A Snapshot of our Relationships & Goals

[Think About It...]

What type of relationship are you in?

Years together:
Age:
Married:
Children/ages:
Living Together:
How Many Times Have You Broken Up:
Sexual Orientation:

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?


What do you like most about your partner?


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?


What do you find most difficult?


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

[Skip]

What type of relationship are you in?

Years together:
Age:
Married:
Children/ages:
Living Together:
How Many Times Have You Broken Up:
Sexual Orientation:

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?


What do you like most about your partner?


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?


What do you find most difficult?


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

[dados76]

What type of relationship are you in?

R, L, me, two kids, one house, living together
Our relationship is open... pretty comfortably... something really only possible w/R being more stable.
R is 23  I'm 34  L is 28   Kids are 6 and 4.
I'm gay.  L is straight. R is whatever he is - gay w/exceptions.
Havent broken up since we've been dating..
I known R for about 6 years. together for 3.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
bc were family.. i love him and i love our lives together..


What do you like most about your partner?
hes kind.. openminded.. funny.. huge capacity for love.. opinionated and stubborn.. but really willing to just let other people live. hes the best.. strongest person i know..

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
communication.. always something to be working on.. balancing busy lives w/making enough time for everybody.

What do you find most difficult?
explaining that things are cool..


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
was dxBPD/paranoid pd.. isnt anymore.. 'just' ocd and ptsd now. and sorting thru his own family issues..


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
recovering codependent..

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
R has been in T.. dbt for the last few years.. far as i understand.. more talk therapy.. less homework for him lately.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
tbh.. not sure. i learned a lot abt validation/boundaries here.. hopefully can share some of that.. or just to be able to say people w/BPD can get better.. just a helluva lot of work to do it..

[1bravegirl]

What type of relationship are you in?
Years together? 27  
Age?47 and him 49
Married? yes
Children/ages? no children, only animals... a husky a shepherd/chow mix and 3 feline friends..   all in one house..
How Many Times Have You Broken Up? 2 times, once for a year in 97 and once for 2 yrs 4-09 till 1-11

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I love him and my husband has made big strides this last separation, especially the changes in his ability to open up and communicate due to stopping all drugs.. we have a long history together and a good life when we are in sync with each other.

What do you like most about your partner?
His caring ways, he loves to take care of us and he can be very nuturing and funny, he loves animals and has a big heart.   He loves people as well and when he feels needed, he really rises to the occasion and offers his support.

He has many strengths that only recently has he been able to truly sharpen and let them come to the fore and appreciate.

I really love his cooking!  He cooks every night and I wouldn't even try to cook now since he is so good at what he does!  I tell him all the time too..    

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
 the past traumatic events have come up recently and posed some issues of trust and forgiveness and understanding what is what.    

What do you find most difficult?  
Learning to share my dwelling area again..  but the good from it is starting to outweigh the missed freedom of being alone..

How would you categorize your partner?
total BPD traits and some OCD traits..

How would you categorize yourself?
good question.   in recovery from PTSD and isolation disorder.  finding myself again and things looking very promising..

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
yes, I am in Therapy, with my Psychiatrist, and a Psychologist and a counselor.. yep..  guilty as charged.. and my H will join me in the counseling after a month..  

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
What my goals are from the board is to continue to receive and give support and learn as much as I can about what will help me in this journey of stability and overall health.

Thanks Skippy!  1bg

[octopus]

What type of relationship are you in?

Business Partner of 6 years - last 3 very closely affiliated to grow our business of Equestrian Centre & training/developing riders & horses.  
Really cared for & loved her initially and respect enormously her successes in this field. Have been married for 24 years with no children but husband very supportive of my dreams/goals.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Business is growing & I love it and need it (financially very committed).  Also, thought she was like a soulmate initially.

What do you like most about your partner?
Incredibly empathic

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Dysregulations especially when she confronts me in earshot of staff or clients and manipulation

What do you find most difficult?
Not knowing when I am being manipulated versus what is true business or relationship driven requests

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD

How would you categorize yourself?
Codependent

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
no

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
to perfect tools that will make me abetter person such as Boudnary setting & SET

[Mrs Borderline]

What type of relationship are you in?

