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Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
Poll
Question: Take the Pledge (check all that you can commit to).  
I understand that my SO has a mental illness (my partner did not create it). - 489 (10.8%)
I understand that our relationship problems are relationship problems (attributable to both of us). - 468 (10.3%)
I understand that our relationship problems affect others including our children. - 399 (8.8%)
I no longer wish to be a victim in my relationship. - 487 (10.7%)
I understand my role in the "cycle of conflict" - 411 (9.1%)
I understand that leadership and change on my part requires strength, commitment, patience, self-awareness - 491 (10.8%)
I understand that influencing change is about providing love, validation, structure and motivation, and diffusing conflict. - 457 (10.1%)
I will actively seek to understand BPD.  I understand that I have the capacity to support and lead my partner - but not to drive someone else's healing. - 485 (10.7%)
I welcome challenges from BPDFamily.com members, even when the question and challenge may be emotionally upsetting. - 485 (10.7%)
I accept the responsibility of knowing when to protect my children. - 361 (8%)
Total Voters: 508

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Author Topic: Take the Pledge  (Read 3205 times)
tarantula17

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 23


« Reply #90 on: October 26, 2015, 10:42:48 AM »

Near term goal: let go of what I can't control, pray more precisely for the things I can't, continue to love my husband the best I am able without letting the commitment ruin me to the point of taking from what our children need.

This is a horrible, terrifying goal for me. I will have mamyvweak moments especially with him battling me even from a distance and my love for him is strong.
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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Chilibean13
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 204


« Reply #91 on: October 26, 2015, 12:18:53 PM »

My near term goal in regards to our relationship is to try to understand and validate the emotion behind my uBPD's anger. This is new and I'm going to learn how to do it appropriately.

For myself, my short term goal is to begin to experience joy again.
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RedPixie

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 26


« Reply #92 on: November 10, 2015, 06:05:13 AM »

My near time goals are to :

Stop dumping on my friends and get quality time with them.

Stop making my partners issues my issues / stop helping or feeling like i have to involve in the drama to help him or make things better / stop fixing things and doing things which undermine his ability to do it for himself.

(Paying bills and bailing him out all the time is making him useless with money and its driving me crazy)

Validating more

Invalidating less

SET - learn more of this?

NO TO JADE - I think I'm getting this ok... .


Thank you

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revmwej

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 6


« Reply #93 on: March 29, 2016, 10:12:16 AM »

My near term goals are;

1. End my part in the cycle of conflict.

2. Find better and more effective ways to communicate.

3. Set clear boundaries and defend them.

4. Learn more and understand BPD.
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singularity

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 26


... and understanding is happiness.


« Reply #94 on: July 24, 2018, 05:42:06 PM »

My near term goals are:

Understand the BPD relationship and what I can do to help the both of us.
Tell her that I love and support her and want to make a life with her, together as a team.
Be able to understand and anticipate her needs and support her in her times of need.
Be happy with her.
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