Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:39:58 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Poll
Question: Take the Pledge (check all that you can commit to).  
I understand that my SO has a mental illness (my partner did not create it). - 489 (10.8%)
I understand that our relationship problems are relationship problems (attributable to both of us). - 468 (10.3%)
I understand that our relationship problems affect others including our children. - 399 (8.8%)
I no longer wish to be a victim in my relationship. - 487 (10.7%)
I understand my role in the "cycle of conflict" - 411 (9.1%)
I understand that leadership and change on my part requires strength, commitment, patience, self-awareness - 491 (10.8%)
I understand that influencing change is about providing love, validation, structure and motivation, and diffusing conflict. - 457 (10.1%)
I will actively seek to understand BPD.  I understand that I have the capacity to support and lead my partner - but not to drive someone else's healing. - 485 (10.7%)
I welcome challenges from BPDFamily.com members, even when the question and challenge may be emotionally upsetting. - 485 (10.7%)
I accept the responsibility of knowing when to protect my children. - 361 (8%)
Total Voters: 508

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Take the Pledge  (Read 3202 times)
Joseph54
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: separated
Posts: 123



« Reply #60 on: June 20, 2012, 10:52:22 AM »

I will be meeting with a life coach in two days and looking for a therapist in order to begin the healing process and reversing the negative direction our relationship has been going.

Joe
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

kimberlysc
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married 14 years
Posts: 101


« Reply #61 on: July 06, 2012, 07:31:28 PM »

My pledge is to get me back
Logged
Karenina6

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #62 on: August 30, 2012, 03:44:10 PM »

My near-term goal is to take care of myself and to learn as much as I can about BPD.
Logged
Chosen
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1479



« Reply #63 on: August 30, 2012, 10:51:19 PM »

My short-term goal is to stop making things worse, learn the tools for improving communication, stop acting out of fear and take care of myself.

My long-term goal is to improve my relationship with my uBPDh, maybe get him to know he needs help.
Logged

beachtalks
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 97



« Reply #64 on: September 08, 2012, 03:04:30 PM »

This pledge makes me think of what I remind my best friends and family members about my marriage to my BPD husband: "I knew exactly what I was signing up for.  Don't feel sorry for me."  It's a huge challenge, but I am a woman that likes challenge.  I value my husband's strength in surviving his terrible childhood and time as a combat soldier in war.  He will never be like other people because of his damage and ongoing pain, and having a healthy lifestyle with him is a daily challenge.  But this love doesn't keep score. 
Logged
Lunes Azul
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 2


« Reply #65 on: September 15, 2012, 10:47:18 PM »

My goal is to finish reading SWOE, and to learn what validation is and what radical acceptance is, and apply them to my relationships with pwBPD.
Logged
lastwave
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 340



« Reply #66 on: September 17, 2012, 10:21:15 AM »

sorry wrong board!
Logged
dogmama

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married, but living apart
Posts: 45



« Reply #67 on: September 20, 2012, 09:31:12 PM »

My next near goal is to finish reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me", as well as start a journal.  I also will go back to OA to help me with my own behavior.
Logged
The White Lady
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 63



« Reply #68 on: September 22, 2012, 05:30:36 PM »

My next goals are to continue my own healing, and understand how I can respond more effectively to my husband's behavior.
Logged
beachtalks
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 97



« Reply #69 on: October 17, 2012, 11:06:49 AM »

My current goals are:

*to be stronger and use tougher love with everyone so that change can happen.

*begin serious talks with my BPD partner with a prep talk and some positive affirmation

*allow myself self expression of my pain when with my partner instead of bottling it up

*to give myself more personal time and work time, even if this means turning my phone off

*start exercising regularly again

*find a way to laugh more (daily)

*make more decisions for myself again, instead of letting my husband control things. my placating his insecurities haven't helped him become more secure anyway, and have only shrunk my world
Logged
Dad.Co-Parenting

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Family man and head of house hold: undiagnosed BDP-so-gf of 16y, D14yo, 2Dogs, Cat
Posts: 22


WWW
« Reply #70 on: October 19, 2012, 12:05:49 PM »

My goals:

1.) review the links to the right

2.) make a healthy plan

I got onto the site a few years ago and learned a lot. I was able to learn new skills like validation that really helped build a working relationship with mom a BPD 40 year old. We have a child together and were no in a relationship. After 4 1/5 years of being in a working relationship I asked her if she would be willing to try to work it out.

My work has pulled me away from focusing on my mental health. The dust has cleared some and I am trying to do an assessment and make a new plan.

We have been together now for 8 months. She has been seeing a counselor (me too a little), but have not been making material progress other actually taking the step to improve our relationship and be healthier parents. She is open to try as am I.

We are going thru the exercise in coming weeks to go to a psychiatrist for an assessment. This may be the first time she learns she is BPD.

I plan to be on this site often as I skill up and contribute to the support of the members.

