Thanks At_Bay for the reminders of how hard my last move was.. no nails for a month and bruised from head to toe. Remember that: Migraine the day I moved in and was OUT OF COMMISSION for quite some time. I think about a month.
so this time will be much better. As hard as it may still be, I can't imagine it being anywhere remotely close to resembling that Beverly Hillbilly move.. Or should I say.. City girl moving to the hills looking like granny and jed and ellie may and jethro bodeen!
Just got home since Friday! got up at 5am and only got 4 hours of sleep. got all the way to the courthouse and of course my sisters H's case was cancelled!@ But of course!
so at least I got home early and H did tons!
I am so pleased with what he was able to accomplish. He must have had some assistance from our worker friend that helps us a lot.
The pavers are moved and most of the wood and that rickety fence is gone. I have more rock to move/ ie river rock and my 200 bucks of gravel...
and of course all our packing.
But the landlord said we can move in our stuff immediately so yay for that. I can't wait to get our carpet in. H is there now with the measuring team.
so all and all it went really good. Sis and I had a disagreement on th eway home. remember she's BPD too and has been dx several times.
so its a good thing I have the experience from H to deal with her dysregulated moods from lack of sleep or whatever.. but it was a bit straining today on our way home.
I'm wondering if she is nervous about me being at her congregation ALL the time. I think i'm overthinking this but you know how sisters can be..
Thats why we had 3 days of learning how to apply patience, love and kindness and yeilding to ones in disagreements.
She was in a mood today and I felt a bit attacked.
Then she said she felt she couldn't even be herself around me since I'm so bossy and still treat her like my little sister.
I have had to be responsible for everyone in my family til just recently. My dad took care of her and I took care of my dad and kept her at bay so she couldn't manipulate my dad more.
that was before she was a Christian so I told her it is going to take time to build a new healthy r/s and not fall back into our old way of talking to each other.
I have absolutely no idea she thinks i'm being bossy then when I least expect it she explodes on me about something that happened yesterday.
I asked her if we could have a code word if i'm ever doing anything that is hurting her feelings so I can see my behavior and change it.
SHe takes that is me asking her to be the one to make the changes that are needed. I can't win here.. I know we are both tired and she is so stressed about her H in Jail for DV and her and I both summoned to testify but gooooo--lllleeeee! I am trying to keep the communication lines open so we can understand each other and every time I feel her attitude change some due to a way I said something I immediately address it and say.
"ya know sis, I felt that what I said may have offended you and I didn't mean to do that at all. If I EVER say or do anything that hurts your feelings please let me know then and there so I can change it and see how I am responding because I cannot tell how it affects you unless you tell me.
She says i've always treated her that way and she's no punk kid anymore and why should she be the one to always point things out, I should know how i act and ive been a Christian long enough to know better etc etc.. and then she said she can't even be herself around me.. that was hurtful to me to hear that.
So I said if she tried to help me see when I do something I am asking her so I can change it. It just made her more mad.
How should I address this. When we got in the car today at the Hotel I wanted to let her know that I was praying about us being able to have better communication and she had been holding something in from earlier this morning that I knew nothing about and I opened the floodgates.
We were packing and I said, "if you finish before I do, can you start packing up the car some?" she said "Sure, no prob" then we both got ready and I was about to walk out the door and she said.
"im getting the push cart for our stuff..(we had put most of our stuff in the night before and could of carried the remainder.) so I said..
No sis, we don't need that.. we can handle this..
I didn't say it like.. NO! don't do that! I just said it like "Hey NO sis we got this." and in the car she said I was telling her what to do and she wanted to get that cart so why did I have to say that.
I said. "If ya felt that way just tell me, I would of said.. OK? no problem.. it wouldn't of mattered if I knew you really wanted it. and she said then that I'm PUSHY and BOSSY and rude to her and I was really surprised. I know she's BPD and she is flared up emotionally bigtime but how can I keep my safe distance from this and learn to connect better with her if we have incidents such as this?
Her and I hugged and she said she would be over tomorrow to help me pack but there is that underlying unsettling feeling here that I always try to resolve as soon as I can but it is backfiring for some reason. Usually wwe are fine so i know its all the pressure but i still have to think about this as well since I have not one but two loved ones with BPD and this is trying at times.. I can't do anything right.. and I know thats not true.
and she pulled out the Your an only child, spoiled that the world revolved around.. harsh huh?
I was raiised by my mom, her only child and was very pampered and she had a very hard life in drugs and in and out of prison and I get attacked for that. I didn't make the rules.. we got the hand we were dealt, and it was no bed of roses for me either. I told her that but she thinks NOONE has made mor changes or had to overcome more than her since I had it so good.
I'm realizing we don't even really know each other that well. I have been caring for our dad and my mom for the last 5 yrs and then my marriage while she ran the streets doing drugs until 2 yrs ago when she turned her life around and I'm so grateful to God she is here and I have her now but how do I help her understand i'm trying here without making it worse.. I want to be so close to her. I hope its possible.
any suggestions. I know its off the topic but we will be working on my house all month and next month so its important!
thanks friends.. so so much.. love 1bg