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Think About It... A person with Borderline Personality Disorder often presents with a characteristic relationship pattern over time. This pattern usually evolves through three stages: The Vulnerable Seducer, The Clinger, and The Hater. This evolution may take months, and sometimes even years to cycle through. In the later periods, the personality often swings back and forth from one phase to the next. ~ Roger Melton, M.A..
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Author Topic: BPD and prostitution - a case example  (Read 4805 times)
Mouser
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« on: January 12, 2012, 09:04:58 AM »

The rabbit hole can run deep once we realise our failed relationship was with a person suffering from BPD. Just what was really going on during the relationship. Here is a quote (verbatim) of a man who discovered amazing facts about his fiancee of 22 months. The original post was about the concept of falling in love with a sexworker.

Remember 54% of prostitutes suffer from BPD. I am not judging either the buyer or seller of sex, I am just musing over how much is going on in the life of one suffering from BPD.

The post from 'B..':

"I have read the posts, and it is hard even after my relationship broke over a year ago now.

My story is slightly different - I was in love with and living with my then fiancee for over 22 months... Turned out, that she actually was a prostitute. Now that I know this,
as confirmed by finding out various newspaper ads and online reviews of her, I gained a unique insight into the whole thing, and it aint pretty. Guys, there were no major
warning signs, she worked as a cleaner, was home every night, treated me wonderfully, no suspicious calls (she had 2 phones, one turned off whilst with me)... She duped me,
my friends, my friends girlfriends... heavy sht.

My big question still remains - Did she have BPD (borderline personality disorder) BEFORE or AFTER she did it? I know there are many escorts on here, that have posted
there comments, but I disagree with them that "they are able to handle it". In my view, and after reading psychology etc... trying to better understand WTH happened
(she dumped me and married another guy and moved half way around the world pretty impulsively).

It is my opinion that the psycho-emotional transformation that someone must undergo to be able to give themselves to so many people creates a different persona, a dissociation.
Now, dissasociation is well known in many trauma victims - It is the only way to cope - Now I am not saying that they find it consciously traumatic - I do realise that the
prostitution experience can be seen as "easy to handle" by some girls working... but is it? That first time, the second time, how do they get used to it? A different persona,
a superficial ego that protects the real ego of the person... But remember, there is stuff being repressed... the lies they tell themselves, the lies they tell their boyf, husband,
family, friends... try juggling a secret identity for so long and for most, you end up going a bit nuts.

My girl, and she was very very nice in so many ways and till this day my heart is broken because I was unable to help and god did I try to... But I never knew that she had
been involved in working like this... She ended up having panic attacks, for no known reason... I didnt know what was wrong but I was seeing her suffer... She would have
rage outbursts over the smallest things, followed by silent treatment and she even left the household like 5 or 6 times, stumbling out with her suitcases, onto the street,
an illegal migrant here in Spain... And I felt a duty of care, but her rage episodes were autopilot and in no way could she calm down... It was heartbreaking to watch and
it did me no good.

I do believe she loved me, but then again, her love was tainted - By the time I became part of her life, she had taken out a hatred campaign on all men, and also the fear
of abandonment, the fear of the truth, the ability to "be any mans girlfriend" means that her love, well, was a ship sailing past... there was no depth to it, no real
emotional investment... I also think prostitutes become transactional - there is very much, "I give you this, I get that from you"... Not only in sex, but everything... People
that have hearts, become objects, disposable.

I think the real victim in all of this, well, survivor, is me. I am still here, moving forward, learnt about me and my weakness in wanting to fix and help that sometimes
gets me in trouble.

In my opinion, if you value your sanity, you will try and not fall in love with a prostitute and avoid trying to rescue these women at all costs. There are deep wounds that will
need to be healed, from childhood and also from the 2nd round of abuse when they become prostitutes - it robs them of their innocence... they may accumulate money in the bank
but they have to give half their soul away and the one who ends up paying for that will be you once yourself enmeshed in a relationship with a psycho-emotionally individual.

Best

B.."
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bpdlover
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« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2012, 09:23:00 AM »

An amazing post Mouser. It's strange, my ex proudly told me how she slept with her ex for money all the time and offered me favours in return for it. She always told me she'd make it good if I paid up. Of course, in a healthy relationship, this could be seen as light banter and a joke. But with my BPD ex, I have to wonder. When I was first talking to her, she told me how pure she was one day and the next how she was a little slut and a whore. It would be nice to know the true story of my ex. What she told me about herself was that I was her fourth partner. She had little experience with guys. Her ex husband was her first and he pressured her into it, then she slept with two others and fired them and then me. She did triangulate a guy while with me but I never caught her in the act. If the history is true (unlikely) she has either gained confidence and is possibly becoming more detached or she has turned to her religion which was always a feature thanks to her parents. Who am I kidding, she screwed while going to church.
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Sir5r
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« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2012, 12:07:31 PM »

My BPDw was never a prostitute but she did use guys for Money, Drugs and perks like expensive dates when she was younger.  She has never told me how she "paid" for those things but I can guess.
They use all their Assets for survival and gain,  it kind of goes with the territory when you have BPD.

