Rough weekend

[Think About It...]

I am still studying lesson 1. I am working on setting limits. Over the weekend my uBPDH (I am unsure of the acronym) threatened me repeatedly throughout Friday evening and again on Saturday morning. I am not sure what upset him and I cannot speculate. I used to spend hours and days trying to figure out what it was that I did, and how I could have done things differently. Anyway, I left to run errands and when I got back, he was not home. He got in at 8:15 pm and was ready to go party but he was upset that I had just come out of the shower and I was not ready. I had not heard from him in hours and did not predict that he wanted to go out. When he began calling me names and talking about my daughter I told him that I loved him, I was taking a time out and going for a ride, and that I would be back. He said that if I walked out the door I was abandoning our home and I would not be allowed back inside.

I went down the end of our drive and parked across the street at my neighbor's house. He called me and texted me and tried to do and say things to make me feel bad. I turned my phone on silent and waited until 11pm to go back down my drive. I parked in my yard and waited for him to go to sleep so I could go inside. I have slept in my car more times than I care to count. After midnight I tried to get inside but he had barricaded the doors with furniture. I had to climb in a window to get in, again, not the first time that I have had to do this. I took pictures of the furniture piled up in front of the doors and considered what to do. I am so tired of doing this every few days. I want to have a little more normalcy in my life.

In the end, I climbed out the window and went back to my car to wait for him to let me in. By 4:00 am, he still hadn't moved the furniture, which was too heavy for me to move. I thought about the abuse that I had taken over the years and the fact that no one knows about it. I called the police and explained the situation. They knew that I had climbed into the window and back out again. They agreed to come out and file a report. In the meantime his alarm went off and woke him so he finally came out to get me. I told him that I had called the police and he went and took down the furniture and unlocked all the doors.

This report is just my word against his, the officer spoke with both of us and he denied locked the doors. I explained to the oficer that I felt guilty for calling them and that I felt that my actions were as petty as his. He asked me how many times this had happened before. I told him that it had happened many times. He asked how many times I told anyone and I told him that I never had. He said that all of the other times that things have happened and they went unreported it was just like nothing happened. It is nothing but slander and hearsay. But, this time there is a paper trail, which may not ever be needed, but I was strong enough to do it. He said that any time anything else happens, I need to call and file a report. It is not criminal, it is domestic and is treated as such until it is so out of hand that it becomes criminal.

I am still paying for this 2 days later. But I did tell my husband that I am setting up boundaries. I will not allow him to mistreat me like that anymore. If I had done something like this three years ago, I don't think it would have gotten so out of hand. I love my husband and I intend to stay and make this work, but I told him that I need to look out for me too. Is this wrong?

[Rushing2]

I am still studying lesson 1. I am working on setting limits. Over the weekend my uBPDH (I am unsure of the acronym) threatened me repeatedly throughout Friday evening and again on Saturday morning. I am not sure what upset him and I cannot speculate. I used to spend hours and days trying to figure out what it was that I did, and how I could have done things differently. Anyway, I left to run errands and when I got back, he was not home. He got in at 8:15 pm and was ready to go party but he was upset that I had just come out of the shower and I was not ready. I had not heard from him in hours and did not predict that he wanted to go out. When he began calling me names and talking about my daughter I told him that I loved him, I was taking a time out and going for a ride, and that I would be back. He said that if I walked out the door I was abandoning our home and I would not be allowed back inside.

I went down the end of our drive and parked across the street at my neighbor's house. He called me and texted me and tried to do and say things to make me feel bad. I turned my phone on silent and waited until 11pm to go back down my drive. I parked in my yard and waited for him to go to sleep so I could go inside. I have slept in my car more times than I care to count. After midnight I tried to get inside but he had barricaded the doors with furniture. I had to climb in a window to get in, again, not the first time that I have had to do this. I took pictures of the furniture piled up in front of the doors and considered what to do. I am so tired of doing this every few days. I want to have a little more normalcy in my life.

In the end, I climbed out the window and went back to my car to wait for him to let me in. By 4:00 am, he still hadn't moved the furniture, which was too heavy for me to move. I thought about the abuse that I had taken over the years and the fact that no one knows about it. I called the police and explained the situation. They knew that I had climbed into the window and back out again. They agreed to come out and file a report. In the meantime his alarm went off and woke him so he finally came out to get me. I told him that I had called the police and he went and took down the furniture and unlocked all the doors.

This report is just my word against his, the officer spoke with both of us and he denied locked the doors. I explained to the oficer that I felt guilty for calling them and that I felt that my actions were as petty as his. He asked me how many times this had happened before. I told him that it had happened many times. He asked how many times I told anyone and I told him that I never had. He said that all of the other times that things have happened and they went unreported it was just like nothing happened. It is nothing but slander and hearsay. But, this time there is a paper trail, which may not ever be needed, but I was strong enough to do it. He said that any time anything else happens, I need to call and file a report. It is not criminal, it is domestic and is treated as such until it is so out of hand that it becomes criminal.

I am still paying for this 2 days later. But I did tell my husband that I am setting up boundaries. I will not allow him to mistreat me like that anymore. If I had done something like this three years ago, I don't think it would have gotten so out of hand. I love my husband and I intend to stay and make this work, but I told him that I need to look out for me too. Is this wrong?