8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder

[Think About It...]

Hello Leaving Board!

Article 9  Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder on the website has helped me heal, stay NC and accept BPD more than any other thing that I read (trust me, there has been a lot).  

We are getting closer to all 10 - thank you for those who have shared thus far.  

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder  [Read original text here]

"We often think that by holding back or depriving our “BPD” partner of “our love” – that they will “see the light”. We base this on all the times our partner expressed how special we were and how incredible the relationship was.

Absence may makes the heart grow fonder when a relationship is healthy – but this is often not the case when the relationship is breaking down.

People with BPD traits often have object constancy issues – “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the “BPD” partner (as described in #4).

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder."

For me, the separation allowed me some clarity and in that clarity, I was able to recharge my batteries.  Being married, I did not think it an option to leave, so that was not my focus during our separations.
I travel a lot with work and I can look back and see how so much of the acting out behaviour was triggered during these times.  I didn't know why, but this false belief really helped me see how my job was a problem in our relationship.


What do you all think of this false belief and how did it apply to your relationship?


More information
Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder
1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness
2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel
3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance
4) Belief that love can prevail
5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"
6) Clinging to the words that were said
7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard
8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder
9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.
10) Belief that they have seen the light

[seeking balance]

Hello Leaving Board!

Article 9  Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder on the website has helped me heal, stay NC and accept BPD more than any other thing that I read (trust me, there has been a lot).  

We are getting closer to all 10 - thank you for those who have shared thus far.  

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder  [Read original text here]

"We often think that by holding back or depriving our “BPD” partner of “our love” – that they will “see the light”. We base this on all the times our partner expressed how special we were and how incredible the relationship was.

Absence may makes the heart grow fonder when a relationship is healthy – but this is often not the case when the relationship is breaking down.

People with BPD traits often have object constancy issues – “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the “BPD” partner (as described in #4).

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder."

For me, the separation allowed me some clarity and in that clarity, I was able to recharge my batteries.  Being married, I did not think it an option to leave, so that was not my focus during our separations.
I travel a lot with work and I can look back and see how so much of the acting out behaviour was triggered during these times.  I didn't know why, but this false belief really helped me see how my job was a problem in our relationship.


What do you all think of this false belief and how did it apply to your relationship?


More information
Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder
1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness
2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel
3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance
4) Belief that love can prevail
5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"
6) Clinging to the words that were said
7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard
8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder
9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.
10) Belief that they have seen the light

[SunflowerFields]

Honestly, when I first read that, months ago, it made me feel terribly sad and depressed.

Not sure if it had much of an impact to my detachment process, other than knowing that I'm sure ex has moved on by now.

[Jaybird]

This was true in my case.  The detachment my stbx seemed to feel early into our divorce process was hard for me.  I as hurting terribly and he was getting on with his life as if our 31 years of marriage meant nothing to him.  Stbxh seemed pretty pleased with himself that he was over me and feeling good about life even though his T warned him that the emotions would come later. 

I was used to my H chasing me and wanting to spend all his time with me (can you say enmeshment  ).  To see him do an about face was unexpected and hurtful.  Secretly I thought his fear of abandonment would keep him from seriously considering divorce.

So absolutely, absence made his heart grow colder.  I deal with it by attributing this to his mental illness and not taking it personally.

[openminder]

I've come to the realization that striking a balance between detaching and giving love and validation is the way to go, even if distance is required.

Most abandonment issues come from (very) early childhood. So image that you, as a distancing partner, is in fact seen as playing the role of the distancing parent by the pwBPD. A loving parent would probably call the child every day, perhaps more often en offer loving and comforting words.
The child wants validation, comfort and security in love. So does the pwBPD.

If you are truly

not taking it personally

and can detach in that way, offering love and validation freely (without consideration of the reaction) is the way to go.

Like AlexDP mentioned, considering their rebound in thinking, it is too simple to consider this 'out-of-sight is out-of-mind'. It is more a defense mechanism for survival.
Out-of-sight is forcing them to search for comfort and love elsewhere and you are banished as an unloving parent. Not forgotten, but isolated/dissociated from their feelings, because of the sheer pain the separation and denial of love and validation causes.

