A Snapshot of our Relationships & Goals

[Think About It...]

What type of relationship are you in?
(2 Years "together". I am 28, she is 21, we are not married, but talk has came often... I have no children, she has a 4 year old. Currently not living together, she's dumped me like 238923983298238932893289328932892389238923892389238923 times, but they usually don't last long, what I consider broken up, three times. Sexual Orientation? I'm male, she's female.)

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Of everyone I ever met, she seems to be the only person who gets me, the only person I ever looked up to, the only person I can actually say "I respect".

What do you like most about your partner?
Her mind... Her intelligence, sense of humor, thirst for knowledge... All in all I am in love with her brain.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Her changing over night... I go to bed, we're in love, everything is wonderful, everything is great... I wake up, I don't love her, this isn't working, I've done something wrong.

What do you find most difficult?
Identifying "This is something that is truly wrong", and "This is her BPD coming out."

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD, but you throw dementia on top of that, and ugggggh


How would you categorize yourself?
I'm only really depressed when she makes me that way... I guess I'd say regular ol' normal insanity which comes with intelligence? I have anger issues for damn sure! (Not hitting or anything)


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
She is.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Understanding. Thas why I joined, although, judgmental people who reply with hopeless nonsense, or "She has you right where she wants you" or "run" make me have heavy second thoughts on if this is a place to find "understanding".

[Edgian]

What type of relationship are you in?
(2 Years "together". I am 28, she is 21, we are not married, but talk has came often... I have no children, she has a 4 year old. Currently not living together, she's dumped me like 238923983298238932893289328932892389238923892389238923 times, but they usually don't last long, what I consider broken up, three times. Sexual Orientation? I'm male, she's female.)

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Of everyone I ever met, she seems to be the only person who gets me, the only person I ever looked up to, the only person I can actually say "I respect".

What do you like most about your partner?
Her mind... Her intelligence, sense of humor, thirst for knowledge... All in all I am in love with her brain.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Her changing over night... I go to bed, we're in love, everything is wonderful, everything is great... I wake up, I don't love her, this isn't working, I've done something wrong.

What do you find most difficult?
Identifying "This is something that is truly wrong", and "This is her BPD coming out."

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD, but you throw dementia on top of that, and ugggggh


How would you categorize yourself?
I'm only really depressed when she makes me that way... I guess I'd say regular ol' normal insanity which comes with intelligence? I have anger issues for damn sure! (Not hitting or anything)


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
She is.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Understanding. Thas why I joined, although, judgmental people who reply with hopeless nonsense, or "She has you right where she wants you" or "run" make me have heavy second thoughts on if this is a place to find "understanding".

[FreeNclear]

What type of relationship are you in?

Together 3 yrs. Unmarried, living together less than 6 months.  Both mid 40s. 3 kids between us from previous marraiges.  "broken up" several times.  Heterosexual.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

I started to list the reasons--like the kids, his positive qualities.  But I honestly don't know if I want it to work.  I'm stuck and I can't even fill the rest of this out.

[izabella]

What type of relationship are you in?

18 years,2 kids ages 17 and 13.we live together,and he left me a few times and tells me he will leave me a few times a year.both of us are straight,we are both 39


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

because for some reason i love the man,he is romantic,he spoils me and shows me love,he does do what he can to make me happy when im painted white.
we have children,i want to try and keep us together


What do you like most about your partner?
under all the mean things he does to me,he does so many good things for me and my family,and for others as well.he loves animals and children,he is very smart and has a sweet heart.he is a great dad 99% of the time.


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

communication,getting him to tell me what is upsetting him before he cant take it anymore.getting him to talk things out/work things out without getting so worked up and hurting people


What do you find most difficult?

everything i wrote above and the silent treatments,they are the worst
feeling lonely,not being able to express my feelings


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

BPD


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

Low self esteem,codependent,depressed,stressed and burnt out.


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

im going to start soon.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?


getting healthy mentally again.being able to live life like im suppose to.to not be afraid to leave if things dont get better.