Years together? 7
Age Me54 H46
Married 23 mos
Children/ages? ss21
Living Together? Did bm 2yrs
How Many Times Have You Broken Up? since M -1 (now 107 days+) 

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Love of God & H

What do you like most about your partner?
Now: H is intelligent, fun to travel with, Sports fan, romantic, passionate lover, a true gentleman: always opens doors for me, protective and affectionate.  He cooks and pampers me more often than not.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
BPD, Financial stress, communication, Trust, insecurity, jealousy...

What do you find most difficult?
Living apart, BPD

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
undiagnoised BPD

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Codependent

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Not since 2007

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
[/quote] To understand and learn how to cope and relate in a loving manner

[needbpdhelp]

What type of relationship are you in? (Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? Howe Many Times Have You Broekn Up? Sexual Orientation?) 
Married 18 years. I have four grown children, she has three. We have been separated for 9 months. Broken up four times. Straight

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?  I love my wife very much. If we can just learn to communicate and negotiate without the sudden dysregulation we will have a great marriage.

What do you like most about your partner? 
She is very intelligent, has high moral standards, is witty, a very good teacher and compassionate and dedicated to her students. She is very sensitive, which is a double edged sword - good as to sensitivity for others, bad as to personal sensitivity, causing defensiveness and dysregulation.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Money management. Recovering from financial loss due to my heart transplant - medical expenses, loss of my income resulting in our home forclosure and our inability to discuss anything dealing with money in a calm way. My w's denial about BPD, and self medicating with prescription drugs and alcohol. My w's sudden dysregulation accompanied by inaccurate memories and sense of reality. My need to fix things/her - working hard on that.

What do you find most difficult?
Learning to live with and be happy in a relationship with a very difficult personality match. Letting the conflict go without resolution in many cases.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD, Clinical Depression, maybe PTS

How would you categorize yourself? (NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
ADD

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
W is in T for Depression and in denial about previous diagnoses - 10 years ago - for BPD. CBT therapy seems to be helping. I am in T to see if I can improve my own communication skills with W.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Learn BPD coping skills, and how to help gently lead my W into beneficial therapy without her feeling accused of being a defective person with a mental illness. Learn how to improve my own communication, validation, and unconditional acceptance skills.

[MaybeSo]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? Howe Many Times Have You Broekn Up? Sexual Orientation?)
\
Been together 5 years in committed r/s, living together for the last 2 plus years.  We broke up several times during our first two years together.  We are in our late 40s, both professionals, heterosexual, blended family...both of us had one prior long term marriage.  


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

It is working.  We turned a corner about two years ago.  


What do you like most about your partner?

We have a lot in common, we connect, we enjoy each other's company, and our relationship is a priority to both of us.  He is funny and smart and I love him.  We have good chemistry also.


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

Not too many anymore.  We are a 'High Conflict Couple' that have learned a lot of skills to help us have a very workable relationship.  We both have to use our skills, and we have gotten pretty good at it, so that it is mostly automatic, but still there are times when we have to 'work it'.


What do you find most difficult?

The most difficult was the first two years when I didn't understand what was happening with my partner.  Today, hmmm...I guess when we slip back into old stuff, that is the most difficult, but it doens't happen very much anymore.


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

BPD and NPD traits, along with being a very nice person.
Also, I think we both have BPD traits, though I think his was more pronounced.


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

Some BPD traits when distressed that show up around abandonment fears/trust,  and some codependent stuff.


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

I see my own T and have for a long time for personal and professional reasons.   He does his own T, too.  He works with a DBT T one on one, but he has a Jungian T too.


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

To keep learning and growing and to offer help where I can for folks in similar situations.

[starcrossed]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

In september we have our one-year anniversary
I'm 19, she is 26
We live 11000 km apart
None
I'm gay and she's queer.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I see a future for us,
We are worth it all,
I love her,
She's amazing

What do you like most about your partner?
She has a great deal of humour, empathy (shes very gentle), intelligence, these nerdy quirks, passion for little things (which is just adorable) and the cultural differences between us means I'm always learning to see things from a new perpective. She is basically my opposite. Like the flip of a coin.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship??
Her suicidal threats, my tendency to ignore (my own) problems, the fact that she has another girlfriend (my jealously and hurt, her guilt). 

What do you find most difficult?
The fact that we are so far apart

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD, depression,

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Depressed with social anxiety disorder, obsessive thoughts and possibly bipolar.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
She was, but stopped, so currently only I am.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Find tools to perfect our relationship, deal with the conflicts, understand her more and talk with people who gets what Im going through.

