"The look"

[Think About It...]

My exBPDgf's eyes looked like 2 pieces of black coal - no life...freaky! When she was raging on me years ago cycling downwards a mutual friend who saw her commented that "she looked dead...lifeless". A year or so after that when she was pseudo-stalking me in my gym, I walked around the corner and almost walked into her as she was going the other way to try to follow me to the area of the gym I was in. I looked up right into her eyes and she looked at me. She again looked like she had no soul...no life...like her eyes were just black. Creepy! Made me sad for a second, then I finished my workout & got outta there as fast as I could. Yeah - she had "the look"!

-NHBB

[NHBeachBum]

My exBPDgf's eyes looked like 2 pieces of black coal - no life...freaky! When she was raging on me years ago cycling downwards a mutual friend who saw her commented that "she looked dead...lifeless". A year or so after that when she was pseudo-stalking me in my gym, I walked around the corner and almost walked into her as she was going the other way to try to follow me to the area of the gym I was in. I looked up right into her eyes and she looked at me. She again looked like she had no soul...no life...like her eyes were just black. Creepy! Made me sad for a second, then I finished my workout & got outta there as fast as I could. Yeah - she had "the look"!

-NHBB

[C12P21]

When we dated as kids, the look was one of the reasons I quit seeing him. It was cold, aloof and indifferent. This look could instill a sense of dread within me because it was devoid of human feeling. The teachings of my culture are the eyes are the mirrors of our souls-which is one of the reasons looking another in the eye for very long is considered disrespectful. We are gazing into their soul..
As adults, I did not see the look at all untilthe hater phase came out.
Chilling.
C

[jalk]

I'm not sure my exBPD can hide the hater phase from me. This is suppose to be a professional pic done with her and the new unfortunate victim...she just has that look. Nasty.Trying to convince herself she's beautiful, try and tryl 

[Overcomingbpd]

Mine appeared to look right through me. Like no one was home. Then the angry looks would have been deadly if possible. It is truly scary. Amazing how they go from total looks of admiration to looks of pure hate.

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Hyacinth]

Wow!  I hadn't realized that what I saw was commom amound pwBPD.  I was taking pictures at the beach last year and when I looked back through the ones I had taken, saw a total stranger.  I had never seen "the look", and this was still in the Clinger stage.  I quickly deleted it because I didn't like it AND it didn't look like my fiance! 

The next time I saw it was the day after our wedding.  My mom took me aside and asked me why he looked like he wanted to kill me!  My whole family was amazed at the difference from the happy groom to be the night before the wedding and this stranger.  My mom said he stared at me, never moving his head, just his eyes.  I took some wedding cards over to him to help open and he threw them back at me.  Embarrassed in front of my family, you bet!  Confused, you bet.  Certain I had made the biggest mistake of my life - I was just figuring that out!  First time I was abused?  You got it - honeymoon.  Downhill from there.  I wish I had realized what I was seeing in that picture.

One question - did their pupils every look off centered?  I noticed that the last time I saw him - 6 months ago.  Maybe it was drugs, but it was something I had never seen before.

[Mystic]

Mine would get a look if he were angry, suspicious, jealous or raging.  It was *very* affected and exaggerated and would have been rather absurd if there hadn't been genuine dark emotion behind it.

Eyes narrowed, accusing and angry, pinched face pressed forward, very angry, combative and rageful.  

It actually got to the point where I commented on it...called it the look that could peel the skin off your bones.  (kinda funny but not).  

With what I know now (that I didn't know then) I just see it now as part of the intensity of the emotion he was feeling.  The sad thing the emotion wasn't coming from anything between us, but from something within him.  

Placed in the proper perspective now it's more to be pitied than censured...

However...I wonder sometimes at just the inherent danger...

[luckystrikes]

i think the closest thing to whats being described that i experienced was kind of what livia mentioned.