[Althea]

What type of relationship are you in?
Married 5 years, he's 34 and I'm 38, two little boys 2 and almost 4


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I have children with him

What do you like most about your partner?
He's talented, high IQ, sexy as hell, funny, when he's not raging, highly successful and high functioning, has so mcu in common with me regarding music, morals, interests, politics etc.  Some of that could be mirroring me.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Raging, mood swings, nagging me, his "expectations" of how fairy tale family life should be, as he had a bad childhood and I had an exceptionally great one

What do you find most difficult?
Discussing money.  He makes a ton, together we make a sht ton, though we manage it separately, and terribly!

How would you categorize your partner?
BPD traits, but feels genuine guilt and remorse, takes blame after the rage, but can not stop himself from verbally abusing others.  

How would you categorize yourself?
High functioning, high self esteem, coming out of depression from dealing with him though.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
No, he refuses.  

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com? This is my therapy and where I get my tools.  My tools have saved my family.  Thank you BPDFamily.com.  

[HardDaysNight]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

Married 10+ years, 3 children all under 10, never broken up, heterosexual.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

At the moment it is the better option for the children.  I don’t believe things are so bad that a divorce and the creation of two environments, one good, the other likely to be hell, is the better option.

If I was making a wish list I’d also like a spouse who could be a friend or companion.  Facing the facts I know that is unlikely to happen.

What do you like most about your partner?

 She has pretty much stopped the rages at least in front of me for the last 9 months.  Otherwise I am hard pressed to find something to like that is her and not just my fantasy of what  I thought she was.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

Her view that all our problems are my fault and that she has never behaved in an unjustifiable fashion.

What do you find most difficult?

Her smug, belittling and too good to lift a finger queen BPD/npd attitude.  Coupled with her constant negativity and criticism of our house and “life.”

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

waif/queen BPD with moments of npd especially after hanging our with a particular group of friends who best fit the “Real Housewives of…” mold.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

Feel like I’m ghetting better.  Was depressed for years.  I may have npd traits, not sure.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

I see one form time to time.  I’m not sure if my wife is still seeing here T.  She has an on again off again relationship with her T.  I suspect it gets off when my wife’s T says things my wife doesn’t want to hear.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

Support.  People who know what I am going through and can let me know I am not crazy.
 
Sure it is validation, but for a person in a relationship with a BPD/npd you are often cut off from others.  Humans are social creatures, IMHO, and I, like anyone, need some sense of validation especially when your home environment (where you are supposed to recharge) is one of invalidation and constant work to “validate/counsel” the BPD/npd.

I get tired of having to always be the responsible one and counselor to my BPD/npd wife 24/7.  Like anyone living under constant stress with few if any moments of peace, I need a place to let it out without being chastised for it.

I hope to also find advice on how to live with a person with BPD/npd here.  Techniques, etc., although I find books and my own T are better sources for actual techniques.

[KeepingPeace]

What type of relationship are you in?

Years together? 8 in August

Age? I'm 30, he's 36

Married? Engaged for 7 years (yes, we got engaged in the first year...) but not yet married...  so I've gone back to calling him my boyfriend

Children/ages? Daughter will be 2 in July

Living Together? Yes. Long distance (across the pacific) the first 8 months, then living together since then.

How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Never officially, but it keeps being threatened lately, by both of us...

Sexual Orientation? Straight


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

I love him.  We have been together for a long time (to a 30 year old, anyway:P) and I can't imagine living without him.  When we aren't stressed out we have a wonderful relationship and a lot of fun together.  I really miss being close to him and still hold out hope that I can have (some, at least) of that closeness back.


What do you like most about your partner?

He is very intelligent and hardworking (when he's focused).  He cares deeply about his family and takes good care of us when really needed (when sick, etc.).  We have (surprisingly) a lot in common and have a lot of fun together when he's not depressed. 