[hotapollo]

What type of relationship are you in?
Married
Years together? two years
Age? Im 36 and she is 31
Married? ?Yes for 18 months
Children/ages? No
Living Together? yes
How Many Times Have You Broken Up? none yet
Sexual Orientation? Predominantly straight.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I think I love her. She has been a huge part of my life the last two years. She has been a good attentive companion. She is socially fun. I can talk to her about almost anything.

What do you like most about your partner?
She is smart, good looking.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
I do not get the stability (emotional understanding or nurturing) from my relationship. It does not seem to give me a sense of peace or growth.

What do you find most difficult?
Her splitting into an argumantative b***h or a clingy toddler.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD Diagnosed by interview and I strongly suspect Anti social personality (she has lied, stole and cheated)

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
I think I have NPD traits, I do have co-dependent issues. At times I do have some self esteem issues and now Im soon going to enter depression.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
No access to therapy

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
1. tO try to understand why my marraige is dsyfunctional.
2. to see if I can help change it
3. To evaluate the future of my relationship.

[Split]

What type of relationship are you in?
Years together? 7yrs
Age? I'm 42, she Is 32
Married? 6yrs
Children/ages? I have a 21 yr daughter, 18 yr son, 15yr son from first marriage, she has a 10 yr daughter from an affair in her first marriage, and we have a 17 month old daughter
Living Together? no (part time) couple days a week (T suggestion)
How Many Times Have You Broken Up? 15 times
Sexual Orientation?) Straight

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Well first of all I love her, when times are good they are great. I want our family to be normal, I don't want our daughter to grow up in a broken home. I seen what it did to my children of my first marraige. *they hated me from what they were told by their mother.

What do you like most about your partner?
Her sense of humor at times. I respect the fact that she admits her problem and is seeking help

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
mhow she feels about my relationship with my children. her paranoid behavor.
I don't get much from the relationship.

What do you find most difficult?
her mood swings

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD...thats what her test  says she it.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Depressed...tired...of looking for peace

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
both of us are in therapy

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Looking for support...education ...  ideas to make this work

[Steph]

What type of relationship are you in?
Together almost 10, married almost 9.
He has 3 kids, I have 2, 4 grandkids.
Separated x 1 for almost a year.
Bi.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Its working and its amazing.

What do you like most about your partner?
His brilliant mind and his ability to be creative, funny and adventurous

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Right now, its about structuring time together enough with being really busy.

What do you find most difficult?
See above

How would you categorize your partner?
Recovered BPD. No traits at all now. Previously rageful, Dissociative,suicidal ideation and attempts, manipulative and emotionally and verbally abusive

How would you categorize yourself?
A Recovering codependant with tendancies to anxiety

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
NO longer..he had DBT, I had T and we had MC with DBT slants, and I had family oriented dbt,.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To share, to support and learn

[Sir5r]

What type of relationship are you in?
We are a married couple, known each other for 25 years and married 23.
We have been together all the years except the last because our therapist has me moving out when we argue and having varying degrees of contact.
We have 3 children (17,16 and 14).
We are both straight.  

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
There was a time we where a great couple and my wife is an amazing person when she isn't having apparent BPD issues,  we have been through a lot together from the best in life to the worst and we survived that.  This is a big challenge for us and because I believe we really love each other we can make it work.

What do you like most about your partner?
There is a genuine caring side to her, she is very in tune to others feelings when she isn't emotionally aroused.  She is exceptionally pretty but doesn't think she is, it's a self esteem issue but she never acted full of herself.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
My resentment, which became anger and now has faded into acceptance. I still have issues with that but I am self aware at least.  My wife is trying but I have little patience left, I need to work on that. We are both frustrated with the lack of intimacy but her perception of intimacy is not what it used to be,  we have discussed it and we're working on it.

What do you find most difficult?
Keeping my mouth shut during her verbal BPD driven assaults. I know responding like that just re-enforces her negative behavior and I'm working on that.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
High functioning Borderline with obsessive-compulsive disorder.  Histrionic when she wants to pull me back after raging.  If that doesn't work she gets verbally, emotionally then physically abusive.  She has been much less of this lately with the CBT.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
I am mild ADD (as per therapist) and codependent. I am really to good at avoiding conflict and I have been working on that.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
We both are in therapy CBT now and later maybe DBT.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To learn as much as I can about BPD and learn from others what has and has not worked for them.  Also to let others know they're not alone! I thought I was for too long.

[harmony1]

What type of relationship are you in?

