Hope cannot be for changing other people. Hope can be for ourselves and our children to grow to handle with grace the vicissitudes of life.
I feel for you, CD as you desire the best possible outcome for the children. I made the mistake of begging my exH to seek professional help for his disorder. He would go, then quit and this was his pattern. After the divorce, I once again tried to get him to seek help. He didn't and only became angry with me.
Once I quit focusing on his disorder-I realized the only thing I could do was try to build safety nets around our children. We attended T, family classes, and when the kids would discuss their D, I tried so hard to remain neutral so they could trust me with their confused and conflicted emotions about him.
My efforts paid off. Although my son has some emotional pain over an emotionally unavailable dad that is indifferent to him and undependable, my son also knows its his father problem, not him. My older kids with the exception of one child, knows this too.
Keep you healthy, keep those communication lines open, and love your child. Its the best you can do.