A grieving BPD

[Think About It...]

Firstly, my real apologies if this is in the wrong place, but I couldn't find an obvious place to post it!

I'd really like to hear from anyone who has experienced their BPD partner grieving. Basically, my SOs mother passed away yesterday from a long struggle with cancer. Whilst it was a blessing in disguise because, as is often the case, it means the suffering has come to an end, it has placed my SO in a position where she is quite obviously grieving, confused, feeling numb and mournful. My fears are that she will now approach this event as a real 'abandonment' issue as her father died when she was a young child and her mother has been the person that has bought her up, nurtured her, been there for her through all of life's ups and downs, but is now gone.

I went to see her last night for a short time and she seemed genuinely pleased to see me, but its been made quite clear that she doesn't want me involved in any of the arrangements that now happen and, to be really honest, i'm feeling a little useless and rather redundent. So I suppose my request is, as I said at the beginning, whether anyone has been in the same sort of situation, how their SO handled the whole process and what the relationship is between BPD and grieving?

Thanks

[kelly66]

Firstly, my real apologies if this is in the wrong place, but I couldn't find an obvious place to post it!

I'd really like to hear from anyone who has experienced their BPD partner grieving. Basically, my SOs mother passed away yesterday from a long struggle with cancer. Whilst it was a blessing in disguise because, as is often the case, it means the suffering has come to an end, it has placed my SO in a position where she is quite obviously grieving, confused, feeling numb and mournful. My fears are that she will now approach this event as a real 'abandonment' issue as her father died when she was a young child and her mother has been the person that has bought her up, nurtured her, been there for her through all of life's ups and downs, but is now gone.

I went to see her last night for a short time and she seemed genuinely pleased to see me, but its been made quite clear that she doesn't want me involved in any of the arrangements that now happen and, to be really honest, i'm feeling a little useless and rather redundent. So I suppose my request is, as I said at the beginning, whether anyone has been in the same sort of situation, how their SO handled the whole process and what the relationship is between BPD and grieving?

Thanks

[Ace]

My uBPDw's father just passed away a couple months ago.  My wife's grieving process wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but the odd thing is, it is like she hasn't fully accepted that he is gone.  She has taken up an interest in the afterlife.  She bought a ouigi board to communicate with her dad, and claims she has communicated with him.  She has joined a spiritualist church that has mediums.  It is like she hasn't fully come to terms with the loss and is replacing him with a spirit who is still there.  This is my wife's way of mourning her loss, so I support her, but I do wonder if she has really let go and is mourning, or if this is just a replacement for the physical loss of her father.  I too felt like I wasn't needed.  I watched the kids most of the time and she did thank me for that, but feel I wasn't allowed to really be there for her.     

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)