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Think About It...The basic premise of cognitive therapy is that the way we think about events in our lives (cognition) determines how we feel about them (emotions). ~ Jeffrey E. Young PH.D, Reinventing Your Life
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Author Topic: So much for regulation/ The roller coaster continues...  (Read 4003 times)
1bravegirl
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« Reply #60 on: August 28, 2011, 06:28:12 PM »

So glad to hear the news about your aunt At_Bay.. What a relief..
I know how bad it could of been so this is a welcomed report!
How awesome that the caretaker has an opening now as well.

So things sure do have a way of working themselves out.

I got to rest up today and focus on spiritual things.  H spent the day doing stuff at the new place and it was nice to have some quiet time here with just me and the animals and studying in quiet.

I am tired though and H is as well.  We meet with the landlord tomorrow to discuss the final paperwork and monies so its closer than we think! It went from moving in from the 15th of Sept to the 10th and now the 5th!   We are pretty anxious to just get there at this point.

Bitter sweet with the memories I have of this place and how much i've learned and grown along the way..  couldn't of done it without the tremendous support of good friends like yourself and so many others. 

Sending happy thoughts right back atcha friend.. Empathy
Love 1bg
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C12P21
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« Reply #61 on: August 29, 2011, 05:56:15 PM »

Quote
Bitter sweet with the memories I have of this place and how much i've learned and grown along the way..  couldn't of done it without the tremendous support of good friends like yourself and so many others. 
You have come a long way my friend and are about to embark on another chapter. Of all the memories that those four walls hold, what ones will you take away and keep forever? Just curious.
Take care and love to you,
C
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C12P21 "and she lived happily ever after.."
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« Reply #62 on: August 29, 2011, 06:13:40 PM »

I think you need to leave the sorry SOB
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #63 on: August 29, 2011, 10:04:07 PM »

Please, don't sugarcoat it Jim..  just say how ya feel eh?  lol

I was in agreement with that line of thinking for many a months and would of kept that way of thinking if there was a need to. And if there ever is a need to rehash that one, well that isn't something I would avoid if there was that type of need. Its all about what I can do in order to stay true to myself first off and of course keep working with my H as he makes progress and we both put forth the effort to be one here..  illness or no illness..

I am pretty confident made the right decision though.  
He's come a long long way from the abusive bully he was for all those years and he's trying to love himself and be thoughtful.

He does so much more than I even thought was possible.  The intimate level of our r/s is a work in progress but it seems to be falling into place.  It is pretty encouraging to see the difference between this move and the last several over the past 20 plus years.

We have been working together for a week now and even with the nitpicking and him reminding me.."don't forget to turn that off, and did you turn off the water?"  it still is a far cry from the way it was.
I just remind him.. "H... I am a grown up and lived on my own for 2 yrs and not once did I leave the water on, k? I got this. rest your head, you need not worry about me ok?"" or something to that affect.

and he just says.. I was only ... etc.. fill in the rest..   but i see the potential and I feel the connection still and wouldn't want it any other way.
If I had to pick between living alone now the way things are or staying in my r/s for life, I'd have to say staying is what I would pick.   I still want it to improve in many area's but I think it can.

I know it can.  So thats why I choose us.  
but I understand how you feel.  I really do..  but this time around I am more equipt to deal with the issues that arise..   sometimes not as well but you no.. such is life..  take good care Jim.. smiley

Hi C..   thanks mama..    I will miss so much of me putting my yard together and just creating my little piece of paradise.. my first siting of the deer's lying in my backyard and the bear walking under my deck.. all my own memories..  me and the dogs.. and of course just that feeling of accomplishment!
I made it!

actually that was the title of my post here once I got here. remember? I was soooo tore up! but girl.. I made it!
and i'll continue to make it..   and be happy doing it!  I got a feelin on this one.. and its a real good one C..

love you too baby..  1bg
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #64 on: August 30, 2011, 12:33:30 AM »

I was just thinking while walking under the stars of the heavens and seeing a shooting star zip right across the sky, and thought how awesome its been to live here and have such beauty all around me.

I thought about C's question again and what it is ill take away from here in the form of meaningful memories and what will stay and actually there have been so many good things that happened here.