Playing the push/pull game is something they may do, but if you play along thinking the game is like 'normal' people play, you are mistaken. The push/pull is a boundary test of your love for them.
"Are you still there and do you still love me even if I push you away?"

At least, that's my take on this...

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[sea5045]

As you all know, mine moved to Chicago for a job and began acting out alot of this long distance.
However, the year before bc she wasn't working, I was anxious and began working a second job, my regular job, and went to school a couple of times per week. I believe this all was perceived as abandonment, also some jealousy bc she could not find a job, in July she was calling me her cheerleader when I drove with her to an interview, by January I was a persecutor. 

I found this website and I too thought once she got a job things would settle down and maybe we could find a way, but then I saw this myth and thank goodness. She has moved on as well and completely focused on getting her needs met, anyway, my heart has grown colder as well. So the long distance works well for me.

[Crystal Ball]

I think #8 is correct immediately after a break up, but that anything can trigger them to change.  I broke up with my uBPDxbf which certainly put me in the black.  Seven months of very LC, he contacts my best friend out of desparation to find out how the kids and I are doing ~ practically begging her to tell him if we were OK.  She didn't respond, so he texted me.  When I didn't respond he had his best friend text me. I kept NC, but what caused the sudden interest in my well-being I'll never know.  Why he painted me from black to white (I guess) when we are not even communicating is a mystery.  I think this scenero happens often and is why us nons will get contacted months or even years down the road.  I don't believe it's our 'absence' that makes them fond of us or not, it's something in their life that triggers them to react and change their mind from one stance to another that really doesn't have anything to do with 'us'.

[sea5045]

I think #8 is correct immediately after a break up, but that anything can trigger them to change.  I broke up with my uBPDxbf which certainly put me in the black.  Seven months of very LC, he contacts my best friend out of desparation to find out how the kids and I are doing ~ practically begging her to tell him if we were OK.  She didn't respond, so he texted me.  When I didn't respond he had his best friend text me. I kept NC, but what caused the sudden interest in my well-being I'll never know.  Why he painted me from black to white (I guess) when we are not even communicating is a mystery.  I think this scenero happens often and is why us nons will get contacted months or even years down the road.  I don't believe it's our 'absence' that makes them fond of us or not, it's something in their life that triggers them to react and change their mind from one stance to another that really doesn't have anything to do with 'us'.

So that's exactly what happened to me, I got text and my friend got text with Are you and your family ok? at 4:30 AM, I figured it was some weird reaction to having been here the weekend before and not seeing me, or contacting me...turns out it was guilt visiting my family friend. 

[WhiteDoe]

Hello Leaving Board!
We are getting closer to all 10 - thank you for those who have shared thus far. 

The single piece of information that helped me understand my part of this rollercoaster ride is this article.
Article 9 - http://www.BPDfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder

We often think that by holding back or depriving our BPD partner of “our love” - that they will “see the light”. We base this on all the times our partner expressed a fear that we would leave and how they needed us.

During an actual break-up it is different. Distancing triggers all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the BPD partner (as described in #4).

People with BPD also have real object constancy issues - “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder.

For me, the separation allowed me some clarity and in that clarity, I was able to recharge my batteries.  Being married, I did not think it an option to leave, so that was not my focus during our separations.
I travel a lot with work and I can look back and see how so much of the acting out behaviour was triggered during these times.  I didn't know why, but this false belief really helped me see how my job was a problem in our relationship.

What do you all think of this false belief and how did it apply to your relationship?

I also travel a good bit and only regret not even knowing about BPD much less that my exbf suffered from this mental illness. I used to tell him that I thought he "derailed" and "forgot about us" when we were apart for periods of time... Aghh... How was to know that he was literally "forgetting" me, our love for each other during my trips overseas? When we were together physically, he was wonderful, loving as if I we were never apart... but when I was away, he always "distanced himself" as time passed on and we were away from each ... This baffled me as I missed him terribly and couldn't wait to see him again? It just didn't make any sense to me... until I came to know about BPD?