"Eyes narrowed, accusing and angry, pinched face pressed forward, very angry, combative and rageful."

during particular rages, especially jealous ones, she'd do that, and she'd get this exaggerated smile on her face. it would infuriate me, and i would want to throw a plate through it and shatter her teeth. it was SO smug. and she'd normally nod her head either certainly, or sarcastically along with the smile. i'd complain to her about that damn smile, and she actually kind of empathized with how irritating it would be, but said she didn't even realize she did it. sometimes i'd get so crazy and do it back at her and swing my head up and down in an even more exaggerated fashion. god, i just hate smug, and i hate "certainty" in the face of being SO very wrong.

anyway, i don't think this is QUITE the kind of thing most people are describing, but it was certainly "a look".

[David Dare]

My ex's current FB profile pic is of her in her wedding dress standing with her new husband.  The expression on her face has the crazy eyes.  This dude has no idea what he's getting into. 

[NHBeachBum]

My ex's current FB profile pic is of her in her wedding dress standing with her new husband.  The expression on her face has the crazy eyes.  This dude has no idea what he's getting into. 

Just a matter of time...as certain as death and taxes...he'll find out what he's gotten himself into! Just be happy that the empty, blank stare isn't focused on you any more! You should feel so relieved that her rages are going to be directed on some other poor victim!

-NHBB

[jalk]

David Dare,               

I have just experienced the same thing. Saw a pic of my ex with her newly married victim. Her eyes are dark and she is squinting and she looks smug and haughty. It's all about her. She is the beautiful one. Look at her. Thats what she wants. She is so deluded. She's just using old Smokey, her new victim to get the money Smoke has from retirement from national guards and soon retirement as a State Trooper dooper. Smokey is a poor stupid b~, believing all her lies and thinking he has something special and for life. If I liked Smokey, I would have sent out a warning,but being that Smoke is a narcissistic b~, the creep gets what they deserve. Match made in hell. 


 

[ArtistGuy70]

My ex's current FB profile pic is of her in her wedding dress standing with her new husband.  The expression on her face has the crazy eyes.  This dude has no idea what he's getting into. 

God, David, I hear you. Not only did a lot of her pictures after the break up have the "crazy eyes", but some of them with me during the last year (when the mask started to fade away) had that Crazy look. It alternates between the wide, crazy eyes and the dead, emotionless eyes.

[Wegg]

In an attempt to try and explain what has happened after my recent breakup with my DBPDW to my 5 year old daughter I break out the photos that I had put into another folder for years and years that no one but me would ever look at.  Lots of examples of dead cold eyes.  Looks of contempt, hatred, anger, disgust. . . all rolled into one "look"  It is terrifying.  :-(

[pits]

I posted about this once. My ex-pwBPD would get two looks. One: this look of almost enjoying watching me squirm as they painted me black. Sort of a "smized eye you are evil I knew it" look. As well, in arguments and/or me just trying to talk reason to them I would see a glimmer of almost a child like wide eyed look of "that almost makes sense and I should be able to connect the dots but can't" It's as though, "reason" is right around the corner but there is a "block" and they just couldn't fully go there. Anyone else?

[BladeValant546]

I have a harder time picking up on these vibes because when i see peoples eyes I see their real person. However, now when i think back I can remember seeing alot of conflict. It seemed that she was always warring with herself constantly. It is a sad thing, i can only wish this disorder as more publicized.

[luckystrikes]

I posted about this once. My ex-pwBPD would get two looks. One: this look of almost enjoying watching me squirm as they painted me black. Sort of a "smized eye you are evil I knew it" look. As well, in arguments and/or me just trying to talk reason to them I would see a glimmer of almost a child like wide eyed look of "that almost makes sense and I should be able to connect the dots but can't" It's as though, "reason" is right around the corner but there is a "block" and they just couldn't fully go there. Anyone else?

yes, i think i saw something like that.

[bluestar]

SittingInLimbo2011

"THE LOOK" is haunting to say the least.

Yes - Most definitely...