The growth as a woman and feeling good within my own skin happened right here. I just realized that tonight.

I was very body image conscious and worried about this not perfect or not having this look or feeling fat or whatever..  And actually now I look back at pictures of me even a year or two ago and I was skinny and looked good!  What was my problem!  It is so mental / it has to be.

I am 10 lbs heavier and a little older and like myself now more than I did a year or two ago.   I can actually love all of me for who I am right this very moment! That is so huge.  All 154 lbs of me! 

I held fast at 144 for forever but was never content with who I was.. Probably cause I was in a very unhappy r/s.

But now at almost 48 y/o and actually kinda fit for the most part, even if i'm a bit thicker..  I have lost that low body image that used to torture me.  Isn't that awesome?  I just reflected on that tonight and was very happy with my personal growth.

I wasted so much time waiting to be this way or that way befor I felt I was ok and now I have found a release from that loathing way of thinking.

I can't say when it happened but I know it happened right here.. I know what I want and who I am so much more clearer now that I can appreciate me for who and what I am and love me finally.  This is really big for me and i'm so grateful that I was able to be asked a few questions that helped bring it to the fore.. Thank you C and Jim too.

You made me ponder over the pro's and con's of life before and after and how before the separation I was with him and the pro's side was sooo small. I couldn't understand why I was with him still.. It made me feel like a failure.

Then after this period now and thinking about that list, the pro's side is so much larger and now it makes sense to be here and be able to feel ok with where we're at and why i'm here working thru things even when it still stings at times and makes me sad at times, the good stuff still is giving the bad a run for its money..   the list is looking more like something I can realistically work with and not feel like i'm really short changing myself in life. So that was nice to think about.

I had a really good conversation with myself tonight and also praying to God about how I can still make personal application in my life to keep my heart pure and honest as I stay strong and determined to be the best person I can..   imperfections and all..

just thought i'd share my insight into myself..   lol   night all.
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C12P21
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« Reply #65 on: August 30, 2011, 07:52:26 PM »


Quote
The growth as a woman and feeling good within my own skin happened right here. I just realized that tonight.
So happy you realize this about yourself, it as if we on these boards have witnessed a flower opening, reading your insights.  Empathy
Quote
I am 10 lbs heavier and a little older and like myself now more than I did a year or two ago.   I can actually love all of me for who I am right this very moment! That is so huge.  All 154 lbs of me!
A little more seasoned and a whole lot wiser and gentler with self.
Quote
Thank you C and Jim too.
wink
Quote
I wasted so much time waiting to be this way or that way befor I felt I was ok and now I have found a release from that loathing way of thinking

Doing the right thing
Quote
the good stuff still is giving the bad a run for its money..   the list is looking more like something I can realistically work with and not feel like i'm really short changing myself in life. So that was nice to think about.

I had a really good conversation with myself tonight and also praying to God about how I can still make personal application in my life to keep my heart pure and honest as I stay strong and determined to be the best person I can..   imperfections and all.

You have come a long way, you were able to make it on your own with all that adversity and set backs, you determined what was in YOUR best interest and you established boundaries and created a life for yourself, on your terms. 
Good night and thanks for sharing.  Hi!
C
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C12P21 "and she lived happily ever after.."
1bravegirl
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« Reply #66 on: August 31, 2011, 12:03:47 AM »

Ahh...Thank you C,

I love sharing things with ones that know where i'm coming from. Its like talking about old times with the few family members or friends that were there with you and really get it.  That means so much to me.. You truly were there from the very beginning and I thank you so much..  Empathy  

I had another really busy productive day with this move.  H was there from really early, the carpet was installed.. *omg.. it looks sooo good! ***

My sister helped me again all day long and we cleaned this place like crazy.. packed our lil behinds off and shoveled my salt and pepper gravel that i bought for the front yard (remember?) it was like over 200 bucks so its coming with me!

WE got about a good 9 box fulls and what a difference it made in the yard at the new house. There is already a good amount there in the back but with the fresh new rock i have, it just looks so much cleaner.. and I have my flagstone that I set as a pathway around our big covered deck in the back.. So nice.. And the A/C guy came and so far so good.