12 years together..currently legally separated...two boys from previous marriage 19 and 17..recycled countless times pretty much our entire time together...heterosexual couple

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I care about him deeply..not sure why..we have alot in common when he isnt dysregulated

What do you like most about your partner?
He has made small changes over the years to better himself...I can respect that

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
I can no longer live with him..he makes life difficult..he wants everything his way or he rages..I am not able to ask for what I want or ask for a compromise for a win win solution...if I don't go along...all hell breaks loose and he breaks my home and things

What do you find most difficult?
Radical acceptance..wondering why he cant see he is hurting himself..his reckless choices that have made living with him unbearable..financially and emotionally...he doesn't see I am on his side..I am the enemy

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD/aspd and heavy npd

How would you categorize yourself?
Dependent personality...working on that done a lot of therapy in why I am dependent...moving out is a big step for me...had to do an exercise though in therapy...how is he reliable and such..what am I getting out of it?  when I answered these questions..I realized I do everything for myself..can rely on him for zero help, zero support (emotional ) and if I stay a great chance that I will be physically injured and financially go down with his ship

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Ongoing therapy..once a week..for years

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To help others..especially those who are in dv situations..I did not realize for year that I was a victim of dv...then I got help..it is hard to make that first call and admit it to a counselor..saying it out loud..even dialing the phone and admitting this...is well the first step out of getting out of your own denial

[Lost in Wonderland]

What type of relationship are you in?

We've been together 5 years -(NOT MARRIED,neither of uswant to get married). , Known for 18yrs,
live together have S1 my boys live with us S13, S10..
He has 3 sons who live with their mothers S14,S11,S7...(what a troop huh?) ... We've never "broken up"

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
On days I feel stong and healthy, I wonder...  ?
On days I don't feel so stong... Fear.  

What do you like most about your partner?
1) .. He is an AMAZING DADDY! Despite all of the bull he puts me through... He can turn it all off when our son comes in the room.  He laughs, smiles and plays ... He gives lots of hugs and kisses...and changes diapers    He also takes a lot of time with my boys... playing video games and working out with them... They come to him when they want to talk about stuff they can't talk to "mom" about.  He offers them honest and rational advice ( I can't complain on this at all).  He's sweet and charming.  He loves to cuddle and talk.  He can fix anything! I love his creativity and abilty to think outside the box.  .. and the Sex is Amazing!

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
1) Dealing with life itself... the emotional drain that life can put on you strains his delicate emotionally state making it hard to sometime understand and control his emotions. He has such a strong need for routine, yet he resents it.. makes him feel "normal".
2) Lack of alone time together... We try the best we can, but with 3 kids full time it can make it difficult... sometimes he needs more attention then I can give and can dysregulate him.. So I try to steal kisses and hugs to show him I am still there and I do still love him... even if I can't be there every waking moment.
3)tight budget... even with him working now for almost a year... His child support is so high he still isn't bringing in a lot of money.. This makes the budget tight and leads to stress...

What do you find most difficult?
 Managing my life... Kids, work, home... and then Him..  
I feel like I live multiple lives, even though he is here and he does help (when he's not dysregulated)... he makes himself separate from my kids.  It's a roller coaster ride, Oneday he wants to be and do everything... the next day, It's my problem.. not his ?
This is how he keeps my life spinning in circles... Raising kids especially with someone with BPD is such a challenge, and when they aren't theirs... I think it makes it 10x's as hard!

How would you categorize your partner?
Definately, BPD traits.  

How would you categorize yourself?
"Strained" self esteem, Feeling inadequate, Rising out of depression... but definatley sad.
Maybe a little co-dependent, definatley INSECURE... and I have inherited some BPD  

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
He is not.. and will never be I am sure.  I am seeking salvage in a Sprirital Advisor not Therapist... but I like her alternative therapy better then traditional therapy.  I don't even have to go to her ... We talk on the phone and share emails... She is helping me look into myself and to God to find my answers...and YES, I do feel like I am getting much stonger... Ask me these questions in 3 more months... They will be totally different.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To continue to grow as a person.  To help others who are just starting out on their journey.  One thing I remember the most when I first started this board ... Is such a feeling of "validation".. that I wasn't crazy!  But also, This site showed me that I had emotional issues myself that I have to work on!  I want to continue to grow so I can better my life and my situation ... as well as help and support others... who are on their journey...

You feel so much stronger when you are part of a team ... and the BPDfamily is my team.  

