cutting/mutilation and how to deal with it as a partner of a BPD

[Think About It...]

My girlfriend is going through a rough patch with her dad, who was physically and emotionally abusive to her growing up, and he sent her a particularly hurtful email on Monday. She called me very upset and asked me to come over, so I went to her apartment and found her hysterically crying. I ready the email her father sent, it truly was mean and he referred to how she  "gave up her childhood" when in reality she was depressed and borderline and she didn't give up anything. More distressing than this email was the fact that after reading it, she cut, badly. Two small cuts on her wrist and over ten on her leg, one of which was really deep and look liked she went at for a while. There was blood on her hands. I told her immediately that I had work in an hour and that if I blew off work that I would be fired, and surprisingly she took that news well. I told her that she needed to call her therapist after I left, and that she either needed to call her mother or her best friend also while I was gone. She surprisingly called her therapist, went to see him today, and generally has been taking responsibility for the fact that she self-harmed for the first time in years, which was positive.

What was not positive was the fact that she cut at all.I have never seen her cut before. We have been together almost a year and a half and though she has many, many scars that are years old, I have not ever seen wounds like wounds on her leg ever before in my life. I cannot get the image of the cuts or the blood on her hands out of my head. I am trying to be supportive of the fact that she went to therapy and is dealing with it but I cannot stop seeing the blood and the cuts and I can't stop thinking about it.

Have you ever been in this situation? I am really upset from the experience and I don't feel comfortable going to her to talk about how much it upset me, but I also desperately want her to reassure me that it's going to be okay, even though I know she really can't. I feel like I'm going to keep seeing those cuts and see them slowly heal and I'm going to get upset by it over and over and I don't know what to do about it.

[ahundredyears]

My girlfriend is going through a rough patch with her dad, who was physically and emotionally abusive to her growing up, and he sent her a particularly hurtful email on Monday. She called me very upset and asked me to come over, so I went to her apartment and found her hysterically crying. I ready the email her father sent, it truly was mean and he referred to how she  "gave up her childhood" when in reality she was depressed and borderline and she didn't give up anything. More distressing than this email was the fact that after reading it, she cut, badly. Two small cuts on her wrist and over ten on her leg, one of which was really deep and look liked she went at for a while. There was blood on her hands. I told her immediately that I had work in an hour and that if I blew off work that I would be fired, and surprisingly she took that news well. I told her that she needed to call her therapist after I left, and that she either needed to call her mother or her best friend also while I was gone. She surprisingly called her therapist, went to see him today, and generally has been taking responsibility for the fact that she self-harmed for the first time in years, which was positive.

What was not positive was the fact that she cut at all.I have never seen her cut before. We have been together almost a year and a half and though she has many, many scars that are years old, I have not ever seen wounds like wounds on her leg ever before in my life. I cannot get the image of the cuts or the blood on her hands out of my head. I am trying to be supportive of the fact that she went to therapy and is dealing with it but I cannot stop seeing the blood and the cuts and I can't stop thinking about it.

Have you ever been in this situation? I am really upset from the experience and I don't feel comfortable going to her to talk about how much it upset me, but I also desperately want her to reassure me that it's going to be okay, even though I know she really can't. I feel like I'm going to keep seeing those cuts and see them slowly heal and I'm going to get upset by it over and over and I don't know what to do about it.

[Blossom]

It seems like you handled the situation quite well; it's not up to you to be dealing with the aftermath of her self-harm, anyway. If you pander to her needs (IE blowing off work) it is not to anyone's benefit.

That's okay to be upset by the experience. Self-harm can be extremely distressing to witness. Is there someone you can talk to about the experience? Like a therapist? Perhaps if you can be guided through your distress, you'll begin to feel more at ease with what happened.

I can't say i've been in your situation, in that whilst we've hard to deal with horrific self-harm, it's something that doesn't especially bother me (in terms of the visuals). What kind of reassurance is it you're looking for? The reason i say that is it's important to remember that self-harm and suicidal ideation are not one and the same; so that your GF has self-harmed needn't be an indication of worse. What it is indicating is that she isn't coping and that is something that can be worked with.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[ahundredyears]

Yes, I have a therapist that I'll be talking to about it but that isn't until next week. I don't really know what assurances I'm looking for. I think mostly it saddened me that she cut, and I want her to tell me she won't do it again? I don't really know.