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

Communication, Trust and Forgiveness.  We've gotten to the point where we hardly talk, because it usually turns into an argument... and I've realized its partly because I was unknowingly invalidating most of what he said:(  I had good intentions, but my attempts to turn around his negative thinking with my positive version just made things worse:(  He's gotten to the point that he doesn't trust me to be on his side anymore, because when he starts in with negative thinking I point out the faults in it and try to explain the more innocent reasons behind people's actions... And I now have trust issues with him, as well, in thinking he's "crazy" and my insecurities over his interest in other women.  And he wont forgive me for mistakes I have made in the past and brings them up all the time:(


What do you find most difficult?

Listening to his "vents" without taking everything personally and getting defensive.


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

BPD traits, antisocial, a bit paranoid, depressed

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

Low self-esteem, codependent, a bit antisocial, a bit depressed, separation anxiety


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

I was seeing a therapist, but kinda stopped when she started had the attitude that he's hopeless and started steering me toward leaving...  He's not seeing anyone.


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

To learn skills for improving myself and my relations with him.  I want to learn to communicate in a more validating, empathetic way, and to work on improving the relationship from my side. Yes, I also (stupidly) hope that this will motivate him to make some positive changes in himself, but either way at least I will have strengthened myself and can know that I did my best.

[seqndluvnun]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? almost 2
 Age? 35 & 38
Married? common law
Children/ages? no
Living Together? yes
How Many Times Have You Broken Up? never
Sexual Orientation? straight


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
mmmmm, because i'm not a quitter, and we can help each other live fuller lives

What do you like most about your partner?
we have fun together

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
oh jeez, my perfectionism, i need to let the little things go, i would like to see him take more responsibility for his actions and be less hypocritical.

What do you find most difficult?
not taking things personally

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD traits, a little bi-polar, depression

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
i might be depressed, but overall i feel i have my poop in a group pretty well.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Neither of us...although we've talked about it and we have insurance so we should

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
I want to learn skills to help us manage this illness so we can full lives.

[RememberMe]

What type of relationship are you in?
Together 10 years, married for 9.  H has 3 grown children, estranged from all 3.  Never really broken up, but he goes through long periods of time where he will not speak to me and lives exclusivey in our basement so he does not have to interact.


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I'm not sure I want it to work anymore.  I'm not in love with him anymore, but financially can't afford to split.  I work, he is disabled, I can't support 2 households.


What do you like most about your partner?
I used to love his intelligence and his kindness.  Don't see much of either anymore. 


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Not knowing from one minute to the next whether I will upset him or not.  So I have severely limited our interaction, even when he's in a great frame of mind.  Hate to press my luck. 


What do you find most difficult?
Being isolated and ignored.  We used to talk all the time about everything.  Now he won't speak to me for long periods of time, and we can't discuss anything without arguing.  Never lets me express my thoughts or finish a sentence. 

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD, Avoidant PD, Bi-polar, depression, PTSD from years of abuse, also physically disabled.


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Depressed and anxious.  Some PTSD from his past actions.  Battling codependency every minute of every day!


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
He has a psychiatrist for medications only.  No therapy.  I'm currently seeking a therapist that is a good fit for me. 


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Support, and to learn coping skills.  I'm still not sure if I'm staying or going, but nice to know I'm not alone. 
 
 
 

[sea_luver]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

romantic love relationship.  been together ten months.  im 43 yo man.  she is 49 yo woman.  we're unmarried.  she has long distance d30.  ive no children.  we live separately.  tried living together for a couple months.  it didn't work.  broke up twice, i think.  we're both straight. 


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

when things are cool and chaos-free, i enjoy good companionship, romance, sex, sharing common interests, learning and exploring new stuff together.


What do you like most about your partner?

she's caring and sharing and thoughtful.  she's a creative artist.  she's a courageous survivor.  she's a great dancer and lover.


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
my biggest chanllenge has been recognizing, radically accepting, and coping with dishonesty, gas-lighting, projecting, and frequent un-predictible intense negative emotions that come from a very distorted perception of what's happening at a given moment.  when im blamed for making her feel bad because of something i didn't say (but she imagnied and insists that i said), something i did not think (but she imagined and insists that i thought), it's been a challenge learning to not defend myself , but to look past what she is actually saying and try to understand the emotions controlling her at the time.