This #8 is horrifically painful for me to accept... It also "confuses me" as I am not sure what is even "normal' anymore? Is it normal to "dump" someone out of nowhere and "forget" the love, all the time spent, the dreams for future, etc..? Is it "normal" for the heart to "grow colder" like this with nonBPDs? In other relationship breakups (it's been a long time now, but?) I never remember being treated as "out of sight, out of mind"... It was sad and took some time to get over but... but, I sincerely don't ever remember hurting as deeply as I do now and feeling so utterly confused... I guess I'm completed lost and "all over the place" with all of this BPD stuff... I'm trying to accept this, however, I truly am... Thank you very much for this post. I needed to remember this...

[m772001]

"People with BPD also have real object constancy issues - “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder."

Mine is still stalking me and has been since Jan, honestly I dont see it stoping. 40, broke, 5 kids by four dads and knows I bought a ring last christmas before things blew up? I'm in a pickle here...

[luckystrikes]

i'll second or ninth the notion that the object constancy issues definitely exist, but weirdly vary.

my ex had perceived that i'd abandoned her, and i hardly saw her over the next two months. meanwhile she was installing my replacement. somewhere in the middle of it i'd gotten us concert tickets, and we spent two long weekends in a row together and had a great time and no fighting. she was talking in a text about what a "privilege" it was (she wasn't being sarcastic) to see so much of me. this sounded odd at the time. sure we hadn't seen that much of each other lately, but this seemed pretty normal to me. i didn't notice anything at the time, but i suspect if i went back in time as a fly on the wall, things might have seemed "different". i think i remember her thinking something was up with me or wrong with me when i first arrived. she told me when i left she felt she had fallen even more in love with me. i think she was "remembering" me. after this i repeatedly had to decline spending time with her. then she got sick. then she turned very, very distant. then we had a fight, and the "break up" conversation.

what's ironic about this "false belief" is that this was one of the repeating themes that actually ran through my head during our relationship. it's something i thought in my own mind. it's something i told her when she couldn't seem to understand the concept of us having some solitude and alone time rather than staying cooped up for 4 or 5 days. it was a concept i think she understood in general. but not with me. she always interpreted it as "i needed to get away from her". i did "break up with her" all of those times, not consciously, but at least partially in an effort to make her finally truly see and understand the damage she would do in her rages or episodes. never seeming to mean it doesn't exactly teach learned behavior.

immediate absence, i think, tends to make their hearts grow the fondest. we'd spend 5 days together, and might be at each other's throats, we might have fought constantly. but she had the hardest time tearing herself away, leaving on her own, or letting me leave. i always felt badly doing so. we'd always try to arrange for a friend to come over when i was leaving. i recall one time that just broke my heart. i was working tough hours (for me, because they were early, and im always up late) so i wasn't spending the night. i'd stay with her until she fell asleep then i'd drive home. one of the first nights we tried that, she fell asleep while i was having a cigarette, so i left. she woke up. didn't realize i'd left. looked around her apartment for me expecting/hoping to find me. realized i was gone. i didn't have my cell phone on me so she couldn't call or text me. this made her cry. still makes me sad to think that anyone would feel that way.

lets see. i actually had a specific memory today that i think has to do with the object constancy...or atleast going from black to white. she was always really into my drumming. we had one of our first fights real real early on. she was raging. when she snapped out of it and we were making up she said in a cutesy way/voice "i forgot you play the drums!" and she told me (half seriously) that if she ever gets mad or pissed off at me just remind her that i play the drums. i think this was an illustration of "remembering" me. she didn't literally forget i played the drums. it was "its like i forgot how i actually feel about you and i remember again!" or atleast that's how i see it.

but having her invade my privacy and get into my email account for over two months after our breakup, and nearly three months of not having seen her, WHILE she's with the new guy contradicts those object constancy issues. so does all of the stalking members here describe, and all of the reengaging, some of it really long term. surely they don't seem to forget us.

[LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel]

What do i think of this? - Devastated..

having a conversation at work today and the new girl asked me if i was in a relationship.. automatically i say yes.. *catch myself* and explain how we are apart at the moment etc.

Not wanting to discuss my personal business at work i try and change the subject.. she comes out with " Absence makes the heart grow fonder and how she thinks the space would make him miss me more"

Cue her telling me about her husband who ironically has the same name as BPD.. and outlining there seemingly healthy relationship. Me and her are the same age...i look at my life.. and hers.. very similar.. except for having a healthy partner.

In normal settings... maybe.. but we are dealing with BPD here... as i walked for lunch.. i got very emotional about this thought.. Absence makes the heart grow colder?... but how? after 2 years?

Ticking on to 5pm here in the UK.. and for once.. im dreading the weekend  
 

[Marcie]

This myth kept me stuck in the relationship a lot longer than I wish I would have. I so wish I would have found this site 2 years in like you Lightattheendofthetunnel.

I would break up with him and not talk to him and a few weeks or months later he would call me and I would think that he finally go it. I would think that my absence finally made him see what he was missing out on.

[LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel]

This myth kept me stuck in the relationship a lot longer than I wish I would have. I so wish I would have found this site 2 years in like you Lightattheendofthetunnel.

I would break up with him and not talk to him and a few weeks or months later he would call me and I would think that he finally go it. I would think that my absence finally made him see what he was missing out on.

You know a part of me Marcie still wishes he would miss me and come to his senses

[waiflovehurts]

This devastates me too.  Before I realized she was BPD waif I told her if she is already falling in love a week after professing her love to me then her love wasn't deep.  She said she is with someone new but still hurting but I don't believe her.  I've gone NC and just one text in 7 days (we used to text every day).  So I think she only thinks of me when her new girlfriend isn't filling her up to the top with attention.  After we broke up she begged me to come and see her and reconnect.  I wonder if she thought she'd fade from my mind if I didn't see her?  To think that she is not missing me is excruciating.  And makes me feel like the earth is moving under my feet - I feel so shaken up, like it makes me question what I thought was real...

[newworld]

"Object constancy" is a developmental milestone in every human brain. It means that it is difficult for someone who has not reached this milestone to understand that certain things remain "constant" - the sun always rises, breakfast is always at 7, the people around them love them just like they did yesterday,etc.

If someone doesn't reach this milestone how is this related to, or "confirmation" that pwBPD "can not see humanity" in others?

babies know their mothers are human, but they don't know that mommy isn't REALLY magically gone during peek a boo. That's why peek a boo is FUN!...until it isn't.  It's a game of object constancy.

Or is it a marker of a disease known for it's stunted developmental milestones?


-------------------------

I used to move on with my life during the weeks long bouts of silent treatment and ignoring...and I noticed too that the longer we were apart, the more he "forgot" who I was to him. The more he could "split me black", and my being away ratcheted up the trust issues multiplefold - even thought he was the one who would "start it" and not be around me, only to return with accuastions.

After a lot of thinking about it, I realized that I used to stay around him becsaue if I didn't, things would worsen. I was "trying to control the sitution" by being around him and good to him - like that could prevent "the absence". That's just plan unhelpful.

All of that absence put oceans between us - and that might be a good thing- it definately is right now.

