My stepmother and my father

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My dad is uBPD and my stepmother has stayed for nearly 40 years. 

She doesn't seem to have figured out what is wrong with him or how she can handle things better but she is staying, they are nearly 80 now.  While we were visiting them he went off on her a couple of times - one we caused!  They sent us to buy chicken for dinner and she was supposed to pay for it and we wouldn't take the money.  He was terrible to her over it in front of my brother.  She just stood there looking shocked and embarassed.  Horrible thing to witness for him, he didn't see the way he treated our mom when we were kids, he was too young. 

I want to help her but don't know how to get information to her without him catching wind.  It wouldn't be safe probably for her to look up stuff online.  Such a terrible way to live!  If her last 10 years could be better it would be a blessing.  Any ideas?  She and I had some girl time and were able to talk about it.  She knows about my BPDh and that he is a lot like my dad - imagine that?  She was very interested in what I am learning here.  I can safely say that since I joined up here in May and started to work on me my marriage is 80% improved.  I am thinking we can talk on the phone and I can share.  That may also reinforce what I am trying to learn.
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[Aboutme2011]

My dad is uBPD and my stepmother has stayed for nearly 40 years. 

She doesn't seem to have figured out what is wrong with him or how she can handle things better but she is staying, they are nearly 80 now.  While we were visiting them he went off on her a couple of times - one we caused!  They sent us to buy chicken for dinner and she was supposed to pay for it and we wouldn't take the money.  He was terrible to her over it in front of my brother.  She just stood there looking shocked and embarassed.  Horrible thing to witness for him, he didn't see the way he treated our mom when we were kids, he was too young. 

I want to help her but don't know how to get information to her without him catching wind.  It wouldn't be safe probably for her to look up stuff online.  Such a terrible way to live!  If her last 10 years could be better it would be a blessing.  Any ideas?  She and I had some girl time and were able to talk about it.  She knows about my BPDh and that he is a lot like my dad - imagine that?  She was very interested in what I am learning here.  I can safely say that since I joined up here in May and started to work on me my marriage is 80% improved.  I am thinking we can talk on the phone and I can share.  That may also reinforce what I am trying to learn.
About