What do you find most difficult?

effectively communicating is often very difficult for me.


How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )


BPD traits. Depression.  ADHD.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

codependent traits. situational depression.


Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
no.


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

learn how to communicate more effectively.  learn how to maintain my mental health while relating  with someone who exhibits BPD traits.

[peacebaby]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

My partner and I have been together almost ten years. I'm mid-40s, she's mid-30s, we're both gay. We live together and we have never broken up.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

She's my life-partner, and I'd say the relationship is working.

What do you like most about your partner?

Her kindness and her humor and the way she loves me.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

Though she's been through lots of treatment and is doing great, she still has problems with agression/violence, and that's the major challenge.

What do you find most difficult?

See above.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

She's got some BPD, some PTSD, and some PMDD.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

I'm a bit codependent with anger and mood regulation issues.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

We're both in talk therapy and on anti-depressants (she's also on anti-psychotics) and she's between support groups, but looking for a new one.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

To remind myself she's got BPD, for support when it gets bad, and to give advice to others.

[Inspirationneeded]

What type of relationship are you in?(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

Friends as she doesn't do committed relationships.  Known her 3 years, both of us mid 30s.  She was married, divorced after a a year and I have never been married.  No children by either of us living separate.  Broken up none, splitting probably 3 dozen.  Straight.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
(1) I love her.
(2) I have seen her in pain.  Beating the crap out of herself. The depressing withdrawls.  The uncontrolled shaking and look of sheer panic in her eyes.  She didn't cause the sexual abuse and I don't think she has to live with it by herself. She has to help herself, which she is actively doing, so as long as she tries I will give effort on my end.

What do you like most about your partner?
I know it's a result of her illness, but when she is happy and content she lights up the room. 

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Interracial, no matter how much support I give she gets extremely negative about how others view us together.   

What do you find most difficult?  Validation.  Its not an excuse but I'm former military and an engineer.  I have always dealt with facts not feelings.  It's foreign to me to recognize anything like that and respond appropriately. 

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )  Definitely BPD

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )  More codependent than the other options.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?  She is on and off with therapists.  I don't delve into how her sessions go.  I was in therapy for a bit before joining the Navy because of domestic issues with my family.  They never diagnosed me with anything and gave me a clean bill of health but after some self-relfection I realize I have issues. 

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?  Support.  Everyone knows she is off.  Everyone just turns their head and looks in the other direction even if she asks them (in her confusing way of course) for help.  Just want to be around others that know what's going on and can offer help, advice, an ear to talk to. 

[shave]

What type of relationship are you in?(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)
I'm a woman married to my BPD husband for over 35 years. I am 56, he's 59. Our kids are grown up and out-2 daughters, 32 and 27 , and one son, 30. 32 and 30 are married and I have 3 grandchildren. 27 is happily single. We have never broken up. But I stopped sleeping with him 15 years ago after a few unforgiveable incidents so you could say we are not really together, are we?

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
It's all financial at this point and I know every psychologist out there will tell you money is never a reason to stay together but I'm sorry I do not find welfare and possible homelessness an attractive option. My H made me so sick that I can no longer work and even when I did, it was a month to month existence (mostly because he was running the household finances and had many credit cards and didn't pay the mortgage and when I finally figured it out the hole was too deep to climb out of. I take care of the money now.


What do you like most about your partner?
At this point i neither like him nor love him but if I had to say something nice, he is very intelligent, well read and pretty darn good at his profession.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Keeping myself from getting sicker while dealing with his crazy. It's very hard and while I was really sick he said I was crazy and not sick. So basically I try to stay far away from any unnecessary contact with him. I'm better that way.
Also, I try to minimize any future damage he is going to do with my kids (he's already alienated the rest of the family and all friends). One day he will say something really bad to them and I have to always be on my toes. It's stressful.

What do you find most difficult?
Being scared of what he will be like when he walks in the door at night. I know it's a terrible thing to say but when he's away, I'm in heaven.