Logged

Father of teenD with BDPso-gf of 15+ years. Thankfulness has dismissed desires but definitions continue to shift. I should change my name as we got back together 12 years ago and co-parenting was only a 2 year phase.
Foreverhopefull
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 257



« Reply #71 on: October 22, 2012, 05:50:10 AM »

The only reason I didn't respond to:

"I accept the responsibility of knowing when to protect my children." is that we have no children.
Logged
Rockylove
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 827



« Reply #72 on: December 22, 2012, 06:58:05 PM »

My near term goal is to practice, practice, practice validation.
Logged
Pugman

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 26



« Reply #73 on: February 12, 2013, 01:58:45 AM »

My next goal is to learn more ways to communicate with my uBPDw, with the hope of saving my marriage.
Logged
almost789
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 783


« Reply #74 on: February 12, 2013, 06:39:21 AM »

I like this. I can certainly improve on some of these things, and was pleasantly suprized to see that its important to seek an understanding of the disorder. I certainly felt a driving need to seek and understand. It is helpful to me and to my pwBPD. Even though Im detaching, i dont knkw that I would turn him away if he returned.
Logged
vboy

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 31



« Reply #75 on: May 06, 2013, 01:38:43 AM »

My next term goal is:

I no longer wish to be a victim in my relationship. I want to begin to reclaim my emotional well being and lead my family to a healthier place.

Logged
Onmyown

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated one month
Posts: 38



« Reply #76 on: August 11, 2013, 08:57:15 PM »

My goal... .

To learn to stay strong and protect myself by keeping the boundaries I put into place.  Forgive but not forget the lessons I learned.
Logged
Monarch Butterfly
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 124



« Reply #77 on: October 04, 2013, 12:48:49 PM »

My goal is to "understand that leadership change on my part requires strength, commitment, patience, self-awareness and I am committed to work on building these qualities in myself". But then, as soon as I look at the goal, I start thinking - isnĀ“t this an extremely big bite to chew? Can I actually find strength to stand up, take control, look at me? I guess the first step is to acknowledge where North is... .my north is me. Smiling (click to insert in post)

Logged
qcarolr
Distinguished Member
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
Posts: 4926



WWW
« Reply #78 on: October 04, 2013, 03:13:47 PM »

I can take this pledge. I can see that I need to work in every single area. Most of these I have done lots of learning about and seeking support to practice. The actual 'doing it' consistently - not so good. Esp. when things are roughest.

So many conflicts of needs - what is mine, what is BPDDD27's, what is dh's, and what belongs to gd8h as priority to all the others. Sometimes I convince myself that I am putting the other's needs ahead of mine. Reality check, I am stuck as the victim/rescuer that creates or adds to conflicts. If I can step back and own what my needs are, and how I am looking to the others in my life to fix them for me, maybe I can let go of issues that do not belong to me and fix myself.

qcr

Logged

The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
MrsMcB

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 6



« Reply #79 on: October 18, 2013, 01:20:10 PM »

I pledge to work on my validation skills with my uBPDh,without feeling like I lost a part of myself while doing so. I would like to help my husband slowly see how his actions affect other people & to curb some harsh critisizums & learn to think more positively.I want to continue setting personal boundries & communicate them to my Husband.I am currently reading SWOE,and am keeping a journal.Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
nefele

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 4


« Reply #80 on: October 19, 2013, 04:43:34 PM »

my goal is to continue working on my boundaries so I don't get sucked into my husband's constant need for chaos/drama/fault finding
Logged
duncanville1
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 324


« Reply #81 on: October 21, 2013, 02:51:31 PM »

I pledge to stop the dysfunction I bring to the relationship by lying to keep my spouse happy.
Logged
Ihope2
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 318



« Reply #82 on: March 17, 2014, 04:58:48 AM »

I realise that I need to find out who I am in a relationship and stop letting the other person project all their stuff onto me;

I need to find out where my personal boundaries lie and how to reinforce them;

I need to learn to detach with love; let go; stop obsessing about taking away the other person's pain.
Logged
Olinda
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Engaged - 3 years, living together
Posts: 101



« Reply #83 on: March 17, 2014, 02:41:54 PM »

I am committed to therapy for myself. I am committed to figuring out my rescue mentality and instead choosing to see my fiancee as more of an equal partner. This are so good right now i am doubting my thoughts that fiancee had BPD. I know this comes in cycles so am just waiting this one out. She said my seriousness about seeking help and books related to BPD were a wake up call. She has really been different the past three days.

Good,i do hope it lasts.
Logged

ziniztar
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: I chose to end the r/s end of October 2014. He cheated and pushed every button he could to push me away until I had to leave.
Posts: 599



WWW
« Reply #84 on: March 17, 2014, 03:56:14 PM »

Next goal: implement to stop the fight cycle on my part, and start validating my partner a lot more.
Logged
Pogo14

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 12



« Reply #85 on: August 03, 2014, 01:37:14 AM »

My main goal is to protect and nurture my children,  I have taken the first step by addressing my problems and standing up for them and myself.
Logged
Lucky One
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 164



« Reply #86 on: September 17, 2014, 07:17:41 AM »

I pledge to learn as much as possible about BPD so as to take better care of my own physical and mental health.
Logged
takingandsending
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 15 years; together 18 years
Posts: 1121



« Reply #87 on: September 17, 2014, 02:20:21 PM »

I am committed to T for myself to disentangle from my role in the conflict.   
Logged

ColdEthyl
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 2 years
Posts: 1277


« Reply #88 on: September 17, 2014, 04:19:24 PM »

I pledge to continue my education into my dBPDh's issues, and continue to work on my communication techniques. I also pledge to no longer be bullied, and instead take control of my emotions, my actions as well as my reactions.
Logged
dog_star

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 49



« Reply #89 on: September 18, 2014, 12:01:53 AM »

Find the time to finish Essential Family Guide to BPD in the next few days
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!