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firstperson
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« Reply #20 on: March 27, 2011, 11:40:44 PM » |
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Thanks Summer
I felt really sad all day after reviewing my circumstance with dear friends. They seemed to understand. Whew.
All avenues look really bad
One day at a time
God bless you
Fo
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firstperson
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« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2011, 11:56:56 PM » |
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Summer,
As I was reading your stuff, I was thinking how hard it is to NOT reply and go about your day. That seems to me to be the most powerful response.
Good going!
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
 This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board.
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-) |
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firstperson
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« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2011, 05:59:45 AM » |
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I talk about all this with friends and share with knowledgeable people. The answers are all the same. "I don't know what I'd do with that problem." I consider the life worth living and no matter what it looks like, I am confronted with what looks like failure.
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Summer1
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« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2011, 03:32:58 PM » |
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I consider the life worth living and no matter what it looks like, I am confronted with what looks like failure.
I would not say that it is failure you are looking at. I would say that you are married to someone who is ill and you did the best you could... you realize people with BPD are not capable of having healthy ralationships and can be very abusive. So you move on and you do not know what wonderful things God has in stored for you! IMO that is not FAILURE. How does that sound ? I think much better  Summer |
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firstperson
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« Reply #24 on: March 28, 2011, 03:52:30 PM » |
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The thought of seeing my wife deteriorate is really sad, even if I find a wonderful life. But living with overt rejection is awful, too. Both look like big failures right now.
Her thinking has become so twisted... Arrrrrrrgh!
I'll probably have to decide my future based on the security of my two children and forget the failure aspect for me or my wife.
It just doesn't make a lot of sense right now.
Thanks for your note of encouragement.
Thanks.
I bet many feel this sense of pervasive failure at times.
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Summer1
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« Reply #25 on: March 28, 2011, 07:58:27 PM » |
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The thought of seeing my wife deteriorate is really sad, even if I find a wonderful life. But living with overt rejection is awful, too. Both look like big failures right now.
I bet many feel this sense of pervasive failure at times.
I'm so sorry...did not mean to minimize your feelings in any way. I know there is much pain in watching your wife suffer from this illness and hurt feelings when you are feeling rejected. I also realize that there are many people who feel a sense of failure from BPD relationships. Being married to someone who suffers from this illness I also have these feelings. Did not mean to say that you should not have these feelings I was just hoping to make you feel a little better since I understand your pain. God Bless! Summer |
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firstperson
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« Reply #26 on: March 29, 2011, 12:44:02 PM » |
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Summer
I understand and appreciate you and the fact that you are helping. That's the highest form of service to help out of our hurt. I admire you and understand your good intentions completely!
Thanks
Btw
At it's worst my w called yesterday and we had a stormy exchange that actually ended in pleasantries! Wow.
Only God can save this. Mice to know for sure He is more than able
God bless you
Fp
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Summer1
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« Reply #27 on: March 29, 2011, 05:58:44 PM » |
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Summer
I understand and appreciate you and the fact that you are helping. That's the highest form of service to help out of our hurt. I admire you and understand your good intentions completely!
Glad you understood what I meant! |
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firstperson
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« Reply #28 on: April 05, 2011, 12:49:10 PM » |
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Regardless
Each exchange is a mystery
Marriage is a mystery
It consumes so much energy in trying to understand this mystery
Certain thoughts are definitely crippling
Crippled people still do amazing things from time to time
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firstperson
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« Reply #29 on: April 07, 2011, 09:21:17 PM » |
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The T liked my answers and gave me a new assignment
Identify what I do that prevents me from reaching my goals for the life worth living
The journey goes on...
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firstperson
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« Reply #30 on: April 15, 2011, 11:12:17 PM » |
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So tonight there was a small breakthrough
I asked the question, "Is it ok if we have differing perspectives on the same experience?"
After avoiding an answer, we finally agreed that indeed it was. We agreed to disagree on some things and respect that without being disagreeable. That may make life worth living
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zulumama
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« Reply #31 on: April 16, 2011, 07:09:28 AM » |
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These are all great responses, I feel peace about deciding to separate and I know that God's purpose is for me to heal by drawing closer to Him and by focussing on healing my relationship with my children, which has been damaged by all the energy spent coping with uBPD husband. I also hope that God will help me to respond to my husband with compassion and kindness.
Just another thought, I now realise why my husband struggles in his relationship with God. He thinks God does not have time for him and that he is not good enough. Can't attend church consistently either. I pray that this might be healed.
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firstperson
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« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2011, 04:44:26 PM » |
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I am just starting to see signs that the armor of bitterness is cracking. A new T has allowed my honest but confidential input
The separation has given my BPDw a chance to reflect on some problem areas
It's slow
Even though time away has inflamed the phobia of abandonment, it seems to have started the process of some self discovery. I pray this leads to better ways of relating ( I think it will)
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firstperson
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« Reply #33 on: May 03, 2011, 09:19:57 PM » |
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Today I pondered. This disease feels like it ruined my life. Is that possible. After taking on emotional torture all day, that's all that seems reasonable to conclude. So many people seem happy in second r/s to me. Right now it seems like a loss that is forever. Are there others with these type thoughts?
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