How would you categorize your partner?
Until last week when I found this site I would have said passive aggressive and psychotic. But he's BPD, 100%

How would you categorize yourself?
Completely depressed, have anxiety and panic attacks, completely intimidated.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
No money. And anyway, when he was in therapy he was completely untruthful and painted me as the villain (no, the therapist didn't listen to me.)


What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Honestly, I don't know yet. I just found you last week and all the info has been so helpful. But I think if everyone keeps at me to stand up and walk away when he starts his crazy ranting I think I could actually make my life a little better.

[eeyore]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

3 years 3 months, engaged, both in our 40's, no children, broken up 1 time, moved in and out too many to count, both hetro (Male & Female couple)

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?

We both have good qualities.  He is high functioning and does not have all the criteria.  He can be very loving, kind, and supportive.  He's brilliant at getting what he wants a quality I wish I was better at.  I have learned a lot from this relationship and I believe it has made me a stronger better person.  The skills I have learned here have helped in the relationship as well as with dealing with difficult people and situations in general.  It's helped me to be more care free and to worry less. 


What do you like most about your partner?

His brilliant mind.  He is clever, inventive, has lots of initiative.  We can have great conversations. 


What are the top challenges facing your relationship?

regulating emotions.  We tend to escalate issues more than they need to be.  We have gotten much better at resolving problems and airing our feelings. 


What do you find most difficult?

The resentment and anger that I haven't let go of.  Forgetting after I've forgiven. 

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )

I'm not sure about NPD or ASPD.  Definitely could be BPD according to T but since he would never go to a T he is undiagnosed.  He could suffer fleas from a BPD ex. 

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )

Me... have had episodes of low self esteem, maybe somewhat codependent... but really feel like I've overcome all of it. 

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?

I have gone to see a T and on occasion will touch bases with a T.  He absolutely thinks he's greater than sliced bread and he thinks T is for weak people.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?

To learn and become a better person, to help others, sometimes just to have a place to vent... it depends on the day.

[Marvin Martian]

 
We dated from October to February one break up, but back on polite speaking terms.
(Years together? Known each other, and communicating well for a year plus Age? 50 Married no Children/ages?no  Living Together?no How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation? heterosexual


What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
 I have never met someone that I have had such a deep natural connection with, soulmate level.

What do you like most about your partner?
 When she is in the white side of the splitting, she is incredible. Highly accomplished professionally, intelligent, great to be around, has overcome huge difficulties, from childhood on [ although I suspect her BPD helped to cause a severe family tragedy].  Deep beneath the layers, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I truly believe she knows she has a disorder, and tried to protect me from its effects.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Working back from the bad splitting where I didn't react well [before I read Eggshells, BPD for dummies, I hate you don't leave me, and finding this site]. A 5 hour drive between us.

What do you find most difficult?
 Trying to make sure that my communications with her are either a positive, or at least don't make things worse. Not seeing her eyes.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD traits, possibly 7 of 9. Very low self esteem, despite being a very accomplished person.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Good self esteem, good achiever, until the splitting kicked into a frequent cycle. Her ability to hammer on a person until they are looking for the grave is real [ but I now understand, can handle it, and am in good shape]. Esteem is coming back. Confidence is rising.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
 I have seen a T a couple times, not sure on her, but doubt it.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
 Goal #1 To learn more skills, that will make me stronger, and more capable. #2 Network with others who have fought the same battles, and learn from them. #3 I know I can't change her, and that she must be the one to choose to change. But I want to be a positive in her life, and a support to help her to spend more time on the white side of the splitting [ by stopping actions that hurt her, and being a solid presence].

[Want2know]

What type of relationship are you in?
I have known my unpdbf for 4 years, living with him now with a break up for about 8 months last year.  We had lived together for about 2.5 years initially.  I am 46 and he is 41.  He has 3 children from his previous and only marriage.  One lives with us (14 yr old boy), and the other 2 girls (15 and 18) live with the mother/grandmother.  I have no kids of my own.  Besides the 8 month hiatus, we broke up only once before, and that was just for a weekend.  We are heterosexual, trying to be monogamous, and not really wanting to get married since we’ve both been married before.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Besides the general statement of “I love him deeply”, I guess I’d have to say that I think we complement each other.  I do learn a lot from him, and during our 8 months apart, I didn’t want to be with anyone but him, even with me putting myself out there.  He is the one I would like to be with in the end.

