TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

[GreenMango]

Linusham building on what Auspicious is saying this is a moment where you can address the topic of suicide with the person.  And stay on this topic not letting the person minimize the severity of it or your concern.  If you call the local hospital/hotline and they say to bring the person in because its not an immediate threat qualifying for 911 then you can suggest to the person let's go down to doctor and address these feelings.

If the person is yanking you around emotionally playing at suicide, staying on point addressing the issue with concern with love they will see you aren't playing around.  If they are seriously depressed and need support you are there.

Here is our Safety first protocal with good information on resources and steps we can take: http://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info3.htm

Have you had a chance to talk to someone about it?  These situations can be stressful.

[Hunter56]

My BPD spouse began obsessing over the Sandy Hook tragedy on the day after it occurred.  I was also very upset.  We have a very large home and live on opposite ends, as our contact is quite limited.  I was doing laundry and she initiated a rant about Sandy Hook that went to a rant about people calling her daughter a whore to a rant about people calling her a whore and eventually to me being some kind of pervert and how I didn't realize how close she was to killing herself.  

Naturally, I freaked out.  She has always engaged in self-mutilation, but never vocalized suicide.  

I had already contacted MHMR authorities (Mental Health & Mental Retardation Centralized Intake) and got a "hotline" card from them.  

Calling MHMR was pointless.  They asked if she was armed or taking pills.  If not, then there was no "emergency".  

I called the County Judge and with his help got them to respond two days later.  The Sherrif's Dept responded and picked her up only to return her two hours later without advising me.  I found out when she surprized me in the kitchen with "I'm going to kill you."  She laughed and added, "Don't you think I know how to escape?"  I didn't think it was funny, but did not react openly.  

I then called the MHMR people and it took 4 hours for them to give me a response..."She doesn't appear to be a threat to herself and others now.  She just feels guilty about letting you molest her daughter."  

You can only imagined how I freaked.  

I demanded a meeting and they made a home visit that night.  They said that they could not force her to seek help and would run a 7 day evaluation and report.  No offer to clue me in on the results of the report.  No offer of support to me.  As they were leaving my home, my BPD spouse told them that I was "punishing her" (for what I don't know).  As the MHMR people drove away my BPD spouse lit up a joint she had squirreled away.

Needless to say, they have not contacted me.  7 days have come and gone.  So much for caring.  

It is easy to say that the mental health care system is bad, but I imagine that's only because I actually expected something.  

Tomorrow may be New Year's eve, but I'm going to see my attorney, the County Judge, and whomever else necessary to put an end to this lunacy.

H56

[Tightrope walker]

It is ironic that the title of the workshop popped up, when I was grappling with the suicidal issue for the entire weekend.  My d25 has several times taken too much prescribed medicine and ended up down at the hospital ER.  One time she took excessive medication and then tried to hang herself.  I have been working with my therapist on breaking the rescue role and setting boundaries.
    Friday night she took took much medication (not to my knowledge).  Saturday night she does it again (and tells me).  Sunday night she repeats it and calls me. I ask her to call the crisis center, but she would not.  I read several postings when I logged on Sunday night.
   Auspicous said

When a person is making the genuine actionable suicide threat they are effectively saying "I cannot safely cope with this situation - I need serious intervention to protect my life and health."  And if the person is not amenable to less forceful treatment and support, you need to take action.

   Since she is an adult, I am not allowed to be with her in counselling nor have I met her counselor.  I did call the agency and request that I leave important information.  I did and the counselor did call my D telling her either she goes down herself or the police would be there. When I went to her house, it was full of knives, screw drivers, etc all over the place.  Her cutting had escalated also.
   Like Hunter 56, I have experienced the nightmare of dealing with the current mental health situation. But this time it worked (she is currently hospitalized).
   As Green Mango stated

There is a difference in general depression and a suicide threat

It's really important to separate out general depression which requires one type of response (not 911) and a suicide threat - a risk event.  911 calls are good for:

1) A true in-the-moment threat event - not just casual or past musings
2) Only if the person refuses to go to talk to a HOTLINE and follow their advice or is too emotional/unstable to make the trip in a car.
Posted on: December 18, 2012, 02:19:31 PM Posted by: Skip

I thought this time she met No. 1 and No. 2.  Thanks to the workshop.
                                                                                                 Tightrope Walker
                               
                         

[beachtalks]

This is an interesting thread for me.  Here are some of my feelings on the subject:
My BPDh has threatened suicide many times, and I have watched him try.  He even overdosed on pills one time when I wouldn't stay with him, going ahead with it when I had given my firm "no," and then threw them up to save himself soon after. 
Most of the time his threatens are his way of ordering me to give into whatever his needs/wishes are, over-riding my own.  I haven't allowed it to change my behavior, and have looked at it as just another way of him abusing me. 

I think every time is different though, and I remain on guard.

There have been times where I have felt very envious of his freedom to threaten suicide, of his freedom to express his sadness and anger.  Every one feels overwhelmed at times, and as much as I value my life and would never seriously consider suicide, I could imagine how fulfilling it would feel just to express the general feeling of "misery" and "helplessness" to him when I was hurt. 

[somuchlove]

this is a good thread.  I am not sure how I feel.  My dd 38, has 3 children has continued to threaten to kill herself off and on throughout the past 20 some years.  We never take it lightly but, scary to say it seems to be like the "little boy who cried wolf".  I agree with some posters that in our dd's case sometimes it is a, I just can't handle things, don't want to deal with things, way to pull our strings.  It is very destressing for us.  She sometimes text, like a bomb shell,  better make arrangments to get the kids I love, cause I am going to kill myself tonight.  Or we get the ,  I wish I had the guts to just shoot myself in the head.  I am dead inside so who cares. 

I worry that, because I am not valadating her feelings nor is her bf, when she says this. 

I am kind of confused as on one hand we are suppose to valadate, not tell them they have issues, mentally problems, I am using the words in general terms, and yet we will take them to mental health, dr.s or call 911 .  That is a huge statement telling them we think something is wrong.  Which it is and if they say these things they are accountable for their actions.

My fear in calling ( which probably is wrong) is that she will go to ER, maybe be kept for a little while, then released with not really any follow up, someone had to pick up her children,  bf family and or friends would probably know, because we are 6 hrs. by plane to get there.  She would be devistated, and it may drive her over the edge.   HOW DO WE WEIGHT THIS OUT?  CALL 911 or not.  When you think this may be just, I am really made and i can't deal anymore. 

[Auspicious]

My fear in calling ( which probably is wrong) is that she will go to ER, maybe be kept for a little while, then released with not really any follow up, someone had to pick up her children,  bf family and or friends would probably know, because we are 6 hrs. by plane to get there.  She would be devistated, and it may drive her over the edge.   HOW DO WE WEIGHT THIS OUT?  CALL 911 or not.  When you think this may be just, I am really made and i can't deal anymore. 

 

There are no perfect answers. In the end you just do your best and hope for the best. It is not your fault that she has this mental illness.

She's the one making the threats. She's the one telling you that she is putting her children at risk. Whether she understands it or not, there are natural consequences that flow from doing that.