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Think About It... What is the biology of the break-up. Attachment styles that emerge early in life influence how people handle breakups later on—and how they react to them.. Those with a secure attachment style—whose caregivers, by being generally responsive, instilled a sense of trust that they would always be around when needed—are most likely to approach breakups with psychological integrity. ~ Skip
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Author Topic: What kind of friends to BPD women usually have?  (Read 6760 times)
Matthew_Taylor801
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« on: April 21, 2011, 01:22:30 PM »

I made an interesting observation about my ex and am thinking there may be a correlation. Her closest friend is a 21 year old girl who is a bit immature. the two of them go out drinking a lot and her friend really looks up to her for some reason.  SHe has another good friend who has a lot of emotional issues and can never make her own decisions and her life is a total mess and always goes to my ex for advice.  Its like she chooses friends who she can control or influence but doesnt necessarily practice what she preaches...anyway just an observation i made
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havana
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« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2011, 01:23:52 PM »

They have the non existant kind or they are hundreds of miles away.
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DragonHeart
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« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2011, 01:30:31 PM »

From my observations, the BPD female normally has a large number of male friends, more so than women. Time and time again, I hear the same story from everyone else -- that their BPDxgf found women to be too btchy, so that was their excuse for friending so many guys. However, if you closely observe the dynamics behind this, you will find that they don't really friend men, they like to have guys around them to constantly gas up their egos, and to always tease these attention givers. Also, they enjoy flirting with them to get their s/o's jealous. I don't know if they are aware that they are doing this, but that's exactly what they are doing.
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nwpbroke
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« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2011, 01:53:00 PM »

I made an interesting observation about my ex and am thinking there may be a correlation. Her closest friend is a 21 year old girl who is a bit immature. the two of them go out drinking a lot and her friend really looks up to her for some reason.  SHe has another good friend who has a lot of emotional issues and can never make her own decisions and her life is a total mess and always goes to my ex for advice.  Its like she chooses friends who she can control or influence but doesnt necessarily practice what she preaches...anyway just an observation i made

Mine was similar, but this friend was an epic slut, so i would consider her the enabler, forcing my "innocent" BPD girl to do bad things and hang around men ect.  But in the end she was just like this girl.
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TheSomberlain
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« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2011, 01:54:32 PM »

They have the non existant kind or they are hundreds of miles away.

I LOL'd (because it's true)

Though I think there needs to be a third category.

Trashy friends.
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nwpbroke
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« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2011, 01:58:57 PM »

They have the non existant kind or they are hundreds of miles away.

I LOL'd (because it's true)

Though I think there needs to be a third category.

Trashy friends.


yeah def trash or the good ones are from college, she would go visit them, but now i wonder if she was visiting dudes.  Man she played me, one time away took a picture of a penguin doll i bough her saying this is the only thing she would snuggle when she was away.


This whole experience has really jaded my view of the opposite sex, no offense to women, but alot of them can appear to be amazing people then have this soulless pit inside of them ready to devour you.
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TheSomberlain
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« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2011, 02:14:30 PM »

They have the non existant kind or they are hundreds of miles away.

I LOL'd (because it's true)

Though I think there needs to be a third category.

Trashy friends.


yeah def trash or the good ones are from college, she would go visit them, but now i wonder if she was visiting dudes.  Man she played me, one time away took a picture of a penguin doll i bough her saying this is the only thing she would snuggle when she was away.


This whole experience has really jaded my view of the opposite sex, no offense to women, but alot of them can appear to be amazing people then have this soulless pit inside of them ready to devour you.

In my experience, the "good ones" are short lived. Trust is a HUGE issue with BPDs and the people that they can't control are harder to trust. Ergo, their relationships decay quickly with people we would consider "good."
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nwpbroke
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« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2011, 02:34:16 PM »



In my experience, the "good ones" are short lived. Trust is a HUGE issue with BPDs and the people that they can't control are harder to trust. Ergo, their relationships decay quickly with people we would consider "good."


well her best friend from college came and visited and my ex had an episode and disappeared into the shower for a bit.  This gave me chance to talk to the friend.  Man did she fill me in, aobut how much she cheated on the victim before me, and how bad and controlling she would be.  Should of listened more carefully to the friend.  And yes its funny how the good ones come nad go, but it seemed they got painted black too.  Man all the answers where always infront of us.
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WalrusGumboot
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« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2011, 02:42:29 PM »

I have found that the friends that my stbxw had fell into two categories... other PD's or caretakers. I can tell right off which is which because the PD's will cling to each other and be best friends almost right away. The long term friendships she had with a few women were those with traits like mine, the caretaker types.
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xxostedd
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« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2011, 02:45:42 PM »

No friends, just playthings.
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AlexDP
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« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2011, 03:46:30 PM »


This whole experience has really jaded my view of the opposite sex, no offense to women, but alot of them can appear to be amazing people then have this soulless pit inside of them ready to devour you.