What do you like most about your partner?His ability to fix or create anything, our mutual likes (music, movies, camping, etc.), our physical relationship, his passion, his feelings towards how this world is (except for when he’s dysregulated), his discipline.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
My anxiety over the possibility of him turning to other women for sex is the biggest one.  He says sex means nothing to him, and is a way for him to feel better about himself.  He doesn’t say that about the sex between us, but has said it in general.  Also, his lack of caring attitude that he uses as a manipulation tool, even if he is not aware when he’s doing it.

What do you find most difficult?
Trusting him.

How would you categorize your partner?
Somatic NPD with bi-polar tendencies, as well as some PTSD from being in the Army in Desert Storm.

How would you categorize yourself?
Anxious, somewhat co-dependent, somewhat depressed

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
No.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
For support when I’m confused or don’t know what to do, or just need to vent and/or get some advice.

[Upekkha]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)
We met as children. Dated at University. Lived together briefly and We have been married since 1977. Two adult daughters; one grand baby. Never broken up

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
Peace of Mind
Financial

What do you like most about your partner?
Funny; likes so much of what I like - dancing, music, film, gourmet cooking

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
She rages and I get angry
We don't talk about anything serious EVER and we have many future issues such as finances, retirement etc to work out.

What do you find most difficult?
The constant criticism and the raging

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD traits

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
I have anxiety issues

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Not currently. I had a CBT and we went to MC briefly until the $ ran out. She doesn't think she has problems; only I need to change.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Either learn how to make it work over time or move over to the Undecided board formally.
 
 

[runner mom]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)
Married nearly 8 years.  Together for 14.  Children: 2 daughters, ages 5 and 3.  Broke up once when dating and separated briefly last Spring and this Fall/Winter.  Heterosexual.  Certainly hope H is too... I assume that's the case!   

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I love him.  I want to be with my daughter's 100% of the time, not half time.  I believe that the man I fell in love with is still in there and I see glimpses of him sometimes and I love him.

What do you like most about your partner?
The things I like are mostly in the past tense right now but I believe they can come back.  He used to make me laugh, challenge me, we used to share hobbies and interests, we used to be happy in each other's company.  These are all positive memories and I am not without hope that we can find our way back to these things with each other. 

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Addiction.

What do you find most difficult?
Not letting my issues due to my FOO impact the reality of my current r/s.  I have a lot of triggers and H's illnesses get right to the heart of those.  Both of us come to this r/s with baggage and I am diving in and dealing with my past and right now he's not so interested and that's difficult bc we can't move fwd together when we are on such different paths... IMHO that is.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
Alcoholic with BPD traits.  Very high functioning. 


How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Co-dependent but improving, Low self esteem for most of my life but improving, Difficulty standing up for myself without apology but improving, Easily scapegoated into believing I am the cause of everyone's problems- now I am seeing that those who point fingers most typically have lots of issues of their own and I take things waaaay less personally.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
H is in therapy.  I am in therapy.  I go to al anon as well.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Learn more, find others with common experiences since this is not a disease that lots of people understand, figure out how to improve myself and in doing so, continue to work on and improve my r/s[/quote]

[nikky]

What type of relationship are you in?
Partners for 9 years, civil partners for 4.
Lesbian relationship
I have 2 children 18 and 16.
Split up- loads.  Once for a year when we both had other relationships. Though it is always pointed out that I had 2 where she only had 1!

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
I love her. As I said before I have been in other relationships but we always get back together. Ultimately we can and do compliment one another in lots of ways.

What do you like most about your partner?
I really love it when we laugh together, she is funny. At times it seems like we can talk for hours.

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Gambling addiction, constant accusation that i'm depressed or otherwise mad and untrustworthy.