[luckystrikes]

from everything i gather, borderlines can't seem to sustain feelings of just about any kind. they can't sustain happiness, they can't sustain seem to sustain love, they can't seem to sustain relationships, they can't sustain feelings of security/safety. they can't sustain an identity. on the other hand, they often can't sustain the black they paint us with.

i have a few experiences of my own, and some of the things i've read here gave me some mental pictures.

i can't recall when exactly it was, but it was fairly early on in our relationship when my ex was speaking about her first ex. she was speaking very plainly about her bad behavior and the terrible ways she treated him. she said she honestly couldn't figure out why/how he even liked her. a couple of months ago, i read something laowho posted about written by gunderson about the 3 levels of emotion in a borderline, and it spoke of the moments of clarity they have when they're forming new attachments. it said essentially they can look back and see their role, in more words. i believe that is what she was doing. our attachment was new. i can also recall around this time what i suspect was a MAJOR fib. her first boyfriend played the keys. she pulled out this cd, and put it in, claiming that this recording was in fact her, in a moment of prodigious virtuosity, playing as if possessed. i KNEW that was bs as soon as i heard it. i also play keys, and i've seen her at a keyboard. what she told was a whopper. i forget how i put it all together, but im 99% positive that it was a recording of her boyfriend, very likely made to soothe her at night when she tends to get all lonely/clingy. this is a weird thing to do, i think. but i'll bet lots and lots of borderlines engage in this behavior. i think many of them try to "remember" us because of these object constancy issues. in some ways i think that constitutes "missing".

so i think they have moments of clarity, so to speak. and maybe not even REAL full clarity. but insight into themselves, at least. most of these people have some of that, some more than others. i think plenty of them have moments where they "miss" us, however you want to define that word. long for us in some way. another member once posted about believing that at some point the borderline may be inundated by feelings for, or about us, that have been repressed. the pain resurfacing so to speak. i can really picture that in the case of my recent ex. i think there's a whole lot going on there. i suspect they may have some of the same kinds of dreams we have at some point. whether they try to not to think of us or not, or whether they succeed or not, i don't think they typically "forget us" by any means. think how many reengage, or even stalk. all kinds of things can trigger fond memories they have of us that could cause them to want to connect with us at any time.

but the point that im trying to get to, is that even these moments of clarity aren't sustainable. missing us isn't sustainable. feelings of and for of us aren't sustainable. your ex may well have "come to his senses and missed you" and he may have done it 1000 times. but if so, what has he done about it? it's my general answer to whether or not borderlines love us, or how they love us. sure, maybe they do, maybe they don't, but what is apparent to me is that they can't sustain it.

[luckystrikes]

i read some stories on here recently in a thread about the subject. several stories about BPD partners borrowing articles of clothing when they were going to be separated from their partner for a period of time, and sleeping with them. one even broke up with their partner when the shirt lost its smell. i think that's what my ex was doing with all the stuffed animals i gave her, wearing the clothes i'd leave over, watching my shows when i wasn't there, that kinda thing. i do not think it literally means they FORGET us, or anything, but rather that they have difficulty really conjuring us up. im damn near quoting, and i forget who, but essentially the idea is when normal people are lonely, they can conjure up images and feelings of loved ones and get some warmth from that, so to speak, and remember that they are loved. borderlines can't do this. i don't know if they try and fail, or if they just can't. i think they try and fail, and this frightens them. this, i think, also explains the stories i've read on here about BPDs saying they felt like they should feel bad, or wanting to cry, but feeling nothing, after a break up. i don't think it's every case, and i don't think it's permanent, but i suspect it's a phase most experience. it is also, in my opinion, one of the primary things that causes them to reengage.

do you know anybody you see often, or used to see a lot of, but have trouble picturing their face, for example? i think it's a lot like this, but to a more profound degree. it doesn't mean they forget us.

the absence makes the heart grow fonder/colder thing works both ways. absence absolutely made my exes heart grow fonder, WAY too fond. the second i was gone, the i miss yous started. however, toward the end, when she was lining up the new guy, we'd been "absent" a while. then saw quite a bit of each other for about 2 weeks straight, and she told me she was falling in love with me all over again. then we were snowed in and i didn't see her for another month or so. at first the absence made her heart fond. then it made it cold. then it's like i was completely out of mind. then she became very, very distant, and then the whole thing blew up. again, it works both ways. borderlines are desperate for the attachment to us when separated. but if separated for too long, i suspect, they MUST cling to a new attachment.