In terms of relationships a lot of women are used to getting whatever they want. They are never content and hop from one guy to another. I think that the way our society is set up it's easy for a lot of women to develop BPD traits.

I think that, in general, men are far more loyal and more able to appreciate what you do for them in the long run. It's as if women are more prone to only see things that have happened in the recent past. I don't mean to offend anyone on this forum and it's only a general perspective, but I do think the word of probably most women means little.
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DragonHeart
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« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2011, 03:51:04 PM »


This whole experience has really jaded my view of the opposite sex, no offense to women, but alot of them can appear to be amazing people then have this soulless pit inside of them ready to devour you.

In terms of relationships a lot of women are used to getting whatever they want. They are never content and hop from one guy to another. I think that the way our society is set up it's easy for a lot of women to develop BPD traits.

I think that, in general, men are far more loyal and more able to appreciate what you do for them in the long run. It's as if women are more prone to only see things that have happened in the recent past. I don't mean to offend anyone on this forum and it's only a general perspective, but I do think the word of probably most women means little.


I agree that society does churn out people who have traits considered to run parallel with BPD. My ex had this spoiled daddy's little rich girl attitude and felt entitled to do what she wanted and get what she wanted, at the detriment of others. It was horrible stuff to observe.
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Noob
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« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2011, 03:51:52 PM »

I do think the word of probably most women means little.


 shocked

WOW.
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AlexDP
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« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2011, 03:53:59 PM »

I do think the word of probably most women means little.


 shocked

WOW.

I'm a college student. Come on, Noob. Am I supposed to believe those girls?
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Noob
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« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2011, 03:55:27 PM »

I do think the word of probably most women means little.


 shocked

WOW.

I'm a college student. Come on, Noob. Am I supposed to believe those girls?

I can kinda see your point (same goes for many guys that age in my experience!), but you said "women"!
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AlexDP
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« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2011, 03:57:30 PM »

I do think the word of probably most women means little.


 shocked

WOW.

I'm a college student. Come on, Noob. Am I supposed to believe those girls?

I can kinda see your point (same goes for many guys that age in my experience!), but you said "women"!

Yeah.. well.. I don't think women are as loyal as men. Not even close. But that doesn't mean you're not loyal. It doesn't mean every man is loyal. But from a general perspective? Yes, I'm more likely to trust a man.
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Bluepanda

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« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2011, 04:21:39 PM »

They have the non existant kind or they are hundreds of miles away.

This is true for my ex, All her friends live miles away and only has contact with them online. Anyone she gets close to face to face gets painted black within a month
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kem


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« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2011, 04:34:45 PM »

From my observations, the BPD female normally has a large number of male friends, more so than women. Time and time again, I hear the same story from everyone else -- that their BPDxgf found women to be too btchy, so that was their excuse for friending so many guys. However, if you closely observe the dynamics behind this, you will find that they don't really friend men, they like to have guys around them to constantly gas up their egos, and to always tease these attention givers. Also, they enjoy flirting with them to get their s/o's jealous. I don't know if they are aware that they are doing this, but that's exactly what they are doing.

dragonheart - i think you're exactly right!  my exBPDgf had a majority of male friends and only a handful of female friends.  she even listed her "top 5" friends, which 4 out 5 was male, including her best friend (who was her ex in high school).  she would always tell me that she didn't get along with women or was harder for her to get along with women.  i do feel that all the men in her life, whether they were good friends or not, gave her the attention she desired and fed her ego and self-esteem.  some of the men in her life i didn't mind, but some made me uncomfortable.
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m772001
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« Reply #18 on: April 21, 2011, 04:54:07 PM »

Uh...none? Seriously there's hundreds of contacts in her phone...boil it down to three from work, one of which she says she despises, one from high school, and none that know her on more than a superficial level at all...
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tornadochaser
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« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2011, 04:59:21 PM »

My STBXW has a wide variety of 'friends.'   In her own words she has said that 'lot's of people know things about me, not a single person knows everything about me.'

I have come to believe that she mirrors whatever group she is around; the church ladies, the drunken sluts, the stay at home Mom's, the dysfunctional family.   She mirrors whomever she is around at the time, because she has no true sense of SELF.
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