I posted on your thread.. but it was moved at the same time.. so hope you got it. I was saddened to read about your situation. Stay strong friend.. As I know you will...
Yes Anna, I love it too! Well, first he made this killer salad with a twist.. He got the recipe off of Rick Bayless, Mexico one plate at a time.. He loves him..
It was spring mix with chorizo on top cooked with caramelized onions and some other spices.. and small chunks of Yakima.. OMG>> so good!
Then he made Carnitas and refried beans.. also all the side dishes, avacado, lime, cilantro, sour cream, and home made chile.. Boy did he throw down! And home made chips too! And then the worst thing happened.. My sister didn't make it! BUmmer huh? She got tied up a city away and when she got home she had a horrible headache.. I could tell she felt really bad and still wanted to try and come, but I said.. take care of you.. we can make it up.
I could also tell my H felt kinda bad too.. but he knows what its like to feel bad.. once he cancelled on her last minute not too long ago.. so thats that. We sure enjoyed it though..
And I bought fresh blueberries and vanilla icecream for dessert.. enjoyed that too!
poor sissy.. she really missed out tonight! but I invited her over tomorrow for left overs.. so its all good.. stuff happens..
tonight is so beautiful.. weather wise.. energy wise.. environment wise.. i'm tired but its a good tired. there is a calming feeling in the air and it is welcomed with both arms and legs..
So tomorrow I will check out a few homes for rent and just take my time..
Thanks Anna for the encouragement on taking my time with job changing as well. It was nice to feel like I was appreciated for my skills but I know from past experience how much that has made us backslide.. trying to do to much when we have enough here to still balance out.
So one thing at a time and less is certainly more at this point.
I have learned much during these past few months and most of all, keeping my focus in tact and not taking on more than I can handle and also having a feeling of being committed to the r/s. As hard as that can be once you have been thru the fire and then reunite, its imperative that it is there for growth. Hard to find the balance or the trust to have that commitment made over in your mind, but once you can get there, you can start to see things really change and feel a sense of security about the r/s that hasn't been there before. Certainly not during the abusive years.. and not during the crazy off and on madness, but after this long period of being apart and seeing the level of change that has been enough to make a difference, couple that with that heartfelt committed stage and you can give yourself room for growth and for error and for whatever else you need in between.
It has been a nice change that made us both feel more at ease in our skin and in our decision to be together. Without mutual trust how could we really connect or feel we had much to go on. I sure couldn't plan much in the state of mind I was in. And basing how he felt on his behavior, he was just as much of a mess as I was. now with him waking me up today to get to our Christian gathering and being next to me in a place in my life that has been the main area of strength for me to be sustained thru all of this, it means so much..
I pray to God he will keep putting forth the effort to be a good man and work thru his fears.. if he slows down in this area i'll keep on keepin on and not allow his decisions to have any bearing on what I know I need to do in order to keep myself together and stable.
I know that no matter what is going on here, what really matters is whats going on inside of me. If I feel good about the decisions i'm making personally and finding fulfillment in my life by doing things important to me and reaching out to accomplish my own goals, i'll still be ok in this r/s.
That really is key as we all know.. keeping the focus on ourselves and the things we can change, and also helping them feel the love and support along the way. I had been sending some pretty warped and mixed messages for a while now and I just was confused about many things.. couldn't be sound in my thinking if I was all messed up inside right?
So now that enough time has went by and I can see how flip floppy I have been and how much I fed into this cycle of conflict, I also see how I can change it and make it much more workable.. thank goodness for others who have been there done that, before us and share there wisdom.. and a willing and humble heart ready to listen and see myself for how I honestly have been.. Not a very nice person at times. I guess its par for the course but its not ok. I don't like being mean or rude to him if he does something and im in a bad mood or whatever.
I have had a feeling of entitlement myself and its made it difficult to progress.
I guess just feeling that he was the abuser for so long and now he has the making up to do and i think i may have been holding him under my own microscope and not allowing ANY room for error or mistakes if it meant me feeling the least bit uncomfortable.. Why should I! I have been so hurt for so many years..
Anyway.. I know its not right but it seemed to just feel appropriate after what i'd been thru..
Now I see things more maturely and am ready to be more fair in this arena and hope I can hold onto this insight. cuz the entitlement can creep back up easily if not careful.
well thats what i've learned in these past few months.. Can you guys relate to this at all?