What a blessing.. Central Air.. finally! Now thats livin...  Doing the right thing

And the carpet in the master and in our wall to wall closets look sweet!
So now tomorrow we can move all our clothes and get er done...

We just dont' have the strength or man power yet to do the few heavy things.. but we'll get there. I think i'll get a small U Haul Friday and hire a few guys for 10 bucks an hour.. and just knock it out that way..

So we are sooo excited. H has been so motivated to work this time around. Hes dead dog tired wasted tonight so i'm laying low.. he's ok, but i'm not gonna push it.    he wants to go to bed at 10:30 so I may be right there with him.. We worked our booty's off today boy. and sis was such a huge help!
And they showed the house to a family today so we got done in the nick of time. They really loved it too.. so thats cool..
We got out and they come in.. (suckers!)   I bet she wont tell them they'll be living on a BEAR trail..   lol

well i'm going to retire for the night..  thanks again my dear friend.. it has been so enlightening for me here.  I will cherish these memories forever!

love ya's 1bg
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At_Bay
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« Reply #67 on: August 31, 2011, 12:21:15 AM »

Moving your pretty yard to the new place is a great idea after all the work you did getting it there. Glad you have some help, and your sister has been there.

Yeah, Bear Tr. I'll bet she doesn't either. Does the place have a name? I offer The Den.

Good luck with the rest of the move.

Goodnight to you.
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #68 on: August 31, 2011, 12:26:31 AM »

ha! The Den is perfect!  i'll put it in the suggestion box!  I don't think she'll be offering that little piece of info up huh?  but the neighbors may share it with them as they did with me..  after the fact! after he was in my yard! 

Yes sister has been a gem, no dysregulation since our trip and being very balanced and loving. I'm very grateful and today told her so.. how much i am so so grateful for her hard work ... she cleaned the baths the sliding door,s vacuumed, has brought me lunch.. i fed her today.

now i'll be a mile awy from her or less and i hope we can rebuild a good r/s with healthy limits and really enjoy each other..

love to you At_Bay.. and night night..
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C12P21
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« Reply #69 on: August 31, 2011, 12:37:13 AM »

Quote
My sister helped me again all day long and we cleaned this place like crazy.. packed our lil behinds off and shoveled my salt and pepper gravel that i bought for the front yard (remember?) it was like over 200 bucks so its coming with me!
Oh my goodness, you must be sore from shoveling rock..and hauling it to the new place. I love the image I have in my head of you and your sis, working away at getting the rock up.
Quote
We got out and they come in.. (suckers!)   I bet she wont tell them they'll be living on a BEAR trail..   lol
Oh my, they will soon find out.
Quote
  he wants to go to bed at 10:30 so I may be right there with him.. We worked our booty's off today boy. and sis was such a huge help
Sounds like it..time for a bath, bath salts and a good nights sleep. Glad you are getting off Walton's Mt-and on with your adventure.
Good night 1BG and thanks for your kind words.
C
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #70 on: August 31, 2011, 01:33:01 AM »

I know huh?  I feel bad about the neighbors moving into the DEN of bears... whats a girl to do?  cool  I mean it is pretty clear we are in the deep neck of the forest here without any city life in sight.. not even a street light for miles..  so go figure..  I want to tell them but i may not ever see them again... cool

But on to your visual.. Its a good one.. We were a mess out there.  I have an old rickety wheel barrel that doesn't balance well and several times we had it full to the rim and bam! the darn thing tipped right over on its side.. I could hear my sis from the garage saying.. Darnit!  and I laughed to myself.. and then went out there and started shoveling it all back in..

then we had to (both of us) push that heavy thing up my steep driveway to the SUV and her car parked on the street. It was a hoot alright.

But we got a lot done. Barely made a dent! I thinkI need to find some kids for this job.  Its a killer.. you should of seen us sweatin like two contruction workers.. all red faced. and cut offs on with thongs..  the shoes that is.. lol!

so that was a bonding experience.. and we will do it again Thursday.. tomorrow is just Hubby and I.. my sissy needs a rest and will do her ministry tomorrow and keep it balanced. I think thats very smart.

Yep, i'm still up.. I wanted a little more 'me' time before I wrapped it up here. I'll be in bed by 11:45 asleep by midnight.. no doubt.