[familyman]

What type of relationship are you in?
 
Married for 3 years, I'm 38 Wife is 30, 2 children, Daughter is almost 2, Son is 6 months. Never broken up, Straight. We dated for about a year before we got married so we've known each other for 4 years total.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I want a safe and stable environment for my children, I know she's a good and loving person but she does have her moments.

What do you like most about your partner?
 When we dated I was attracted to her independence and her take charge attitude. We had quite a few things in common, both family wise and interests.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Her temper, the way we communicate with each other. Both her taking things out of context and trying to look for the insult in every sentence when she's in a bad mood. Dealing with her mom and her mom's side of the family.

What do you find most difficult?
Communicating in a way that we both understand exactly what the other person is saying and meaning.

How would you categorize your partner?
Dependent on others and not being able to make up her mind, worrying what other people think. Knee jerk reactions to every little perceived insult. Not being able to comprehend fully what your saying to her but yet she wants you to be able to read her mind and know what she's talking about, even when she really doesn't know what she's talking about.

How would you categorize yourself?
I defiantly have some self esteem issues and body image issues. I have PTSD from a past assault and some from a horrible situation I was in for days during Hurricane Katrina.  

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
 We have been, Wife by herself and we went to marriage counseling for awhile. Right now I'm getting back into individual therapy for me and will be trying to get her back in counseling as well.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Improve our relationship and not let the physical and emotional abuse that is rampant on her mom's side affect our children.

I also am at work when I read and write on the board so it is hard for me to go in depth into a lot of things.

[owdrs]

What type of relationship are you in?
Married 20 years;
dated for 2 prior;
s17 d 13;
filed divorce in 08--canceled...have had 3 times over 20 years consulting attys filed only once.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
The kids. I would like to be in a good marriage but mine is very difficult. I stay to protect, nurture, raise the kids. They get no real interaction from w except for scolding, lectures, rage. Financially we would be much better off staying together. She is smart, organized, and really good at her job. And she is very attractive physically.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
At this point my resentment is huge. The instability of BPD is overwhelming, and hard to manage all the time. I feel she has been a bad mother, an uncaring spouse, and extremely demanding. I'm having a hard time finding a good reason to stay.

What do you find most difficult?
Most difficult? What I call the constant beat-downs. They used to involve physical violence but now mostly just verbal. And the fact I cannot make any progress, even after 20 years of hard work.

How would you categorize your partner?
uBPD.

How would you categorize yourself?
I have some esteem issues and I think i am depressed. The weight of w is huge and I have my moments of feeling helpless and worn out. I'm lucky to have family and friends for support and they have been tremendously helpful. Overall I am fighting hard to be good and do the right things.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
I did and then we did back in 01. It seemed to me that all the right things were said and tackled in the right way, but it wasn't real and we went right back to the SOP after C and MC. I did find out she was lying to her T, but back then I was all about forgiveness and making things better. It didn't work.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Two; first is to find help for myself through the great insights, advice, and resources here and strengthen myself through the people here. Second is to offer any support, advice, experience I can to help others. I know it's tough and sometimes very difficult to change your circumstance, but having this site for support can help make it through. I'm not an expert but I have lots of stories to share. BTW thanks to all for this site and all the hard work--it really is a lifesaver.

owdrs

[PainOfAge]

What type of relationship are you in?

Eight years married, 9.5 or so "together".  
Children, 8 and 5.  
Never broken up.  
Heterosexual.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
The children are the #1 reason.  We have had moments of real connection, and real emotion, and I think I truly love her - would be #2.

What do you like most about your partner?
She puts a lot of importance on family.  

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Trust, jealousy, and the black/white thinking.  It is really a struggle, but she is learning to see the infinite shades of gray in the world.  Did I mention it was a struggle?

What do you find most difficult?
Two steps forward, one step backwards.  Moments of amazing clarity and maturity, followed by episodes of acting like a spoiled teenage brat.  

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD traits, and the "opposite" of NPD traits... in that she can become very self-loathing, and that turns into her assuming I think and feel the same way about her, which puts her on the defensive and makes her very, very difficult to be around.  

