here alone.. *is that reasonable?   and being willing to see this for the reality of what it is...
we are still in our preliminary stage here and we both agreed whatever adjustments it took to get things right and make sure we both felt good, we would do and I feel so upset inside for many reasons.    

I am mad at myself for taking a job so far away..  and now that i have the other one to meet with.. how do i get out of the first one? I worked today all by myself running the walk in medical clinic and they have my scd like 28 hours this coming week and I was suppose to of been hired for 12 hours only~
i have the job basically down and they are trying to work me more than they agreed.
and I need to somehow let them know that the first "LOCAL" job i wanted has come thru now and I cannot keep this job.. as I had thought...
how do I do this in a way that shows integrity and uprightness?

I need to get myself grounded again and find the innerhappiness I have been feeling before i can justifiably talk to my h and make it benefical.  I want to have the results that will make my life more pleasant, not more painful and complicated.

He stopped with the tossing my stuff.. and yes, i do tend to hold onto some things but not tons.

He is a bit of a hypocrite cuz he complains about stuff I have.. stupid stuff and how much it is a mess but then I am the only one doing all the deep cleaning and he wont really sweep the floor good or wipe things down correctly.

so I am constantly cleaning after him and cleaning out the wood burning stove.. and then not being able to enjoy it.  

I finally told him yesterday that he agreed to vacuum the area with the wood stove and I wanted him to do that.  He said "aren't you going to vacuum the living room..?   I said.. NO.. I'm tired of using any downtime here with you taking a trip to the grocery store to clean.  You can start doin g that like we agreed.

He got all funky and said.. 'im not doing it.."  then I said, then you don't need to make any fires..    'him.." fine, we'll freeze.."    me..fine.
went in bedroom 'again/  miserable   again.

didn't sleep well, went to work today at a job I don't really enjoy and my back/neck is killing me from the driving there and back and Im a freakin mess!

So how do I approach this?  Him?  the job?   I want to make a list of things that I feel are very important to my happiness here and lethim know he can do the same..  and then agree to follow it or Im going to suffocate inside and this will not work for me...     ok, any suggestions to helping me now is very much appreciated.. on all fronts.

and yes eeyore,, he moved into 'my' house and Jaybird.. he knew when he came here that there were things i still needed to sift through and he said he wouldn't say anything.. well he lied and now he is slowing starting to regress..  so I need to nip it but not to dramatically.  i need to find my balance in all this fast.
Logged

artman.1
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2161



« Reply #17 on: March 12, 2011, 06:54:36 PM »

1bravegirl,
    I am a little confused about this post.  I'm not sure where you are having so much trouble with so many things that are driving you crazy.  First, the job.  If you cannot handle the serious and dangerous drive to the place you are working at, you just drew a big picture of why you cannot continue with this position, and coupled with the fact that they have been less than forthcoming about your agreed upon hours, they have to understand if you decide to quit.  After all, if they were unhappy with you in even the slightest way, they would immediately let you go during the first six months or so.  It works both ways girl. 
    Now with your BPDH, I see a pretty high functioning individual as compared with others on this site, including my UBPDW.  He can even take input from you without raging, but if you are very stressed and upset and are not clear as to your requests, I can see his confusion and need to withdraw.  Your post was all over the place about what you requested, and I would probably wonder what my wife wants when she keeps changing course along the way.  I may have this all wrong, but maybe just stop and get a hug or two and settle down and relax.  Just remember that you are so very much loved.

I hope you can come to a little more serene place soon and find some peace.. smiley

       
Logged

Auspicious
Distinguished Member
Emeritus
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8437



« Reply #18 on: March 12, 2011, 07:30:14 PM »

I want to make a list of things that I feel are very important to my happiness here and lethim know he can do the same..  and then agree to follow it or Im going to suffocate inside and this will not work for me...    

If he actually has BPD, then reasoning with him is very unlikely to work. It's a real mental illness.


and then agree to follow it or Im going to suffocate inside and this will not work for me...     

'Or something will happen to you' is unlikely to be something he can grasp.

'Or something will happen to him' - maybe.
Logged

Have you read the Lessons?

1bravegirl
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3797


« Reply #19 on: March 13, 2011, 12:28:00 AM »

Hi Auspicious,

It is definitely BPD so that ones a given.  So it wont work well i'm a thinkin..   i'm just venting, thinking out loud and reaching out for a rope here.. and not to hang myself either..lol    
I know that I can get thru to him at certain times and he gets it enough to make a huge effort but it has to be sustained.    I have seen him make a lot of huge changes, even with all the BPD traits, its just a matter of not allowing myself to engage with him like I have in the past, in a toxic element of disgust or disappointment, only to find things that much worse.  I have a bad way of being pretty snotty when im feeling really run down and not respected on top of it.  So its not a good combination. recipe for disaster.  
Thats why I am laying low and need to figure out how to sever the ties with this job here and not look like a total Looooooser..       in the process.  You know.. small mountain, suburban towns love small talk like this.    Trying to be smart and considerate and self preserving.   help...lol