But i'm a little sad inside for this place and now when I walk the dogs at night I am savoring the moments of my starry starry nights.. and the shooting stars I have enjoyed and not knowing really how the other house will actually be at 10 or 11 at night. I mean they all are without street lights so thats good..  and the area that the new house is in is a court with Drs and big wigs on the end of the canyon.. Beautiful homes built on long driveways that go out into the canyon as far as one can get without falling into it! so its a very safe area and kinda upity... so that may be a good thing for safety but they probably dont like people trespassing on the property and i'm an adventurer.. I'll just have to get permission... grin
I will find out whats what soon enough..

but another amazing evening of the clearest sky and stars galore.. I'm in awe of this weeks weather in the evening.. so hot during the day but a great cooldown at night..   i'm diggin that.

tomorrow should be cooler yet, about 82 or so.. perfect for transferring all my clothes and stuff and H will set up his kitchen and get his pantry all fixed up.   Oh yeah we have a huge pantry for all his cooking supplies.. he even painted it too.. so he's excited..   I can't wait to get everything in somewhat order. I know that will be the hard part.

Remember when I moved to that place right before here, how long it took me to put up one picture.. I was sooooo depressed. I had forgotten how hard of a time that was.. Kinda like childbirth.. you forget once you have that beautiful joy of love in your arms. for me it was the beauty of life again once I could think straight enough to appreciate it..  lol

so i'm tired.. fighting it i guess..  its almost here and i'm just a little nervous of the unknown.. but its not bad.. i'm very positive where this move is concerned so whatever lies ahead will be made into a very good thing..   We can do that ya no?  I found that out.. If something doesn't feel right, change it!   We can actually do that..  isn't that an amazing thing to understand at almost 50?  i'd say so..
I'm learning new things every single day and I'm really looking forward to helping others again.

I've been out of my realm for quite some time now when the old me was always reaching out to ones in need and making a difference in the lives of the less advantaged, but the last several years after the caretaking i've been more or less a recluse and really isolated myself compared to how I used to be.  So I am praying to God this will finally be the time in my life that I can get out of the rut i've fallen into where lack of socialization was a factor/is a factor and off of the mountain will help a lot.   Everything is so close to me now.  I can see a difference just leaving there today to go to the bank and my sisters house.  all so close..  what a treat..

so thats it..  love ya's  1bg
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C12P21
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« Reply #71 on: August 31, 2011, 09:56:42 PM »

Quote
So I am praying to God this will finally be the time in my life that I can get out of the rut i've fallen into where lack of socialization was a factor/is a factor and off of the mountain will help a lot.   Everything is so close to me now.  I can see a difference just leaving there today to go to the bank and my sisters house.  all so close..  what a treat..
You will get there 1BG and from what I read of your posts, you are enjoying the journey as well as the destination.
G'night
C
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #72 on: September 06, 2011, 12:23:54 PM »

Thanks C...  Your a doll..  And I concur.. I will get there..   and we did make it to our new house without too much drama..

Some minor setbacks but nothing too horrible.  H got a bit huffy a few times but I immediately put my tools into action and curbed it quickly.

Our new home is lovely.. Kinda like childbirth.. (or so i've been told)  its hard as heck havin um but once there here ya love them so much and forget all that pain.. right?

so now we are here and tired as all get out but we'll manage...i'll write a new topic on this one here..  it could of been a sit com with all that it had in it.   Have to laugh or we'll cry kinda thing..   but overall its salvagable.. lol   i'm just soooo sore!

ok, i'm sure this post is just about his-to-ree. so thanks all, its been fun and hope you had a great weekend..  love 1bg
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« Reply #73 on: September 06, 2011, 01:21:29 PM »

 Hi!  I was wondering how the move was going, good to hear you are getting it done.

Maybe you could talk about those tools when you have a moment?  I know it might be a while!  Empathy
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1bravegirl
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« Reply #74 on: September 06, 2011, 10:12:52 PM »

Hello friend...