Does this mean the forget about us as easy as losing sight of a toy? in some cases, maybe. like if you date a borderline in high school, and they go through lots of relationships, then sure. i do think every case varies. some were more significant to their borderlines than others. you're onto something with the toy analogy. a young child does get distracted and runs to a new toy. sometimes the toy lasts a while. sometimes it's tossed aside quickly. a child may come back to a toy. a child has it's favorite toys. some endure, some do not. some a child keeps coming back to again and again. some a child remembers or even keeps around all of their life. so yeah, i think honestly most of them can experience that at least temporarily. significance of the toy plays a role though. and they don't build em like they build me  

Does the mean they don't hurt when we end the relationship? no. not at all. but that doesn't mean they can't find something to temporarily soothe the pain, or dissociate from the pain.

Does this mean they don't miss people? i think they "long" for people, for one reason or another. you might call it missing. my ex told people (all of her attachments) "i miss you" ALL the damn time. in fact it was down right her thing. i guess going back to the toy analogy, does a child "miss" a toy? it certainly longs for it. it recalls fond memories with it. something brings that urge to reconnect with the toy again.

WTH are they feeling if anything after a break up? this completely depends on the person and the circumstances, and whatever given moment one would gauge what they're feeling. it can range from a profound nothing to "a lot". add in a dash of core trauma though to whatever they're feeling or not feeling.

Does this mean that they don't pine over memories? the one thing i wonder and don't know the answer to is how they associate with inanimate objects that remind them of us. they have memories. "pine" over them i think depends again on the person, and how you define it. they can have memories and feelings and long for the memory though, i think.

it's complicated, and honestly it's easier for me to put into words than it is to understand it. i don't lack object constancy, so i can't really know what its like or what it means to not "recall" someone, if they don't forget us, and if they have memories of us.

[Zena321]

I wonder this mine walked on me but we talked on the phone every night for hours and saw each other every weekend for 2 and a half years  then he said lets no talk on the phone or see each other a couple weeks I want to see if I miss you . Wel he said he didn't it was like WHATTTTT and thats when it was officially done he moved on and I was totally devasted and left again for good ...And my replacement was found a few months later like I never existed.Ater 8 years.

So their hearts seem to grow cold very very easily he always claimed he couldn't put himself in my shoes when I asked him to at least try somewhat...Not an ounce of empathy..

[gettingoverit]

I am convinced that my ex does not think about or miss me in the least. Why would she? I was the reason why she was so unhappy and miserable right? I was the one that emotionally abused her and psychologically scarred her right? Why would you miss someone like that? Lets not forget that when these vipers split with us, they paint us black, tell horrible lies about us to gain sympathy (because we can not forget they are ALWAYS the victim), and more often than not have someone new in their beds before the dust settles.

My ex broke up with me and days later was screwing the neighbor. The reason why absence makes the heart grow colder is because they have moved on to someone new. You mean nothing to them anymore, you have served your purpose, you are past your expiry date, in the garbage you go along with the rest of the trash. In order to miss someone you actually have to have feelings that go beyond yourself. Have you ever noticed that BPD's are so self absorbed? It is all about how they FEEL all the time. What your feelings or needs are, are not as important as their needs and feelings. It will always be that way. Finally we have to remember these people are mentally ill (I prefer evil, but I digress), they don't think like normal people, they don't feel like normal people, they definitely don't see the world like normal people, and unlike normal people have no capacity to love beyond what they can ultimately get out of it. Out of sight, out of mind. That is how it works with these wretches for human beings. I would have more sympathy if they would be willing to seek help, but as this support group proves, most of them don't and we as the TRUE victims have to deal with the fall out and destruction they have left in our lives. They all can go to hell.

[momof5lovlies]

It is heartbreaking realizing this especially when you had hoped that they would remember how good you were to them and want to come back. However, I know it is a gift that they don't but it is hurtful. I wonder do you think they forget their children as time goes by? Mine loved his son but since he has left calls less and has not made one attempt to see him in 10 weeks. This was his son that he said was his life. Any thoughts?