How would you categorize yourself?
I have healthy self-esteem, but I was very codependent (I NEEDED a woman to love me), and I have had some bouts of depression.  I am working on the codependency, and the depression is not currently an issue.  It comes and goes... but such is life, I suppose.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
I have a therapist I trust and respect, and schedule appointments when I feel I need too.  My wife has a therapist she is seeing semi-regularly (regularly, but recently had a very hectic schedule w/ vacation and what-not).  She is not in DBT therapy, and I will not push the issue.  She is instead focusing on specific issues, like how to accept blame without completely trashing her own self image, or how to trust me when she *feels* jealousy.  I now stay out of her therapy, and do not attempt to add my thoughts or "insights" into it.  It works 110% better this way.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
This website has saved my life.  Literally.  I come here when I need a reality check, or to vent, or when I feel I have some clarity to offer and share with others.  I come here so that I do not feel alone in this.  For a long time I was very isolated from the world, and my "real story" was hidden beneath carefully constructed layers of lies and mis-truths.  I can come here and speak "anonymously", and feel understood and accepted.

Only those of us who have experienced BPD can understand what it is to experience BPD.  That is why I come here.

[iluminati]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)
3 1/2 years married, 4 1/2 years as a couple.  31 yo.  1 D, 20 months, living with me.  No breakups so far.  Heterosexual

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Because I think there are worthwhile parts of my wife that I want to hang on to

What do you like most about your partner?
Her creativity and interests in many different things from me

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Her inability and lack of desire to do the work needed to fix her issues

What do you find most difficult?
The loneliness. 

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
Diagnosed BPD, with diagnosed social anxiety disorder

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Recovering Enabler

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Both in therapy.  I'm winding down my term and will be out in the next month.    Wife was in DBT for 6 months and kicked out for noncompliance.  Currently in standard psychotherapy

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To do the best that I can with the relationship

[Aurylian]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)
Married 16 years; D10, D8, D5; have not yet broken up;

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
My girls.  I want to be there for them 100% of the time, not 50%;

What do you like most about your partner?
Struggling in this area right now.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Finding motivation to spend time together.  Being able to express the whole truth about where I'm at.

What do you find most difficult?
Being honest with her, when she has a very poor history of handling anything.  Also using all the tools in real time in the face of very skilled deflection techniques.  Dealing with emotional blackmail.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
Very high functioning BPD waif/hermit with competition and lack of empathy NPD leanings.  Emotional blackmailer.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Former highly codependent.  Currently, somewhat depressed with marital esteem issues.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Both in solo therapy every two weeks.  She is diagnosed, but has not been told.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Learn to be strong, loving, firm and honest in my communication with my W.  And grow in my own personal strength to be able to better handle/avoid the emotional blackmail I frequently face.  Also, to be able to compartmentalize more and not be consumed by the above issues in the rest of my life.

[moonunit]

What type of relationship are you in?

Years together (7)
Age (46me -35 her)
Married(no)
Children/ages(none she has a d aged 7 )
Living Together(no)
How Many Times Have You Broken Up( 10)
Sexual Orientation(monogamous)

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
1. keep in contact with her daughter, i regard our relationship like a father/child
2. when she is "stable" she is a good person to be around, we share many similar likes/dislikes
3. she has helped me grow as a person, helped me to become a better person, showed me that there is another side to life that i was missing and another side of life that was right in front of me but i was too blind to see - ie. being more giving to others and the less fortunate

What do you like most about your partner?
see 2,3

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
A. Control of my own decisions and my own life
B. Change, and how she will respond/react to the changes that i need to make to become a stronger/happier person
C. Validating her emotions - i have read about this, tried this a few times, but need much much more work on this area
D. Getting past the past, she lives in the past at times and continually brings up old issues, i am able to move past them and try to work on the present, this is a big hurdle for both of us. She is trying to let go, its just not in her nature to do that so she is struggling with this.  

What do you find most difficult?
all of the above

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD traits

How would you categorize yourself?
Codependant, mildly depressed

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
No, i attempted T about 2 yrs ago and discontinued after 2 sessions as my SO accused me of trying to sleep with the T and that i was not going for the right reasons, i was just going to make myself feel better by portraying myself as the helpless victim and her as the villan. She threatened to confront the T in person and cause a huge scene if i continued with T so i did not go back.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
1. To educate myself first and foremost
2. To understand that i am not alone and draw on the support and strength from fellow members
3. To develop a better balance in my life and start to reclaim my own self through the learnings i get on the various boards
4. To be able to see if i can work out a way that i can keep the relationship that i am in and also reclaim my life again so that  my SO and i can find a common ground to which we can grow in our own separate ways and together ( not sure if that is possible, but willing to try )

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