My ex went from the 'LOOK' (way more than pronounced as she has huge eyes set into a very thin face) to a kind of 'bubbling up' and smouldering ashen-faced monster when the change to 'Mr. Hyde' occurred.  
It took but seconds to manifest itself, but noticeable post transformation signals were the 'growling intensity' of the ashen and tense facial expressions, the greyed-out ashen skin, and mysteriously, dark bags under the eyes (how - so quickly?).  After that, it seemd all evils that had ever existed had welled up from hell and taken her over - completely.

This happened in a restaurant once, after she'd downed two bottles of wine whilst I was in the bathroom there...
The sudden 'new' character was of course noticed by all the staff there, who were beyond bewildered when they tried to offer thier assistance.  She sat their with flailing arms, all manner of grotesque and contorted expressions in rapid sucession, incoherent speech (seriously - not ONE word made any sense) and it then took some 40 minutes to get her outside whilst the restaurant found a taxi for us.

Thank the Lord I won't have to put up with those embarrasing episodes any more!  True horror stories I had there - that is just one of many, in just a three month period.

[NHBeachBum]

David Dare,               

I have just experienced the same thing. Saw a pic of my ex with her newly married victim. Her eyes are dark and she is squinting and she looks smug and haughty. It's all about her. She is the beautiful one. Look at her. Thats what she wants. She is so deluded. She's just using old Smokey, her new victim to get the money Smoke has from retirement from national guards and soon retirement as a State Trooper dooper. Smokey is a poor stupid b~, believing all her lies and thinking he has something special and for life. If I liked Smokey, I would have sent out a warning,but being that Smoke is a narcissistic b~, the creep gets what they deserve. Match made in hell. 

Jalk,

Karma is a btch! Don't look back. Hopefully you're past the validation phase. Just take comfort knowing that the poor narcissistic trooper is on the Titanic relationship and it will surely sink in a magnificent epic fashion...and you won't be on it! You no longer have to put up with the "looks"! Give it enough time and the two of them will drive each other nuts, act abrasive, abusive, blame the other, cause so much drama and trauma, etc...No need to stay close by to watch the ship sink. At least for me, it got boring and predictable. Another soul mate shot down - all his fault. Shocking? Not so much!

Thank the Lord I won't have to put up with those embarrasing episodes any more!  True horror stories I had there - that is just one of many, in just a three month period.

...but it was the BEST 3 months of your life I'm sure...not so much! Maybe if you ask your selfish exBPD! My exBPDgf only fell down in bars a couple of times before I had to literally carry her out. Yet she didn't have an alcohol problem! She's so self-centered she probably tried to convince herself that alcohol had a problem with HER! lmao! Seriously!

...reading all this stuff makes me SOOOOOOO happy that I'm free of all the "looks", drama, circular arguments, etc. etc.

-NHBB

[Noob]

Yet she didn't have an alcohol problem! She's so self-centered she probably tried to convince herself that alcohol had a problem with HER! lmao! Seriously!

Dang! That rough.

[Midushi]

I too have seen the physical changes in him when he goes into his rages.  His eyes get solid black.  It's as if I'm seeing pure evil.  I also notice some other physical changes in him even when he's not in a rage.  He was on the other side of the yard helping me vacuum the pool when I looked up at him and his entire facial features changed.  His smile was not like it normally is.  It looked sneady or something like that and his eyes changed also.  Not black this time but it was if I was looking at somebody else.  It really scared me.  It's hard to explain his physical changes to his face but it was not a look i've ever seen before.  I swear he was somebody else at that time.  I know BPD doesn't mean they have multiple personalies but he certainly looked like he did.  Very eerie!

[jalk]

Yes, I am past the validation phase. I am just amazed how I could have let this woman fool me into thinking she was sincere. I mean, I so see it now. Everything. Her rage and hate face going into her crying and sad face and then the final face of 'please don't leave me'.  She would actually say " I don't want to lose the best thing I ever had" and "I don't know why I am the way I am"...those kinda comments. Then she would also have a fearful, child-like face whenever she knew she did something that would irritate me. I am tellin ya...strange, strange, strange! Deranged, deranged, deranged.