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Think About It...The basic premise of cognitive therapy is that the way we think about events in our lives (cognition) determines how we feel about them (emotions). ~ Jeffrey E. Young PH.D, Reinventing Your Life
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Author Topic: handling rejection  (Read 2159 times)
Hurtinky

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« Reply #60 on: July 22, 2011, 11:48:08 AM »

I went to see my exBPD girlfriend one weekend after not seeing her for three weeks. It's Friday..and of course..like anyone else would think...I thought we would spend some quality time together...go out to eat..do something together. She calls when she gets home from work...and I ask her what does she want to do...she says she has to pick up some decking boards...which I was Ok with that...and mow the yard. I was not ok with that one. For one, I could have mowed her yard that day. No problem...half and hour..done. Or better yet...her son..who was off work that day...could have mowed it. Anyway, I take her to get the decking boards...get to her house. I unload them for her and put them up. She fires up the lawn mower and starts mowing. Of course...I get a little pissed..right? I got me a cup of coffee and pulled out a cigar...stood on her deck and watched her mow. I could tell she was not happy with me. Well...she gets done...we are sitting on the deck...and she said she wondering if I was going to help mow. I looked at her incredibly and said..I haven't seen you in three weeks. I would think you would be glad to see me for one...and I damn sure didn't come here this evening to mow your yard. She tried to make me feel bad about it...and I think it flustered her that I didn't. I told her I could have done that earlier and freed up the time or it could have waited. Nothing around her house can wait! Of course...I knew what I was dealing with and no amount of reasoning was going to work. Of course..my feelings were already hurt. Again...she left me just about a month later. So, why do I think I am the crazy one!
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Marvin Martian
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The only easy day is yesterday.


« Reply #61 on: July 22, 2011, 03:31:59 PM »

Ok
I called my uBPDw to make a plan and she said she wasn't sure.
I called near the time of the plan and no answer.  This is very typical.  So I spend some time with my daughter.  Two hours later my w called and is very pert.  I didn't come home to see if she wanted to do something.  It didn't matter that I called and got no answer or that she didn't try to call me.  Nope, it's all my fault.

That's a typical exchange for me.  So I ask others if I'm nuts and they all see my logic and rejection.  Quietly I walk and tell myself that it's her illness.  That feels like shooting a water gun at a water buffalo.  Maybe one time I'll get it right in the eye.  I keep standing my ground.
Sounds like a typical exchange to me. It is a moving target, and no hope of being right. But its not about being right. Its about can she project onto you so she doesn't have to face her own fears and struggles. I suggest you keep repeating [to yourself] " its nothing personal, Its not me, I am the positive here" A little positive reinforcement for us.
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Coincidence
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Posts: 217


Let go and let God


« Reply #62 on: July 23, 2011, 06:25:30 AM »

Tanks MM
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It is what it is
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