Could this be her trigger... ?

[Think About It...]

I was just thinking about what could of possibly set of my currently EXBPDGF off on a strong course of the silent treatment.

Since we first got together 2+ months ago, we seen each other every weekend without fail. Due to the distance between us, only weekends were possible.

Anyway, we spent the first weekend after Valentines day at our respective homes and I made no real effort to contact her during this period. The Valentines period was pretty intense for both us so I gathered she needed her space. On the Monday following, she called and gave me the usual 'I can't handle this!' excuse which never makes any sense to me.

Since then she has got back with a guy that she was verbally tearing apart only a few weeks earlier.

Could the trigger therefore be that because we did not see each other on that weekend as we had done every one before, she ended up feeling abandoned etc? I understand that BPD's feel most comfortable with routine and structure. Could this unfamiliar situation have set her off?

[One2TheOther]

I was just thinking about what could of possibly set of my currently EXBPDGF off on a strong course of the silent treatment.

Since we first got together 2+ months ago, we seen each other every weekend without fail. Due to the distance between us, only weekends were possible.

Anyway, we spent the first weekend after Valentines day at our respective homes and I made no real effort to contact her during this period. The Valentines period was pretty intense for both us so I gathered she needed her space. On the Monday following, she called and gave me the usual 'I can't handle this!' excuse which never makes any sense to me.

Since then she has got back with a guy that she was verbally tearing apart only a few weeks earlier.

Could the trigger therefore be that because we did not see each other on that weekend as we had done every one before, she ended up feeling abandoned etc? I understand that BPD's feel most comfortable with routine and structure. Could this unfamiliar situation have set her off?

[shatra]

Hi
   It sounds like she felt abandoned
You wrote
she called and gave me the usual 'I can't handle this!' excuse
   ---Can you share about what that means? WHat is it she can't handle?
Bye
 Shatra

[One2TheOther]

You wrote
she called and gave me the usual 'I can't handle this!' excuse
   ---Can you share about what that means? WHat is it she can't handle?

Hi Shatra

Thanks for your advice.

All she said was 'This is too much. I need to get over myself.' but this was exactly the same excuse she gave me before she started to give me the silent treatment last time. That eventually carried on for three months before she pulled me back again.

It seems that she's now trying to make me jealous by confessing her love for this other guy on a social networking site.

Again, thanks for your help.

[eeyore]

Two months... good that you recognize the signs so soon.  How does this make you feel?  Can you continue on like this and not have a problem with it?

[One2TheOther]

Two months... good that you recognize the signs so soon.  How does this make you feel?  Can you continue on like this and not have a problem with it?

Hi Eeyore

It makes me feel pretty worthless and empty even though she told me that she loved me on our last phonecall. I think she tried to make me feel guilty and said that she had cried all weekend about the situation.

I'd like to give it one last try. She deserves a chance to realise what's wrong. I haven't previously raised any of the problems I believe she has and I won't break the NC for that purpose. I'll have to wait for her.

I like to think that I'm the Primary partner here and not Secondary to the other guy. I think that's what is most confusing for me at the moment. Is he the 'fall back' guy or am I?

Thank you for your help, Eeyore.

[eeyore]

I'd like to give it one last try. She deserves a chance to realise what's wrong. I haven't previously raised any of the problems I believe she has and I won't break the NC for that purpose. I'll have to wait for her.

I like to think that I'm the Primary partner here and not Secondary to the other guy. I think that's what is most confusing for me at the moment. Is he the 'fall back' guy or am I?

If she's BPD then I think the rationale you are trying to apply doesn't apply.  She could realize what is wrong and then do ti again and again.  The question is what is your boundary?  If you are the fall guy, then what does that mean to you?  Is this how you want to live? 

[One2TheOther]

If you are the fall guy, then what does that mean to you?  Is this how you want to live? 

If I am, indeed, the fall guy then I won't go back. I'll keep the NC up for good. I know I deserve better but like all people who suffer from BPD, there's a good person deep down wanting to get out.

Regardless of who I am in the situation, I still want what's best for her. That's fundamental but I know I should also be doing what's best for me.

Many thanks for your help, Eeyore. I'll think about what you've said.