Sir5r
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To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
-    Buddha
Willy
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« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2012, 01:05:07 PM »

My xBPDgf was a stripper before our r/s. She never hid it, and was quite open about it. She did tell me the first few months, every day she worked, she cried. Still she continued. She had to drink in order to be able to do it. I never understood this strong urge. It was like she needed to do it. Her stripper mentality was always in the  back of my head.
Many pwBPD have a stripper mentality IMO.
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
Robhart
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« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2012, 01:48:03 PM »

I think prostitution and the level of functioning of a BPD can correlate.

I could see my exBPDgf being a an escort.However , she  was fortunate to have a good job.But she would lament how a few years back  she could have worked as a stripper or should have hooked up with more guys.

She always needed her attention fix. So for her it was hang in low end bars and get attention from the lonely horn dog bar guys.
The sex for her was just ancillary part of  the attention.
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what was never was and never could be

MuGGzy
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« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2012, 04:03:37 PM »

Mine loved attention. I know she at the very LEAST hustled some men for money and let them think they were getting sex at some point, probably telling them I was an abusive jerk or something, or that she was just needing money to leave me. Who knows. I would not be surprised at all to find out that she was outright prostituting herself. In a way I was her most profitable "john" for over a decade. I, and allot of us "nons" will NEVER know all the facts though so we have to keep rollin forward.
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seeking balance
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« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2012, 04:55:03 PM »


Remember 54% of prostitutes suffer from BPD. I am not judging either the buyer or seller of sex, I am just musing over how much is going on in the life of one suffering from BPD.



Can you share with us where or what medical journal you found such an interesting statistic?
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Mouser
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« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2012, 07:07:44 PM »

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resource.php?n=1078

"Damage to women which precedes working in the sex industry

Most strippers, as with other women who work in the sex industry, are adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Research indicates the number is between 60%-80%. One study found that 35% of strippers have Multiple Personality Disorder, 55% had Borderline Personality Disorder, and 60% had Major Depressive Episodes, These are severe psychiatric problems and many of them are connected to childhood sexual abuse. These are women who when they were little girls would get into their beds each night and roll themselves into a fetal position and every night he would come in and peel her open. The physical and visual invasion of little girl's bodies damages them psychologically and gives them a psychologically unhealthy view of sexuality. Often as adults they reenact their childhood trauma by working as strippers, Playboy models, and prostitutes. The men who, now as customers, physically and visually invade the adult women's bodies, reenact the role of the perpetrator. These women work in the sex industry because it feels like home."

My memory served me incorrectly, it was 55% (not 54%), and strippers (not prostitutes).

Thank you for you clarification question.

I venture even more than 55% of prostitutes suffer from a personality disorder the prominent one being Borderline.
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truly amazed
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« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2012, 07:42:22 PM »

Hi

Internet rubbish, Catholic news ?

Oh my ...

The media has a formula ... if they are talking about say animal cruelty they will ask the dog trainer usuing live rabbits and then ask the ASPCA or RSPCA ... and the answer of course is set in stone.

Since I doubt 10% of BPD sufferers actually get treatment ... to arrive at 54% ... is at best rubbery.

I would agree a lot of people in that profession ... have drug habits ... have been abused in the past ...

But the rest ... putting 55% onto it ... uh huh.

This is from the same source which condems some very serious things ... I am a lapsed catholic ... hetro male ...  but do not and cannot condone some of their beliefs in various areas along with the religious dogma that goes along with it.

Sorry but I put no credence in that 55% ...
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Fish
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« Reply #9 on: January 12, 2012, 07:59:25 PM »

Hi

Internet rubbish, Catholic news ?

Oh my ...

The media has a formula ... if they are talking about say animal cruelty they will ask the dog trainer usuing live rabbits and then ask the ASPCA or RSPCA ... and the answer of course is set in stone.

Since I doubt 10% of BPD sufferers actually get treatment ... to arrive at 54% ... is at best rubbery.

I would agree a lot of people in that profession ... have drug habits ... have been abused in the past ...

But the rest ... putting 55% onto it ... uh huh.

This is from the same source which condems some very serious things ... I am a lapsed catholic ... hetro male ...  but do not and cannot condone some of their beliefs in various areas along with the religious dogma that goes along with it.

Sorry but I put no credence in that 55% ...


Please note who the author is, the reason it was written, and the original source it was taken from. 
« Last Edit: January 12, 2012, 08:22:51 PM by Fish » Logged
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