So ok, its not the end of the world here, but im still worried nonetheless.  Im very concerned for all those lost in Japan and how they are suffering and feel great empathy for their loss,  but I do not want to suffer any longer either.   I have suffered so much in different ways of course but enough to feel a trigger from his lack of empathy or shooting off rude words when something bothers me just because he cannot handle any type of criticism or words that he feels make him look like a total failure.  
Case in point,  I came home from work and was in the mood for my carramello bar and went to eat it and he had rummaged thru my room..(i hid it cuz i no his moves..) and ate my dang candy bar.  
I asked him.. 'did you eat my candybar..  'oh yeah, i was going to replace it but forgot'
you know what.. that is so rude h,  i was looking forward to that all day.  ( really I was..) and its just not ok to go thru my room and drawers with no regard for my privacy or my stuff.  candy bar or not.  
i don't go thru your stuff. never do I go in your bedroom.. (we have 2 rooms and he has all his stuff in one bedroom and bath and i have all my personal stuff in my bdrm and bath.    
So he got very defensive and made me look like the bad guy.  
I do so much for you!  you'll get over it..  (kind of attitude..)  then I went in the car to go to store for another one and he got all pissed off cuz i was leaving.

ok?  
i know this sounds sooooo trivial but its the attitude behind it that is starting to creep up again.  It went from very loving and respectful, doing things together daily, to gradually being in different rooms at night and a blantant disregard for how I feel about things and that is what has me worried and seeing signs from the past.    

I know that several times I should of addressed the subject matter after the fact but for whatever reason, it went by and didn't get discussed.  

So now I am wanting to make sure that I do not allow certain things to just happen and have it be a way of reinforcing behavior I never want to see again.  I have worked so hard to be where I'm at and i just want to do whatever it is I can to keep myself in one piece and true to myself.    I promised myself when I let him move back in here that I would not allow anyone or anything to make me feel like i'm losing myself due to any abuse or hurt feelings that aren't acknowledged.

I feel I am succumbing to some of that again and need to address it while its only the beginning stages.  I mean its been 2 1/2 months and I can already see how easy it could be to just let all that crap creep back up and overtake us.

I see him working to avoid that though and that is encouraging.  But any false move by me and its like an invitation for disaster.  I don't want to feel so much of our success falls on me being perfect since Lord knows, i'll make my share of mistakes here.

I'm rambling.   Im very tired and very uneasy inside.   I feel a famiiar sense of inner nervousness that I haven't felt in a long time..  Is it the job issue? and the uBPDh?    Or maybe a residual from my sister attempting to commit suicide last week... who knows. but I feel weird and i want it to go away..

thanks for listening...

Hey Art,

You probably feel that i'm all over the place.. because I am!

and that is my issue and most likely due to overextending myself for a job that was more than I could do and not pay for it healthwise.
And good point on them being willing to let me go if I wasn't doing my part.  I guess I'm concerned as to how to do it...

Am I suppose to give a notice this soon?  If I have another job opportunity ?

I don't think they feel they are doing anything wrong since in the mgrs eyes, its all part of training.. but I worked by myself today with little problem.. so not really a need for all that.

And with BPDh, well he is so so functioning but has not followed thru on things he has proposed he would do..  no matter what.  And I have to hold him to that in order to feel good about our future here.

I do not want to lose myself again due to him not willing to see area's that show a disregard for my feelings and have it make me feel sick again.   I have been thru way too much to go there.  

I need someone here that will be supportive and help the load, not make it worse or harder on me.   I don't think I'm asking for too much.. He's already showed he can rise to the occasion and be up for the task of being involved in our livestyle here.   I think the decline in weather affected his ability to do more but It has to be determined with both of us that regardless if its raining or whatever... our dogs need to be walked every day and there are things that need to be done every day and if he isn't working, then he certainly has to push himself to be responsible for things that are not a choice here.   These are things that are necessary for our lives to run smoothly.

I must say, after I let him know I expect him to do more in the lroom, he did clean out the fire place and his attitude changed a lot but I don't want to go thru high drama in order to get things that should just be happening due to caring enough to want this to work.  

Haven't we both been thru enough already to just realize whats important here.

I did concur with being all over the place Art and thats why I hesitated to engage him in much of what I'm feeling. He knows where he has fallen short and I too see my errors of taking on more than I can handle and getting myself off course bigtime.

So now this is up to me to get out of this job quickly or at least have my schedule the way its suppose to be til the other job is ready to go to...(should I let them know this job is coming up?)  and find my balance with my health again also and then I will be in much better shape to handle his lack of follow thru and be more inclined to say how I'm feeling in a way that will make a positive change here.

I am just taking it slow today..  took the dogs to a great new place I found.. waterfalls everywhere.. oh by the way, its not so dangerous driving to work, its very hard on my body driving up hills and basically 45 minutes one way and on a day working 9 hours..  counting the hour for lunch then the drive time back and forth.. oh heck no.. forget it.  I'm lunch meat.    I didn't know it would have that impact on me but I should of.  So I'll accept that big error and lick my wounds as I get myself feeling good again.. ? ;p

So, I am in bed after the hike with dogs..  hubby made some dinner and tried to be accommodating but I didn't say a wholel lot today.  I'm just not feeling it.

He spent the day working on the garage and putting up shelves I asked for and changing a light tha twas in my eyes.. so he has been tring to please me but it feels like its 'make up' stuff.  

I don't want to feel that at this point.   It makes me think about how it was before.   always wanting a certain way here but only getting it after I get to the end of my rope. you know?     its not that bad at this time but I don't want to fall into any of the old patterns either.  

So i have a lot to express to him and I'm praying and really thinking of how to say things in a way that will help him understand how it is affecting me without it feeling like an attack.

thanks again.. love  1bg
Logged

Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2010, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!