Yep, the move was like a never ending task.. It didn't pay having 2 weeks to move into the new place and feel it helped with my psyche, thats for sure... uggh..  I think H and I must of loaded up our SUV's like 2 times a day for almost 2 weeks..  yep.. craaaaazy huh?
Then when it came down to the day of the move (Friday) I had a truck (UHAUL) all ready to go and a friend that was helping us offered his trailer instead.. I didn't know he had a trailer but he was very adament to just allow him to use his and his brother will help as well.

Soo... I cancelled my killer deal on a 17ftr for 29 bucks and waited for them..  To OUR Dismay they pulled up in a small garden type trailer with ply wood for sides.. you know the type right? shocked

So what should of been like maybe 2 hours loading our frig, w/d bed/ dressers, ET Center, Huge Amoire, large leather couch, Pier one fat cushy indian chair with ottoman, gas confection oven, large 1950 bbq that looks like a big silver bullet, rattan table, and thats about it, all that took them about 5 trips~~~~~!
So, what should of been a short amount of time ended up an all day thing..  it was kinda funky.

don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate their help but I really thought they were coming with a big hauler...

I even asked if I can just go get the truck since I didn't realize it would take so many trips. *plus H was lookin kinda tired...*  but at that point H was like, "nah, forget it, will just make this work..." and that was that.

So to make matters worse they dug a huge rip into my kitchen floor moving the huge double wide Kenmore Elite Refrigerator and that was just crazy..  I mean its like all crinkled up in a huge area..

I asked H how that happened and he didn't have a clue.. He said his frig is on wheels.. lol   go figure.

I know the guys that helped us are mountain men but maybe a little too country.. ? dunno.. Great guys, just not very gentle with things.. H and them are 3 pea's in a pod. let me tell ya..   not good for the stuff...

Then they get over here and i'm waiting for them to return and cleaning the entire house up, *yep, I got stuck cleaning that house anyway.. and my sister came thru bigtime!  she has a new carpet cleaner and we cleaned the heck out of that carpet..  the place looks great.*

So they get over here and even though we measured the area where the frig would go, I didn't remember nor did H, to measure the area that walks you into the kitchen thru this little isle way..  

Well the frig didn't fit at all and they scratched my floor here trying to get the old one out!  And it was a dinosaur too..

so this one wasn't too bad as far as aesthetics goes but still, H had to glue it down and make it hidden.(did a good job too..)..

So thats what I meant about laughing or you'd cry kinda move.

And then most of our stuff is still in boxes in the garage.. but we are at least up and running with the main stuff.

H set up our livingroom beautifully and I decorated after him.. and he put the kitchen together and I got my book shelves all in place in the bedroom.. the yard is exquisite..  Doing the right thing
I have it looking so pretty.. and the doggies are happy now that we connected more fencing for them to run under the carport and along side the backyard..   we have a nice 2 car garage but also a carport along side the back of the house with a huge driveway that runs the whole length of the house in the back..  kinda weird but really cool..  and the cyclone fence lines the backyard *(decent size but has all my s/p gravel and dogs don't really like that..)in the circle of the driveway.. inside of it..  if that makes sense.

So we have our frig in the garage, which isn't too bad since the garage is very nice and insulated and clean but still a drag... I went today and bought a small one for inside the kitchen to put on a table in the frig area.. just big enough for the basics..  milk, butter, water, soda, you know..  so we don't always have to take those extra 10 steps.. lol  grin

And...we finally got our phone and internet set up yesterday.. yep, didn't work til then so we were on our cells only.

Still no cable and may not get it at all now.   We can do netflicks on our bigscreen that has wireless connection and we can get the basic channels so we're good.

Overall, we are doing ok. Both of us are so tired and tore up we just moan and groan as we pass each other by in the house but the house is so nice. what a nice change..  
and the central air is working now that H went under the crawl space and adjusted a few things that were broken.

He is pretty talented..    and i'm very grateful for that.

Oh yeah, I was going to share the tools i used.. Well when he would get short with me I would just firmly say how that tone made me feel and I would appreciate it if he wouldn't talk to me like that.   Most times he would say he didn't mean anything by it or just apologize and say he's just tired or in pain.  and i'd remind him, i'm in pain too but I don't talk to you that way or take it out on you and its not ok.  You have to really make up your mind to talk to me differently when your not feeling good.