What do you find most difficult?
Secrecy and constant criticism.

How would you categorize your partner?
Alcoholic, gambler, high functioning BPD and NPD traits.

How would you categorize yourself?
Alcoholic, Codependent and low self esteem, though CoDA has really helped.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
B goes to therapy.Both AA.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
Learn and understand, stop reacting and joining the argument. Gain support from others going through the same issues.

[LjoL]

What type of relationship are you in?
(Years together? Age? Married? Children/ages? Living Together? How Many Times Have You Broken Up? Sexual Orientation?)

We have been together for 6 years, married/civil union for 2.  I am 31 and she is 35.  We are a lesbian couple.  We broke up once when we were initially dating.

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
We both really love each other and our relationship fits for me the majority of the time.  We are similar in ways that are important to me, and different in ways that compliment each other.  I have a lot of respect for her and I feel hopeful that we will have a strong and fulfilling marriage.

What do you like most about your partner?
She is vivacious, smart and can be very caring. 

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
When we fight things can feel out of control and terrible. 

What do you find most difficult?
Setting limits without asking permission.  Having a healthy relationship with my own anger.

How would you categorize your partner?
(BPD traits? NPD traits? ASPD traits? Etc? )
BPD traits.  High functioning.

How would you categorize yourself?
(NPD traits? BPD traits? Low Self Esteem? Codependent?  Depressed?  Etc? )
Working on co-dependent stuff and some social anxiety.

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Lots of therapy going on in our house...  We are both in individual therapy and are in marriage therapy.  I am happy to say I feeling like I'm in a good spot right now so will be wrapping up my own therapy soon. 

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
To remember that I am not alone.  That there a lot of people who understand the chaos and confusion.  To work on self-understanding and speaking up.  For the support and to support others. 

[wheresthelight]

What type of relationship are you in?
Years together - we have been together for 4 years
Age - i am 38, he is 39
Married - we are engaged
Children/ages - son 14, stepson 8, stepdaughter 5, daughter 4 1/2, son together 19 months
Living Together - yes
How Many Times Have You Broken Up - actually broken up one for about a month after we were together for a year. Threats of breaking up and him telling me it's over, 100's of times.
Sexual Orientation - hetrerosexual

What are the top reasons you want this relationship to work?
We are a family, I love him and all of our kids. I have faith and believe in a better future.

What do you like most about your partner?
He has so many amazing qualities, he is incredibly smart, beautiful, funny, driven, charming, charismatic, generous, gentle, caring, adventerous, loving, incredibly passionate, sensitive, masculine, the list really goes on and on

What are the top challenges facing your relationship?
Dealing with the rages, the constant threats, the jealousy, emotional abuse, money management, raising the kids, disciplining the children, his BPD, PTSD, my mood swings, and depression.

What do you find most difficult?
Validation, trusting him (with my heart, not with other woman, he does not cheat). Letting go of my own stuff, letting go of the anger and resentment that has built up over the years. Trying to remain positive and steady, i have my own issues, and have had a rough childhood ass well, i have trouble with my moods and am often up and down which is a huge trigger for my fiance.

How would you categorize your partner?
He has diagnosed BPD, PSTD, and OCD

How would you categorize yourself?
Definately codependant. I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder (on medication) and believe that i have PTSD, some depression, anger issues, trust issues, I can be needy at times, and fiercly independant at times. Sometimes i feel very inscure, although i think the constant breakups have something to do with that ?

Is anyone in therapy? If so, what?
Yes both of us, he is in therapy for BPD, PTSD, anxiety, anger, OCD etc. I am in therapy for mood disorder, depression, anxiety.

What are your goals at BPDFamily.com?
For support, to learn how to separate his stuff from mine. To learn how to communicate more effectively with him. To learn from other people who have walked in my shoes. I really want to improve my relationship for myself, for my fiance and for our kids. I have learned here that i cannot fix his issues, but i would like to learn how to fix myself so that i can be more validating, less angry and am hoping that in the process it will improve our lives together