Yeah, let me elaborate a little on what you have found and what BB says...
My wife and I both took the MMPI-2 (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Index) during our Custody Evaluation. I was told that the MMPI alone would not absolutely state that she had BPD but would support the diagnosis, along with other factors.
The American Psychiatric Association publishes the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) -
http://www.psych.org/MainMenu/Research/DSMIV.aspx - which lists, if I remember correctly, nine behavior patterns which are characteristic of people with BPD. Based on those nine patterns, and the MMPI-2 results, my wife was diagnosed with "multiple psychological disorders" including BPD.
Before all this, our marriage counselor - who was chosen by my wife - after just one session with both of us together, asked to talk to me alone, and read me the section of the DSM-IV on BPD, and told me that she was not qualified to do that diagnosis, but that my wife seemed to have most of the characteristics. (Five of the nine are enough for a diagnosis.) I listened to that list and agreed that she had at least 7 of the 9. The description fit very well. She told me to read "Stop Walking On Eggshells", which explains BPD very well, and I became convinced that was the problem.
One thing I notice is that your husband "accused" you of having it. Do you think he would "accuse" someone of having diabetes or any other physical problem? If he thought you had diabetes, he would probably tell you that in a helpful way, and you would either agree or disagree, or get more information, but even if you disagreed you might appreciate his thoughts.
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Most people with BPD do not respond nicely to the idea. The marriage counselor told me that many therapists won't even mention it, because it's not covered by insurance, so it's in the their interest and the patient's interest for them to say it's "depression" or something that is covered. And many people who are told they might have BPD turn on the messenger, and try to get her fired for example. So therapists look for ways to help the person without saying "BPD". Our MC proposed to see my wife individually, on a regular basis, but told me not to mention BPD to her; since mentioning is likely to mean an end to therapy, she said, it's not in anybody's interest.
My suggestion for you would be, if you think you might have BPD or some other issues, or if you just think counseling might be helpful, find a counselor, and don't look at it as "I have a problem that needs to be fixed", but "Counseling might be helpful to me so I'm going to get it." (I was in counseling for years - never diagnosed with anything except "situational depression" after going through some stressful stuff for awhile.)
If you don't want to do counseling - or even if you do - go back and look at the MMPI results - or find a professional to go over them with you - and if they don't indicate BPD or any other problem, don't worry about what your husband is saying to you. Tell him you do not believe you have BPD and you do not want to be told that any more, so if he raises that subject you will end the conversation. Boundaries!
