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Author Topic: Christmas arrangements.  (Read 539 times)
Matt
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« on: December 20, 2011, 12:01:33 PM »

Haven't seen any threads about this, and it's always an issue...

Married 12 years, separated just before Christmas 2006, divorce final mid-2008.  Kids now 13 and 15, stepkids 22 and 34.

For a year or two I had big dinners at my house - Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays.  It went OK but I decided it wasn't the best thing.  My wife had behaved very badly - false accusations which she never told the kids weren't true - and it wasn't really honest to treat her like family after that.  The kids still ask about having dinners together but we haven't done that in awhile.

This year SD22 is coming home.  Her flight gets in Saturday morning, and if there is time we'll go visit SS34, who she hasn't seen in awhile.  He's in prison so we can't have a Christmas like we would like to, but he'll be very glad if we can see him.

Then home and SD will stay with us just one night, and open presents Christmas morning.  I had proposed to their mom to bring them all (S13, D15, SD22) over there so they could spend the rest of the day with her.  No response.

Yesterday I sent a note asking Ex if she could take SD22 back to the airport later in the week.  She replied that she could, and said she had a turkey and would I want to have a big dinner or should she fix dinner and I could come over.  I repeated the plans I had proposed earlier and said, "I have other plans for dinner" (which involve my microwave and football).  She said OK.

It will work out fine - always sad not to have it like it should be but I'll be exhausted by the time I drop the kids off with their mom and I wouldn't enjoy being in her home (and I've never had her in my home since moving).

The boundaries are more important than the turkey.  (But if the kids bring me some turkey I won't be at all offended.)
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DreamGirl
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« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2011, 01:18:11 PM »

For all the kids and stepkids alike, Christmas Eve at our house - Christmas Day at the other parents house.

Works great and no confusion.  snowman

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« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2011, 02:24:26 PM »

It'll be our first separated. NC. The rules lay out the visitation/exchange schedule to the hour and alternating by year. No room for fudging. D's bummed that she'll have the dinner hour at her mom's be/c her mom hasn't been cooking for her, so D and I are having our favorite chili on Christmas morning. Maybe I'll throw extra beans in her portion before driving her over there. smiley
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?

The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

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« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2011, 02:51:09 PM »

Maybe I'll throw extra beans in her portion before driving her over there. smiley

 grin

And a Mountain Dew.
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« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2011, 03:24:31 PM »

Maybe I'll throw extra beans in her portion before driving her over there. smiley

 grin

And a Mountain Dew.

Then give her several chocolate bars for dessert.
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« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2011, 03:29:29 PM »

Maybe I'll throw extra beans in her portion before driving her over there. smiley

 grin

And a Mountain Dew.

Then give her several chocolate bars for dessert.

Goodness gracious, she'll be farting, running around, and needing to go poop. 
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« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2011, 05:26:25 PM »

Quote
Goodness gracious, she'll be farting, running around, and needing to go poop.

As D herself would say, "And your point is?" Ha ha.

But it'd be at her mom's. Which would be funny, except that when her mom gets on a roll (read: RAGE) she'll even follow D into the bathroom and not give her privacy.
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« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2011, 07:29:45 PM »

I repeated the plans I had proposed earlier and said, "I have other plans for dinner" (which involve my microwave and football).  She said OK.

This is our first Christmas apart.  If anything, the kids seem excited by the idea of two Christmases.

My ex has our kids for Saturday and Sunday (I offered to trade Christmas for New Year's with her because I know that Christmas is more of a big deal to her...) and the kids and I have Monday and Tuesday off work/school so will have our Christmas celebration then.

My ex invited me for Christmas dinner with her and the kids (lots of drama going on in her life and her new gf won't be there...)  I have no desire to be around her ever, so I thanked her for the invitation but said I had other plans... my plans are similar to Matt's -- some sort of take-out and a stack of dvd's from the library -- I am very much looking forward to it! 


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NorthernGirl
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« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2011, 01:22:35 PM »

We have SS17 and SS21 Christmas eve and Christmas morning. They go to UBPDMom's at noon Christmas day and spend the rest of the day with her. It alternates each year. SS19 is at a treatment center a 10 hour drive away (and doesn't get visitors) so we hope to speak to him on the phone (he can phone out, but we can't phone him.)

This schedule was started when DH and I were serious. Before that, DH, UBPDMom and all the boys used to get together at one of the houses. DH said he was doing it for the boys. Eventually he asked the kids if that's what they really wanted, and they all said no. They said it was awkward and "kind of weird" to pretend they were a happy family.

Happy Christmas all!
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Matt
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« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2011, 11:22:56 PM »

Haven't seen any threads about this, and it's always an issue...

Married 12 years, separated just before Christmas 2006, divorce final mid-2008.  Kids now 13 and 15, stepkids 22 and 34.

For a year or two I had big dinners at my house - Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays.  It went OK but I decided it wasn't the best thing.  My wife had behaved very badly - false accusations which she never told the kids weren't true - and it wasn't really honest to treat her like family after that.  The kids still ask about having dinners together but we haven't done that in awhile.

This year SD22 is coming home.  Her flight gets in Saturday morning, and if there is time we'll go visit SS34, who she hasn't seen in awhile.  He's in prison so we can't have a Christmas like we would like to, but he'll be very glad if we can see him.

Then home and SD will stay with us just one night, and open presents Christmas morning.  I had proposed to their mom to bring them all (S13, D15, SD22) over there so they could spend the rest of the day with her.  No response.

Yesterday I sent a note asking Ex if she could take SD22 back to the airport later in the week.  She replied that she could, and said she had a turkey and would I want to have a big dinner or should she fix dinner and I could come over.  I repeated the plans I had proposed earlier and said, "I have other plans for dinner" (which involve my microwave and football).  She said OK.

It will work out fine - always sad not to have it like it should be but I'll be exhausted by the time I drop the kids off with their mom and I wouldn't enjoy being in her home (and I've never had her in my home since moving).

The boundaries are more important than the turkey.  (But if the kids bring me some turkey I won't be at all offended.)

So far so good...

Took S13 and D15 this morning, three hours to pick up SD22 at the airport.  The kids were great and her flight was on time, so we had time to visit SS34.  He was thrilled to see us - I had told him we would come if we could but he thought SD's flight would probably be delayed and we wouldn't have time.

A nice visit for awhile, and then for some reason D15 felt the need to give SS a huge hug, and S13 and SD22 joined in - a very spontaneous outpouring of affection for him which really touched me.  I know it meant a lot to SS too.  Later he thanked me for bringing them and told me it was a great Christmas for him, and I could tell he meant it.

Long drive home - very tired but it was worth it.
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