He said he'd work on it but then it happened again.  finally on Saturday I was too tired to put up with the irritated mood swings (which I understand; its just not ok with me..)  and I loaded up the dogs and drove about 45 minutes to 5500 ft elevation and found the most amazing lake ever!

We had a blast! The dogs were runnin around all crazy, swimming, I was meeting so many nice people, roaming the countryside nearbye the lake and just really taking it all in.  I was gone for like 5 or 6 hours and didn't evenknow it.. oops... my bad.. ;p
I didn't have cell reception either so H was really worried.  I didn't plan on doing that, it just was one of those last minute thiings.

When I finally got reception, I called and he said.."Where the hell did you go?  I said the lake way up high elevation... and he said he called the police and they are looking for me..  oh great..  thats all I need right?

I had the best day ever and lord knows I needed it just to get out of the stressfulness of the move and back to whats important.. enjoying life..
and I lost track of time.  
I apologized and brought home dinner and he was upset but was more glad that I was ok..  He didn't stay upset long and was fine by bedtime.

but after that he mellowed out and it kinda helped switch gears for both of us..    
I told him we both need to go to that lake and how awesome it is..
We'll be going there together soon..

So now I sit in my swivel rattan chair in the backyard looking at so many stars in a very secluded area here and I couldn't be happier with our decision to move here.. It's a lot noisier thats for sure..  Crickets and more crickets.. lol  but basically thats about it..  overall, its still Gods Country and really pretty.. just closer to everything..   

Thank You Dear God for helping us get here..

It was a good thing to do..   even if we got a few bumps and bruises along the way..  
Sister is a mile away and i'll say good bye to my congregation this week and join her on sunday..  

well thats it for this chapter of my book of life..  on my move.  more tools are in the works here, just too tired to share or think of them at present..  its a process..    i'm growing every single day..   so thats good huh?  
love ya guys and thanks for all your support..  boy am I so sore!  

night all  love  
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« Reply #75 on: September 06, 2011, 10:58:02 PM »

I am off to bed and thanks for the update. I know it was a difficult move but honestly, I am laughing..its just so..human. I can just see your face as the guys drove up in the trailer... lol Empathy  and then the floor? Holy Cow. lol lol
You must have been at your wits end..the H calls the police because he is worried. lol
Well, 1BG all is I cans say is this-it aint never dull is it?
Love to you and enjoy those stars I am off to bed myself.
C12p21
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« Reply #76 on: September 07, 2011, 11:20:13 AM »

I know C!  I would love a little dullness...  I think..   ?   Yep, dull is good.  You can't make this stuff up! right?

Those guys were a riot.. they were singing and telling silly jokes and just silly.  But very happy men...   grin  Just a little clutsy is all... ? ;p

But I tell ya, my H and them were kinda similar..  H isn't as happy and silly but the lughead mentality at times.. oh yeah, that was familar.. but not in a duh george way... just moving too fast and not thinking it through kinda way..  too funny..

So now we have like 3 bowls, 2 coffee mugs *thank god! * and a few plates.. everything else is under 19 boxes of stuff..   and we can't find our dishrack...

the little things.. but the livingroom rocks... and the yard is the bomb...  and my bedroom is looking good enough for now..  so i guess we're ok... as far as progress goes..   i'm still so tired.. no work yet this week..  enjoying the break, just low on dough...  love ya friend.. 
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C12P21
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« Reply #77 on: September 08, 2011, 12:23:45 AM »

Quote
but not in a duh george way... just moving too fast and not thinking it through kinda way..  too funny..

So now we have like 3 bowls, 2 coffee mugs *thank god! * and a few plates.. everything else is under 19 boxes of stuff..   and we can't find our dishrack...

