Painted Black

[Think About It...]

Today makes one week since my exBPD painted me black and shut me out of her life. She has blocked my number on her cell. I woke up this morning contemplating texting from another phone just to arrange exchange of personal belongings. I know it would NOT be the right or good thing to do. I'm struggling today. Never been this long without contact. I can't get her out of my head.
Encouraging words would be great right now.

[Card1]

Today makes one week since my exBPD painted me black and shut me out of her life. She has blocked my number on her cell. I woke up this morning contemplating texting from another phone just to arrange exchange of personal belongings. I know it would NOT be the right or good thing to do. I'm struggling today. Never been this long without contact. I can't get her out of my head.
Encouraging words would be great right now.

[MindfulJavaJoe]

Hi Card1

It is not easy in the ealy stages. You will feel a huge sense of loss and are grieving.

The pain you are feeling is normal and will help you heel. 

I would make no efforts to contact her. If you gave a mutual friend you can drop her things off there.

You might be best to forget about your things unless they are very important to you.

Try to post some more about your story and what you are going through. Get out and get some fresh air and exercise. Try to socialise with friends and family. Don't burden them with this. Save that for your therapist...get a therapist if you do not have one.

Be kind to yourself. You did the right thing posting this today. I had to reach out for support here all the time in the early days. 

[FindingMe2011]

Card1,

   I can sympathize with your situation. Been there. Its called FOG (fear, obligation, guilt, there is a link below ). If you do make contact with BPD , you are not going to get validation from BPD, or anything else you are looking for. Athough you are only a week in, whatever progress you have made ( may not be much ), will be lost. If you stay no contact. You are this much closer to becoming your old self. You need to start putting yourself first. It was a change of thinking for me. So this is not achieved easily, and I still struggle, with my old ways of thinking. I cant expect myself to do in months, what I have done, in the rest of my existance. Its a process, one that cant be rushed. But if done correctly. You can be much more healthier, than before BPD.  PEACE





 http://BPDfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.5;wap2

[BrokenBeat&Scarred]

Card1,

welcome to the family!

Yes the very beginning is the absolute worst.  I was totally numb to every thing. I remember feeling like and empty shell with a dead soul inside.  This is really hard to get through.

MJJ is right, don't stay idle, get with friends.  Don't bog them down with it all. It's healthy to talk about it, let them know your situation, then let it go.  I was terrible at this, and people became even more distant, causing even more depression.  The best thing to do is when you feel like a balloon full of BPD air about to pop, come on here and post it out.  It is the best therapy.  You will find really good advice, and compassionate people that will help dust you off.

I did get a therapist and highly recommend it, however finding this board was a god send and help ease the pain more.   Therapy, for me, has been a journey to fix some things about me I've carried with me my whole life. (two different purposes...)

Read the articles especially this one.
http://www.BPDfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

That article helped TREMENDOUSLY to understand why I felt the way I did, and reassured me I'm not the only person in this.  

I'm sorry you are feeling the pain you are, but we have all been there.  Welcome to the new start of the new you.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Card1]

I do have a T and she has helped with my focus on myself. I do feel as though my friends are exhausted with me. The sad thing is, my property that she has is an antique bed that's a family heirloom. The mutual friend thing might be worth exploring. My r/s lasted year and half with another female. She is undiagnosed BPD, but I have no doubt she is inflicted with this horrible disorder. Our r/s was a rollercoaster ride filled with abuse,lies, manipulation, cheating. She ended it this time after becoming friends with a coworker. She blames me for everything. Says my jealousy and inability to trust her caused her to leave. She continued to lie about her r/s with this guy, until I finally proved it all to be a lie last week. She has now cut me out of her life completely. Not only did she hurt me and break my heart, she left for a guy which is hard to accept when you are a lesbian in a normal r/s.