Kind of reminds me of the guys that never ask for directions..just on the road and moving along. lol
Oh well, maybe you should buy paper plates and cups until you are unpacked.  wink Saves on dishes. Hmmm, he might have just been onto something.
Quote
the little things.. but the livingroom rocks... and the yard is the bomb...  and my bedroom is looking good enough for now..  so i guess we're ok... as far as progress goes..   i'm still so tired.. no work yet this week..  enjoying the break, just low on dough...  love ya frien
Doing the right thing  
Ditto.
C
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C12P21 "and she lived happily ever after.."
Annaleigh
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« Reply #78 on: September 08, 2011, 08:03:27 AM »

I wanted to post quickly before they close the thread.  smiley

That's where I need to be stronger, BG1, is saying something like you did.  Right now, I ignore when the little anger monster does a poke.  I can feel my anxiety rise and I think that is what I need to explore, the anxiety and how to overcome it.  Like you did! 

Reading about the move made me feel tired, I can imagine how exhausting this is for the both of you.  I hope it is mostly done now and for some relaxing time.  I think you said that the dogs now have a yard and you don't have to watch them so closely, that must be a great relief.  I have to watch my puppy every second because he will get into anything in seconds.  rolleyes A 65 pound terror.  lol

Praying for your new home to be blessed.  So proud of you for learning so much about taking care of you and learning to diffuse situations before they become unmanagable.   Doing the right thing

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« Reply #79 on: September 08, 2011, 05:11:27 PM »

Thank's to you both for the kudo's..  I really appreciate the support.

C, you are so right.. they are the guy's that will NOT ask for directions to save his life!  I don't know what thats all about? It baffles the mind..   Once my H had us driving in circles in San Francisco looking for a 6 star Chinese Dumpling restaurant and refused to let me pop my head out and ask the person next to us at a light.. 
Next time I will just DO IT!   I was too subdued then.. not any more.
Life is too precious.  I don't have time to drive in circles for anyone! Especially when its a PRIDE thing.. come on! give me a break.

I don't ask all crazy or anything.. don't know why it would make him embarrassed?   weird men..   ?

so anyhoo.. you are right on chicka..  paper plates it is! I even bought the holders for them today..  lol   gonna be a long one..  (using them that is..) 

So today I took my dogs down a crazy road that was worse than the lake road!  It was about 30 minutes of almost knock your tires off your SUV kinda road.. Whats wrong with me>><<?   I dunno.
But at the end of this killer road is the bottom of the Canyon and the prettiest river ever.. My dogs were swimmin and loving life. And so was I. Just a few too many bugs trying to land on my eyes..  like what? Im a horse or something..   darn bugs!  ;p
I was swattin those suckers the entire time. kinda took a bit of the fun out of it.. but we were cool in the water.. so I stayed in the river a lot.
some of it was ankle deep but some was waist high.. and my chow/retriever/shepherd who swims like he's all feet, finally felt good enough to try and swim and enjoy himself. I was soo proud of him.

He would swim a little then go back where he could touch; then go back out again (on his own) and swim to me and then return to the shallow area.  it was a huge accomplishment for this 80 lb guy.. baby huey..     grin  I never knew a dog that couldn't swim til this oone here. My other husky is an otter.. and  will go down stream with a fast current if I don't watch him.. hes craaaaa-zeeee..  bigtime.
So thats was that.. 
I know.. Im so tired still but something keeps driving me on to take advantage of the down time from work.  they haven't called me at all this week.. not sure whats up, but I did ask for a lot of time off to move and maybe their makin me pay for it..
Oh well, i'll figure something out.  I'm enjoying the time to do whatever.

I'll get to the boxes this weekend.. H is whooped bad.  but still being nice and fixing us dinner.. not his usual good cookin but he's trying..  i'm grateful for a bowl of slop at this point.

last night he fried chicken so i'll eat a few pieces of that tonight.  just keepin it easy..

well got my christian meeting tonight where i'll say so long for now.. then i'll be with sis from then on.. so thats exciting.
I rented out my old place and got 100 bucks.. whippee!

My landlord still uses me from time to time to show places and since I had my keys, i showed it and they took it!  so that will help.

im hungry kids..   beena long day.. you should of seen my white Suv.. i had to clean it so badly..  it was a muddy mess! and so were the boys..  and me too! 

Anna  you keep addressing your feelings friend, its so important to try and do that in a way that helps you feel some relief but not in a way where he'll attack you more. Its a fine line but we usually know what and when to say what's needed in order to get the best response.. so keep praying about it and it will help you feel soooo much better..
love ya both..  fried chicken time.   1bg
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